what is real? what is fake? who am I? who are you?

For how long and how do you live (as in make a living) in the meantime. I want to tell everyone around me that I just can't be obligated anymore and the guilt of that is overwhelmingly sad and there is "no spot to move on the chessboard" of life anymore. I just want to be alone and even when you share the real info, then they want to check on you and drop by...the last bloody thing I need is unexpected visitors in this funky drama. How long does it last. When does it end? Why do I have it...all things no one can likely answer but I like answers. Like them alot.

((((Vsh)))) It's good that your friends care enough to drop by. I know it can be hard to take, especially i you feel you have to clean house, etc for them. Try to relax on that type of expectation for yourself. You can also ask them not to drop in outside of a set time of da, so you can at least be semi-prepared, like have clothes on, etc.
The trouble is that sometimes we isolateoutselves because of the symptoms of our illness, when in reality we need those contacts with the outer world. Now how much and what kinds of demand they can pt on you, that's another issue. Huggs.
I hope that you can find some of the answers yourself. They vary so much with the person. generally, with me the social stuff id the first symptom I notice and the last to come back. That might not be where you are. Take care of yourself, hon.

thanks all!

billieJ... your words are well... touching... thank you, dear friend of mine! you've listened to me with true compassion and I really treasure that.

didn't think it got get much worse... but... it did! been a really trying and terrible day!
I'm a fighter... I always keep going... but now it's soooo hard!

Daynnight

I hear you crying and I see your pain but I am so immobilized and don't know what's wrong with me since this trip began. It's like I'm plummeting down a steep grade without means to stop. I'll explain later. I'm simply sorry that I cannot be of more help to you now.

(((((((Daynnight))))) Please don't let your energy get sapped by people who don't deserve it (re. other thread). I know it's a fight, and that 's just what fights are, hard and hurtfull. So much hinges on us being in shape, healthy and in sparring shape, that even getting sick becomes a catastrophe. I know that things come to a stand still if Ii am not here or able to take on the kids. It has been torture sometimes knowing that I have to stay awake another hour because no way is the little one going to sleep, the hubby doesn't see how dead exhausted just the eight hour day has been....
It's hard, but you'll make it. I'm just going to do my job and remind you firmly to take time for yourself to recharge those batteries, eat right, do something that makes your soul sing, in the words of one of our OT's. Take a walk in the countryside if you can, take a cup of coffee with a friend if you want. Remember the things that make your heart strong. Remember that we are here.
Huggs to you and to everyone in your family, dear Daynnight.

Oh, Vickie... If we didn't live so far away from one another, we could sit and hold each other... cry when needed and drink a bit of coffee in between.
(((((((( Vickie ))))))))))) I know you care! I care about you too, my friend!

lonegael... ty once again for your words of support and encouragement! I hear you in your struggle too, hun. ((((((( lonegael & family ))))))))

/daynnight

'life' is really not nice to me and my family... big sigh

sorry that sounded very self centered... I know so many of you are struggling to get through the day too... sorry... I do care about you too!