[A_Long_ways]

As some of you may know, I broke up with my girlfriend about a month and a half ago. It was, and still is, a hard fact to accept and I am still pretty tender about it. I'm starting to "get over her" but she is still in my thoughts constantly.

I've always been somewhat of a loner. I can do what I need to do on my own and nobody can tell me different. Or so I thought. Ever since losing her, I just feel incomplete. I think about going for a walk then say to myself "well I'll just be alone, she won't be with me, I'll just see other couples together and get sad so better to stay in". Same with going out at night, I just don't because I don't want to be out alone and watching all of the happy couples.

I'm wondering if while suffering from depression and heartbreak if I should attempt to find someone else. I don't know if it would be the best idea for me right now, seeing as I do still love her, and want to repair things with her. I just don't think that it will ever be repaired, at least not for a long while if ever. But me being alone is perpetuating my depression. Instead of going out I stay in. Instead of watching a happy movie, I watch something dark and sad.

I'm lonely, my "friends" are not really friends, they're acquaintences. I miss that one on one level of connection that we had, and I want it again. I kinda just feel like if I get my feet wet, start meeting new people, maybe I'll find someone that will help me forget about her. At the same time im worried it wouldn't be fair to whoever I met since I would almost be "using" them to make myself feel better. I dunno, should I give myself more time to heal or just get back out there?

[justfloating]

(((((((A_Long_Ways))))))))

Do you see a therapist? If not, maybe you could consider it. Part of getting through depression and heartbreak is being able to talk about what you're feeling, and it sounds to me like you really don't have anyone to talk to right now. I don't think that "rebound" relationships are a good idea and probably won't wind up healing you anyway. But you can focus on making friendships, which can be just as deep as romantic ones. You don't have to go out to places where there'd be a lot of couples -- depending on what you're interested in, you could join a sports team, the library, maybe learn an instrument or take a class ... anything to get yourself up and moving, doing anything. After a breakup we tend to start hating everything -- ourselves, our lives -- and we feel incomplete because of the person we lost. The way I look at it, I don't want someone to be my "better half" because I want to be a complete person all on my own. I'd rather have someone who compliments me, and we can be two whole people together. In the meantime, I do what I can in order to be as whole as I can.

[Rohag]

G'day, A_Long_ways!

[Caution: The following observations are those of a social recluse and misfit; sift accordingly.]

You are correct - you are fighting two battles simultaneously:

1. depression loneliness
2. breakup loneliness

Though the second may be more present in your emotions, the first is the more enduring and fundamental.

Efforts invested in combating depression loneliness will pay greater long-term dividends and additionally contribute to the resolution of the breakup loneliness. The opposite approach would probably be less valuable and could even be counterproductive.

May you find better than what you're looking for when you're not looking for it.

[A_Long_ways]

Justfloating: You hit the nail on the head, I have absolutely nobody at all to talk to right now. I am now able to see a therapist, as family has offered to loan me a bit of cash while I keep looking for work, I just haven't found one I feel comfortable with. As far as friendship, I am just terrible at making new friends, especially ones of my own sex. I've always been the type of guy that just gets along much better with women. Most men, at least around here, are superficial, insecure, and putting on a show for the rest of the world. I've just always naturally meshed better with women. While I was in a romantic relationship, it seemed easier for me to innocently talk to someone because I knew in my mind 100% I wasn't interested in them in any sort of sexual way. Now that I'm single, and it's been a few years since I've been single, I kinda forgot how to act I suppose.

Rohag: I agree with everything you said. I met my ex while I wasn't even looking, I was single and content and she just happened to roll into my life. I am just alone all of the time right now, and I have nobody to pick up the phone and call. I guess my reason for looking for something romantic is I just miss the little things. Cuddling under a blanket and watching a movie, holding hands, hearing "I love you" every night before going to sleep. I invested 100% of myself into her, and kinda threw some of my friends to the wind since I thought she was all I needed. Now I'm paying for it :/

Just wanted to also say thanks to you two. You guys always respond to my stupid posts. I feel like a bother most of the time posting here but you guys make me feel comfortable. Trying to give back to the community where I can, just feel silly telling someone else how to feel better when I can't figure it out on my own heh.