[artichack]

Everyday seems to be a struggle with this damn disease...constant headaches...neckaches...lack of modivation...always worrying the ngoext big one is right around the corner...always reminded of it...medications I hate to take, but have found out the hard way to stay on them. I used to have good memories .... now those have been replaced by the times that things were awful.....dreadful...scary...oh how I wish things were different...happy....joyful....loving....a future to look forward too....I try to break away from it all....but feels like Im dragging a ten ton ball...nobody to talk to about it.....no support groups here....family don't understand....loved ones who can't put up with it anymore....feel like crying....look forward to sleep...escape...alcohol.....got to get it all together....can't head down that path again.....sorry for all the negatives....just been building up inside of me....needed to vent. take care all.........artichack

Hello, artichack. Vent, sir. You are venting to the choir. When did you last talk to your psychiatrist about your medication? Winter is always more challenging for me. The sun makes such a difference. Perhaps you would benefit from a boost in dosage?

Please do not forget the good memories. Making them is where you want to be.

Good luck!

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by artichack

...oh how I wish things were different...

If there is anything certain in life it is that things always change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but you are guaranteed life will change.

I was depressed for a very, very, very, very long time with the pain of depression. I slept 12-16 hours a day to avoid the pain of depression and was stoned all the time I was awake. That went on for several years.

It has been a slow, uphill journey but finally I can say that I am happy. Well sometimes mostly happy. I mean right now I am sad and grieving the loss of my dog and am anything but happy but yet I can find things in my life that I am happy I have. Like being alive still to raise my son.

Hang in there and keep trying even on the difficult days because there is hope. I hope it changes to peace and happiness soon for you.

[artichack]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, artichack. Vent, sir. You are venting to the choir. When did you last talk to your psychiatrist about your medication? Winter is always more challenging for me. The sun makes such a difference. Perhaps you would benefit from a boost in dosage?

Please do not forget the good memories. Making them is where you want to be.

Good luck!

I see my doc about once every 3 months. It's been about a month and a half since the last visit. I agree with you about the sun....just doesn't show itself enough here. Could go on about my relationship with my doc...too long...but that's a good idea...maybe a change of dosage could help. thanks for your help...nice to talk about it with people who understand....arti

[artichack]

Originally Posted by Yoda

If there is anything certain in life it is that things always change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but you are guaranteed life will change.

I was depressed for a very, very, very, very long time with the pain of depression. I slept 12-16 hours a day to avoid the pain of depression and was stoned all the time I was awake. That went on for several years.

It has been a slow, uphill journey but finally I can say that I am happy. Well sometimes mostly happy. I mean right now I am sad and grieving the loss of my dog and am anything but happy but yet I can find things in my life that I am happy I have. Like being alive still to raise my son.

Hang in there and keep trying even on the difficult days because there is hope. I hope it changes to peace and happiness soon for you.

I'm sorry about your dog...understand the pain....hope you feel better...arti

[trevorzero]

The only "positive" aspect of depression is that, whether you realize it or not, it is making you a stronger, tougher person. You aren't a marshmallow; you are a warrior. And that's a good thing.

[lonegael]

Artichak; I hear you about that sun not making enough of a showing. It was coal black by 4:00 PM today, and already by three you could not say that there really was much in the way of daylight left. To top it off, it has been overcast for weeks now with only occassional sun even during what passes for daytime here. It's tough, and even though I'm not that weather sensitive, it is starting to get to me. Good idea abot a meds check.
Trevor zero: I guess I, like most of Sweden, am going the third way. I strongly suspect I have become a marshmellow warrior. Or is this because I'm bipolar? S'mores forever and hugs!

[Naturefreak]

(((artichack)))

[opheliasorrow]

OOO there's plenty of hope Depressin is not a good friend to have, it brings along with it anxiety, lies etc etc. Best to stick to hope in my opinion, there are days when things seem black, but the light will ALWAYS penetrate the darkness, even a tiny pinprick of light will flood the dark. You won't see a tiny pinprick of dark flooding the light ..... it's within you that light and you will see and feel it, just keep searching. Those good memories are just behind the bad, so pull em out, blow the dust off and go make some more so they pile up . I've been there sweetie, I still go there, but each time you DO get stronger and you learn to fight that damned black cloud. Take care and keep reaching out. Huggies, Ophelia xxx

[wickedwings]

Yeah, there's hope. Even when there is no hope, there is still hope. I'm proof of it. It's not 100%, but it's better than nothing. And I'm definitely happy with it.

Depression makes you blind to the good things in life. The good things are still there. We just need to peel the darkness away to see the good in life. Even when it's not possible, always know that they're still there. I remember drowning in the murkiness. Grab onto a vine of hope that eventually you will have relief.