[turquoisesea]

I am feeling really overwhelmed with my life right now so I'm taking a step back to evaluate "where I am" right now. I am hoping that typing this out will help me. I am also hoping that in posting this I can get some feedback, advice, and keep my PC friends updated (*wow now I feel self centered*).

If you don't feel like reading all the details skip to the next set of smilies ^.^

General Health: I am not sick, but I'm not 100pct either. I am tired most of the time. I am completely out of shape, things like walking quickly and a bit farther than normal or running up ONE flight of stairs can get to me. Sometimes there is low grade pain or muscle fatigue in my arm and hand muscles when I play the cello.

General Habits:

Positives:
~I keep myself cleaned, showered, etc.
~I am generally aware of my feelings, and try to resolve them before they sit too long.

Negatives:
~My sleep is not the best. I'm not sure of the cause but its probably a combination of stress, sleeping with my boyfriend on a bed meant for just one person, not having optimal sleep when my boyfriend stays up or when the cats wake me up, etc.
~My eating is fluctuating, and I'm having trouble keeping it at an ok level. This is getting better though.
~Sleep schedule has been sporadic since being sick.
~I barely practice, and if I do it's not on a schedule

Mental Health: Unknown. Its so hard to label. I am depressed from time to time, especially lately. In the past week at least one day was totally lost to depression, but it's not SUPER low, no where near where I've been in the past. When I get overhwelmed I become non-functional, this is what is starting to happen. I am actively isolating for various reasons. POSITIVE: I think I found a new therapist (assuming she's ok with the insurance, we're pretty sure but she's double checking this week)

Living arrangment: I am trying to find an apartment. I am also trying to find a room-mate so I can accept the AMAZING 2 bedroom apartment we are being offered by our landlords *which makes me a bit nervous*

Social: I feel VERY isolated. I also feel that I may have lost a precious friend.

Work: I am doing ok at work but my fatigue and general sadness do bring me down a bit. Money isn't as forthcoming because of the season's lack of business.

School: YAY I can go back next semester!

Other responsibilities: there are many small responsibilities that I can't quite get done and that are pressuring me, stuff that *should* be easy but aren't

Future: I am looking forward to holiday "break" with family. I am nervous about going back to school because I"m afraid that somehow I won't be able to handle it and depression will somehow stop success. I am unsure if I can handle a job ontop of school.

Past: I have come to terms with some of my past, but DEFINITELY no where near all of it.

Sorry for the length, and thank you if you read.
What I'm seeing in this post is that I have a lot of stressors in my life right now. I don't know how to respond to most of them and they're dragging me down. I need to change some life habits, especially exercise eating and sleep schedule. I need to seek further help from the new Therapist if possible.

What I'm asking you is you have any advice, and observations.
Or, just some hugs?

[lonegael]

It seems to me that the sleep situation is the easiest solved. anyway to find a bigger bed, or move a creature off? easier said then done, I know. Still not sleeping well can really screw you up moodwise.
Hang on about the friend. wait until you really have cooled. Unlessyou have talked to her you don't really know whether you have lost her or not. From your last post, it sounded as if you can save this if you want. You might have to save it on terms that aren't completely yours, but that is how relationships usually are. at the same time, don't make all the compromises yourself.
That's all I can say right now. I realy hope that this funk lets up Turquoise sea. You have so much of life to live, you know? Huggs and get some Z's.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Sorry to hear about everything you are going through. I think one of the most important things is a good night sleep. (again, easier said than done). I'm lucky if I get 3 hours of sleep a night, especially now cause I'm not feeling well. You don't have any bigger beds in the house? If you have a hard time actually falling asleep, try taking some sleeping pills.

You also mention you think you lost a good friend. Anything in particular that makes you feel that way?

[Rohag]

G'day, Turquoisesea! I'm glad things are moving forward for you. The following stood out to me largely due to personal experience:

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

• My sleep is not the best.
• When I get overwhelmed I become non-functional...
• I am unsure if I can handle a job on top of school.

Quality sleep is important. Investment here will pay big dividends.

In view of the paralyzing effects of becoming overwhelmed (something I know too well in my own struggle with depression), I feel you would increase your chances of successfully reintegrating in school and completing your course if you find a way not to work while studying. Seeking financial aid assistance and possibly securing student loans or even grants would be worth the effort and debt in the long run. Graduating and establishing a career will enable you to erase that debt faster than you might think.

In short, attempt to reduce your challenges / distractions / annoyances as much as possible in returning to school.

Wishing you success and happiness!

[turquoisesea]

Thank you everyone *hugs*

lonegal - I'm waiting until I'm cooled with the friend. It's still up in the air, your advice does help.

Lonegal, Beautifully mistaken, and Rohag: As far as the bed, I've been waiting to get a larger bed until I can get into a single bedroom/double (as moving the bed would be difficult) but I've been looking for months for an apartment - I thought I got one last week but the friend/room-mate backed out so I'm not sure when we can move in. Looking back ever since I moved in here and started sleeping in the smaller space with my boyfriend I've needed more sleep etc. So this is a situation that needs fixing, as is the apartment space. It does take money, but I think you're right - it needs doing. I will try to make a deadline for next month, maybe I can get in on some Christmas sales. The apartment, we might have to live with someone we don't know at all

Rohag - I'm beginning to agree with you on the job. Especially in view of what happened at work yesterday (they say I'm not working up to standards and am under review). Work has provided a LOT of stress, and though I want the money badly to pay for my car I do have some savings I can pull from. I'm nervous about finances because I know the money I've saved up over MANY years can go away in a heartbeat, but I guess I just have to dish out right now. Thank you for this... it helps me...

thanks everyone

[turquoisesea]

I also have to decide if I should quit my job or ask them if I can work on a limited basis when I return to school very quickly - right now I'm leaning toward quitting despite the money.

The job has been so stressful *had bad dreams about it all last night*