[Fox]

I give and I give. I always try to be supportive of people when I can I'm patient and understanding and empathetic at least I perceive myself to be. I don't post much in the forums but am in chat most of the time I'm online. But I'm human.

I joined PC to get help for myself too. Whenever I need support I do the appropriate thing and go to support chat or I'll create my own room to get it. Do I get it though? As far as I'm aware of the answer is "No". Plain and simple. I go into support sometimes alone for an hour before anyone comes in that's fine I don't mind waiting for people to notice someone's in there. I tend to think when someone comes in "oh good now someone will listen and be kind and supportive and maybe offer appropriate advice." but guess what happens. They go on and on about their own thing then after a while thank me for being a good friend then leave me. Or other times like tonight there's 9 other people already in support (and I'm proud to say they actually were supporting someone and not just visiting about the latest band or whatever random stuff that comes to mind). The topic tonight was triggering for me so I was in and out trying to stay supportive didn't go so well since I was in the frame of mind of getting help not giving. Then when I thought maybe I could get help someone else was repeating the same thing she was talking about six hours ago and that just made me feel something very pent up trying to force his way out. So I had to leave or something bad would happen.

So I thought after a few weeks of stuff like this going on that maybe if I make my own room people will come in and hear me out. It actually worked . . .well sometimes. Tonight's not one of those nights. None of my closer friends are online I guess or just nobody's noticed I'm having a really bad night/week whatever this is. I just want to know that I'm still cared for. We've been getting a lot of new people in chat that I don't know and they don't have the respect for others like the older crowd do. PC isn't seeming like that safe haven it was even a couple weeks ago.

What can I do when the one person comes into chat that's always stuck on the same issue we already answered earlier? It's like they don't listen or they're hoping for a different answer just cause we disagree or they perceive it to be a disagreement? If they want a specific answer they can ask themselves cause they're not going to get it from me. The people who know me here know that I'm not easily irritated but this person is bringing out the worse in me and I'm not liking how it makes me feel. Please help????

Yes, I'm feeling self-pity. I feel like nobody gives a care about me. I feel like my struggles aren't even worth mentioning cause god knows so-and-so got a splinter in their finger and are going to die. I feel like the woman who talks about child labor and their husband says "I know exactly what you mean I stubbed my toe and never felt such excruciating pain." . . .I don't even know why I'm bothering to write this. Nobody's going to read it and if they do they won't even make it known that they read it. I'm probably just pissing off someone else who's thinking "ugh that fox is so annoying all she does is complain." or "she's just fishing for attention lets ignore her.". Well the truth is I do want attention I want to know that I matter I want to know that I'm liked. But I only want to hear it if it's the truth not just cause now you're obligated to say it just cause I asked. I hate myself for doing this but I have to or I'd hate myself more for not even trying. Thank you for reading this if you did. If not screw you and it's okay for me to say that cause you didn't read it .. . . it's a joke get it??? No? okay yes I'm pathetic. . . and you're still reading. . . .and I'm still typing. Gah! D:

-Fox

[NuckingFutz]

Best place to get help is in the forums. Posting just the way you did. You stated your situation and told how you felt about it. And the most important thing you did in your post was to let people know what you need from the members of pc. I did your post and thought about what you said. I have noticed there are more people coming here. As far as the mood change of the board, it just is that way right now. Considering that this board deals with mood and personality disorders, things will ebb and flow with time. But in all consideration, I think that this board is great

[lonegael]

(((((Fox))))) Ii can understand your frustration. There are so many people out there who really are in pain and need help, and of those there are a subgroup that are in pain and STUCK. There is just something iin where they are right now that won't let them actually use the support they get, even though they so desparately need it. I've been there, and I know that I can really frustrate people until something happens, something goes CLICK in me and I getunstuck.
The problem seems to be that your room gets hijacked by the same person all the time, Am I right? I'm not familiar with the chats (I like to have more planning time on my posts) so bear with me. Can you talk to him/her and say "Hey, my turn!" even if it gets her upset, she really doesn't have the right to monopolize the support. there are a LOT of people out there who need it.
I agree with NuckingFutz that real support is easier found here on the boards. You can reply with more distance and others can make their voices heard more easily. A bit slower, yes, I can imagine it is. But no less real. I mean it. Huggs, Fox. Hope to see you post again!

[Ratanddragon]

'Lo, Fox. Nice rant. I completely sympathize with frustration at people who go on and on about the same subject forever without resolution. Unfortunately, I have been informed that I tend to drone on a bit and that would make me a "gasp" hypocrite. Ah, well 'tis alright and you have been heard. I specifically like the other thread where you commented @ the irony of Avoidants have a sparse thread....we avoid, damn it! Be good to you, and if it helps, rant some more!

[BeautifullyMistaken]

*I read the entire thing, Kinda laughed towards the end*. Anyways--I haven't been here very long so I don't know how much help I can possibly be. I entered a chat for the first time yesterday, but didn't post in there (or read anything) cause I was away from my computer.

I would say when you feel that way, let them know in the chat. Ask someone if you can share advice (so it's not all the other person talking and you giving advice). That is kind of rude to listen to someone and try to help them and them turning around and not returning the favor. After all----Everyone is here for the same reason (not same but..), everyone wants to receive some sort of help and/or support.

[Rohag]

*Note to Self: There's a forum member called "Fox" who is in need of at least the following:

• attention
• to know she matters
• to know she's liked*

Hi Fox! Since I almost never use chat and only sporadically stray away from the Depression Forum, I think I am only now meeting you.

True, I don't know you well, though your well-written post above and biography statements in your public profile help a lot to introduce you. I greet you with your anger and "self-pity" without recrimination. Your venting/ranting is fully acceptible here (at least, that's my view).

This is your thread. The floor is yours, Fox.

[Fox]

@Nuts thank you . I sort of agree that the forum is a good place to gather your thoughts and make a long rant like I did. I also use it to read in the different forums to see if anyone else is experiencing the same things and what they're doing to deal with it. But sometimes especially when very bad thoughts are flooding your world you need immediate attention. I'd use a hotline if I didn't have telephobia, and if I knew my step-dad didn't look at the numbers on phonebills and start asking a million questions. I haven't reached that pentacle to actually talk to the one person that used to stay up late with me at night talking to me about things that my own mom could never talk about. He still thinks a hug will fix everything hee hee. I love him but not enough to tell him that I want to hurt myself. Emphasis on want I've never acted on my thoughts.

@ Lonegal thank you, for the past few days it has been the same person. After writing the rant here I went ahead and made a complaint in front of the person. Someone else thought I was talking about them so I did something that I normally don't do because it's rude and generally frowned upon but I told that person who it was. The person was in the room and I decided "Now someone else knows I have back up and can do this". So I confronted the person about it in a kind supportive understanding way. We're good now actually. She admitted she does what I mentioned to her and I asked her what we could do to help her overcome her annoyance and that I'm going to try to not let it bother me anymore. So we practiced something she said she wanted help doing. We had a good laugh and we're friends now. I never did get that support I had needed at the time but I'm still here and I'll be okay.

@Rat/Dragon hee hee yes, I'm AvPD and I go in there and read a lot but get nervous about posting AvPDers pwn ourselves. So far the only place I actually feel comfortable posting in is the DD Board since at this time that is my main struggle even though I started off because of dysthymia and knowing that I'd be losing my T.

@BeautifullyMistaken awww well I hope to see you in chat when you're actually by your computer hee hee. I'm not an assertive person. It's not until I've fed someone enough of my frustration which he turns into anger then tries to force his way out do I even realize that my stress is so great that I'm going to explode. Then I know if I do finally say something it's going to not be me talking. I'm afraid of confrontation. I'm afraid to upset people. I'm afraid to say anything I think could hurt someone else. I was trembling when I typed that rant and before I posted it went back and made sure I didn't mention names out of respect of the people involved. Even then I was scared. It was with the help of others that got me okay with letting that person know that they stole my light and I wanted it back and what could we do to help them not do it again. Okay sorry this is kinda how my brain works one thought leads to another and eventually we're talking about sparkly squirrel vampires attacking trees for their nuts! Oh and thank you for reading the whole thing. I tend to run at the mouth as you can see.

@Rohag thank you

[lonegael]

Glad it worked out- Good for you for managing to make the discussion a positive one! Not easy when you're that mad. Hope it all goes a lot smoother for you. Huggs now!

[turquoisesea]

(((((Fox))))))

Just wanting to say I read. I found your last paragraph funny actually

I think I agree with NuckinFutz, that the forums is the best place for support. As you know I barely ever go into chat. I have in the past. It's fine but you're right, sometimes there just not someone there to help, and sometimes people are so upset with their own problems that's all they can focus on. Sometimes there may even be friends on line in the forums but who aren't looking at who's in chat. Funny thing since one bonus when I joined these forums is that it had a live chat.

Anyways, sending hugs, thanks for ranting

[Fox]

Thank you Turquoise {hugs} I saw it as a bonus that it has a live chat too. It's a little more private so I feel like I can be a little more open about things that embarrass me but I want help with. I might . . .maybe possibly we'll see...spend a little more time in forums and less on the chat. But I dunno. I like chat for different reasons. One being that I can meet people who are kinda like me in that they mainly stay with one board and rarely leave it. I've widened out to three boards now ^^ {pats self on shoulder}. Thank you for finding what I said funny. I rather laugh than cry and I hate leaving people on a negative thought.

thank you lonegael {hugs for you to}

[Mini moo]

you can always message me. I will listen. I will be here for you and I hope you will do that for me in the future. have a good night. I hope to talk to you later.

[Fox]

{sends safe hugs to Mini Moo} Thank you. You can always come to me.