[Berries]

All of a sudden I became hopelessly forlorn and despondent. I feel like I don’t want to be here anymore.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Berries )))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry. I hear your pain (and feel similar right now) You're strong and a survivor. I'm sorry I don't have any great words to take some of your pain away. I do care though. You are much loved here
(really not feeling like posting words, doing so because its you..)

Hello, Berries and Fuzzybear. Breathe. Try to do something that takes the focus off of how you are feeling. Breathe.

Good luck.

[googley]

(((((Berries))))) and ((((((FuzzyBear)))))



I hate it when this happens.
Please take care of yourself. We care about you.

[Naturefreak]

(((Berries)))
(((Fuzzybear)))

[turquoisesea]

((((Berries))))))

Hang in there

[idontknow13]

((((((Berries))))))
I am so sorry you feel this way, please try taking it one day at a time.
You are very important and cared for by us all

[lynn P.]

If this site is giving you comfort or at least giving you a release, then you should certainly keep logging in. If it's making you feel worse or triggering you, then you may just need a little break - but it doesn't mean you should quit. You are a valuable member here and I personally don't mind reading your posts or trying to help you, any way I can. December is a rough month, for everyone except little kids LOL. So it's all up to you - keep doing what you're doing or take a little break, but please don't feel you should leave for good. Personally, I feel very sad when I think someone might quit. I think you're a very gentle person and we all like you here. I hope you feel better when the sun comes up tomorrow Berries. There's always a warm and cozy spot for you here at PC.

[lonegael]

Huggs, dear Berries. Pulling for you, fighter par excellence!

[NuckingFutz]

Berries, look at all these wonderful friends you have on this site! And we are gonna be here to help you through this rough time. Even if we just surround you and sit with you and keep you warm.

[Naturefreak]

(((Berries)))
Feeling any better today?

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Berries, look at all these wonderful friends you have on this site! And we are gonna be here to help you through this rough time. Even if we just surround you and sit with you and keep you warm.

*belatedly joins the group*

[Berries]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

If this site is giving you comfort or at least giving you a release, then you should certainly keep logging in. If it's making you feel worse or triggering you, then you may just need a little break - but it doesn't mean you should quit. You are a valuable member here and I personally don't mind reading your posts or trying to help you, any way I can. December is a rough month, for everyone except little kids LOL. So it's all up to you - keep doing what you're doing or take a little break, but please don't feel you should leave for good. Personally, I feel very sad when I think someone might quit. I think you're a very gentle person and we all like you here. I hope you feel better when the sun comes up tomorrow Berries. There's always a warm and cozy spot for you here at PC.

I’m sorry for my vagueness Lynn. I didn’t mean here on PC. I mean here on Earth. I don’t want to be alive, is what I meant.

[lonegael]

(((((((berries)))))). Hon'. gentle and copious huggs.

[Berries]

Thank you (((((((everyone))))))

I appreciate your support. I just want what I can't have right now--a fuller more productive, meaningful life.
I am so depressed and I can't touch anything bare handed. Both make it hard to do anything.

[*freak*]

I can't relate because I've never had mood swings... But I'm really sorry you're hurting

(((((Berries)))))

and

(((((Fuzzybear)))))

[FeelingHopeful]

How are you today Berries?

[mlpHolmes]

Originally Posted by Berries

Thank you (((((((everyone))))))

I appreciate your support. I just want what I can't have right now--a fuller more productive, meaningful life.
I am so depressed and I can't touch anything bare handed. Both make it hard to do anything.

Dear Berries,
I know you bc You saved a mutual friend's life - more than one time.
Significant wow I would say so! Keep posting, PM me if you want, I care about You Berries. You life has meaning & purpose.
Love,
Holmes

[lonegael]

[/QUOTE]I know you bc You saved a mutual friend's life - more than one time. Berries???? do you see how beautiful you are? Huggs for the woman who saved a universe of possibilities.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Babysteps

(((Berries)))
Feeling any better today?

Originally Posted by FeelingSad

How are you today Berries?

I feel sad, mad, blessed, cursed, tired, guilty and a strong desire to keep fighting as well as a desire to give up and “check out”.
I keep putting one foot in front of the other. But I am walking in wet cement, so it takes me so long.
Mostly, I am pulled to slumber. Yet I have such nightmares.
I am a mixture of opposites and jumbled emotions.
Most of all I’d like peace for all of us who suffer and our freedom to soar.

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by Berries

I’m sorry for my vagueness Lynn. I didn’t mean here on PC. I mean here on Earth. I don’t want to be alive, is what I meant.

Sorry I misunderstood Berries. The most important thing to remember when you're feeling despondent or hopeless, is to be patient and WAIT - wait for the feelings to pass because they always do. Circumstances are never hopeless forever and you need to hang on. As Mlp Holmes said you saved and gave hope to another person - keep this in mind, when you ask yourself, what's your purpose. Just because you're not doing what you wish you could do, doesn't mean you're not valuable in other ways. Just sharing your feelings here, might inspire someone who's reading your post.

If you can't touch anything with bare hands, then I think the doctors need to be more persistent either in adjusting your meds or starting behavior modification and desensitization therapy - I think I've mentioned this before. Always remember that taking your own life should never be an option because there's a reason we're alive, plus it's very painful for family/friends. Here is a good link for people who are feeling despondent:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

I think December is a right off for most people - there's the pressure to feel happy and then we wish it could be like everyone elses happy holiday time. I hope when you're feeling stronger you will think about challenging the fears that come from the OCD - I think this is the main obstacle that keeping you in a prison of sorts. Remember just because the doctors have identified that 'glitch' in your brain, doesn't mean your situation is hopelessly endless. Our brains are amazing and with determination, we can overcome great obstacles. Please don't let that label hold you back. I hope you will feel better soon Berries.

[turquoisesea]

((((Berries))))

Lynn had some great things to say, I agree

[SWA 1971]

Please don't give up, Berries! You're not alone. I have times when I wish I weren't alive. I hate it! You're a good person. Keep fighting! You will make it! Lots of people are here for you-people on PC, your family, & your friends.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

If you can't touch anything with bare hands, then I think the doctors need to be more persistent either in adjusting your meds or starting behavior modification and desensitization therapy - I think I've mentioned this before. Always remember that taking your own life should never be an option because there's a reason we're alive, plus it's very painful for family/friends.

Lynn--Thank you for your words of encouragement and support.
I am on a 6 month waiting list at a top notch OCD clinic. And I went to a free OCD support group led by an PhD who is an expert in OCD, last Friday. I didn't like it much because they are very much into desensitization and that is so extremely hard to do. But I will do it and will continue going to the group so that I can have a bigger, more fulfilling life.
And I don't want to hurt my family and friends. So, if I lose control of my suicidal urges I promise to call my T and go into the hospital.
Thank you so much for everyones support and concern. You guys help me so much! HUGS for all.

[idontknow13]

(((((Berries)))))
I have just reread the whole post and all I can think about is how much you are cared for here, there must be a reason....:.You are a wonderful person