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#1
Dec 18, 2009, 06:26 PM
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__________________
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 lynn P.
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#2
Dec 18, 2009, 06:39 PM
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(((((Elysium)))))
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 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| Elysium, Naturefreak
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#3
Dec 18, 2009, 07:17 PM
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Quote:
  (((Elysium)))Much better than fast and unpainful. What's going on Elysium? 
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| Elysium
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#4
Dec 18, 2009, 08:34 PM
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((((((( Elysium! )))))))
*ready to listen*
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Elysium
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#5
Dec 18, 2009, 08:42 PM
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((Elysium))
- sometimes it seems that way. Unfortunately life is painful many times. I hope you're okay?
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
| Elysium
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#6
Dec 18, 2009, 11:07 PM
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I'm tired.
I'm alone. I have no family to hold me close. I hurt. I am expendable. To everyone. Including myself. My one purpose in life is gone. I am a failure. I have hateful thoughts of hurting people and I can't make them stop. I have hateful thoughts of hurting myself and I can't make them stop. I am angry. I hate my parents for ever bringing me into this world. I hate myself for not being able to take me out of this world. I hate myself. I hate being a member of this crappy mess of a species. I hate feeling like I'm different then everyone. I am tired of feeling like I am worthless. I am tired of having to pay someone for one hour a week of treating me like I am worthy. I am tired of the floor falling out from underneath me. I am tired of not hurting myself because of the guilt I would feel for hurting others by my acts. I will never be a Mother. I will never be somebody's lover. I can't stand the thoughts. I don't want this pain anymore. Nobody needs me. Nobody wants me around them. Everyone would keep going. The Earth would still turn. I long to be at peace. I force myself to remain in misery. For what? For what?
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| lonegael, lynn P., Naturefreak, Rohag, turquoisesea, VickiesPath
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#7
Dec 18, 2009, 11:53 PM
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Thank you for sharing your darkest feelings ((Elysium
I hope it relieves you somewhat to vent these feelings. I only know you from reading your posts and I feel you're a great contributor to PC. You're funny, help others, help the underdog and other things I'm forgetting to mention. I can't address every statement you made but I think alot of these statements in your depression talking. I know we would certaintly miss you and I'm sure others IRL would too. Sometimes it's difficult to see the positives when you're so depressed. I've had bad things happen to me too and I try to focus, on what I can learn from the experience.The most important thing for you to do is take care of yourself. I worried about you and hope you know to call 911 or go to the emergency room to keep yourself safe. The next important thing is to be patient and WAIT - you don't need to find solutions or act on your thoughts. All living things deserve to live their lives and it doesn't matter how it plays out. I know it stinks to been in pain and it's natural to want immediate relief. I like to look at pain as a means of self discovery. Here is a good link for times when you're feeling low: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ Please take care of yourself - you're one of my favorite people here.
__________________
This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
| Elysium, Naturefreak
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#8
Dec 19, 2009, 12:58 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
 Sending hugs... here to listen...
__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| Elysium, lonegael, lynn P.
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#9
Dec 19, 2009, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Elysium, lonegael, lynn P.
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#10
Dec 19, 2009, 09:10 AM
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Elysium
I don't know if it helped posting all of those feelings . I hope it did. I feel the same way at about 90% of those you listed. But I know this is just temporary . I know you've heard it all before and it just seems not worth it. But it is worth it. You are worth it. You have to be strong Elysium. I know you are a survivor. Keep us up to date with how you are feeling and I know you have enough sense to seek professional help if needed. Take care of yourself. We care about you very much.
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| Elysium, lonegael, lynn P.
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#11
Dec 19, 2009, 10:51 AM
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You were the 1st person I thought about, when I woke up this morning. I hope you're okay Elysium.
__________________
This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
| Elysium, Naturefreak
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#12
Dec 19, 2009, 12:26 PM
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 (((((((((((((((( Elysium ))))))))))))))))
__________________
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| Elysium, lynn P.
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#13
Dec 19, 2009, 06:03 PM
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You all are wonderful folks!!
I am doing okay. The general lurking malaise of the depression is still hunting and haunting me, yet I am still successfully evading it... With the help from all of you!! I have never allowed myself to post my feelings like I did here. I have never allowed myself to validate my own emotions. I am reeling from all this right now, but I am sure once things level off a bit I will be able to see that this was a good thing that I let myself post these feelings. I saw T today. I told her that I have a very difficult time expressing my truest and darkest emotions...especially verbally. I took a copy of my posts with me and showed her. This session was really hard...but the hard ones are the ones that seem the most beneficial some times. So...all is not good, but I am okay. Thank you all for being here for me!! 
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| lynn P., Naturefreak
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#14
Dec 19, 2009, 07:23 PM
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((elysium)))))))
Glad you feel better. Stay strong. 
__________________
 notz |
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#15
Dec 19, 2009, 10:40 PM
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I think it's very good to post your darkest feelings like this and it takes courage to expose yourself. I look at myself as being a helper here and sometimes when I feel I need help, I back away quietly instead of asking for help. I suspect it probably felt good to let it lose. I would be afraid to do it myself because I've been through so much the last few years, that the keyboard would be on fire LOL. I'm so happy you're safe and feeling a little stronger.
__________________
This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#16
Dec 20, 2009, 10:45 AM
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Good for you Elysium. Some times it's getting the darned lid off the box that's the hardest of all. Kep posting. We can take it. Huggs and all the encouragement that go with them!
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| lynn P.
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#17
Dec 20, 2009, 01:40 PM
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I'm glad I was listening...
((((((( Elysium! )))))))
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long. 
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