[googley]

I swear that I have two brains. I have one brain that is logical and takes over most of the time and makes sure I do homework and wash dishes and pay bills. But then there is a second brain that seems to take over when I get depressed. It doesn't listen to logic, or to my other brain. My one brain can be yelling and screaming that something doesn't make sense, but my second brain thinks that other things are quite logical. Even though I can know that they wouldn't be logical. Or I would know what my T would say in response to it. Like right now I have been having really bad urges to cut. My logical brain says that it isn't a good idea because of all the bad things that it can cause. But my other brain says that if it will get rid of the stress then what is the problem? My logical brain says that my T would not think it was a good idea. But my other brain says why is something that is going to make me feel better a bad thing? It isn't like I'm hurting anyone else. And I just want the pain to go away. And I even know that when I feel depressed, that when I feel better I can't even really access the same thought patterns and make them make sense, it's like my brain just shifts. It is like the second brain takes over and the logical one is in a coma or something. Partly there but not able to take control except for basics like school and house and etc. Why do I have these two brain? Does anyone else feel like they are fighting themselves? I feel like I'm sliding.

[Mike_J]

I totally get what you mean about having two brains. I sort of talked myself into my first self injury event, part of me knew it was wrong, and that it woudln't help in the long run, but I was so desperate for something to take my mind off the emotional pain I was dealing with. In the end it only took my mind off things until I got to the ER, then I got a tons more emotional crap to try to deal with on top of the stuff I had already running around in my head. One thing that I found a bit shocking is how addicting SI is (at least for me), it's not a good way to cope.

The thoughts you describe have been going on since Adam and Eve.

[Rohag]

I totally agree about the two brains!
And I also agree!

Edit: Googley is spot on, even if my comment seems overly lighthearted. It really does get that odd at times.

[leacon]

I find the SI urges and any other urge of that type comes with a major fight with myself. The only thing harder for me is trying to get myself to do something positive. We all have two minds one that knows the right thing to do and the one with impulses and feelings. Sometimes under stress or emotional strain from depression the impulsive side wins out.

[googley]

Thank you all for the support and letting me know I am not alone in this two brain thing.