[wildemere]

I am 49 years old, happily married, 2 great sons, good job. Have been on Effexor for 7 or 8 years. Now I am 12 mos. into my 4th major depression in the last 21 years. Was in denial for the first 6 mos, then began seeing medical doctor and psychologist for treatment. My meds are being changed - medical doctor ramped up my Effexor to maximum dose, and when that did not seem to help, he started me on Wellbutrin and told me to gradually go off Effexor.

Three days ago I took my last 75 mg capsule of Effexor. I am feeling worse than ever and can't see my doctor for another week. Went to a walk in clinic and they gave me clonazepam for anxiety but I hated it - made me woozy and I still felt bad. I am now depressed almost continuously, my self esteem sucks, and I think everyone looks down on me and pities me. I am pushing away my friends and trying to hide. I cry all the time. I have been trying things like exercise, meditation, affirmations, etc., but this week I am just too low. They seem like bandaids for my broken brain.

One issue is I parted ways with psychologist in November because I felt she was pushing me towards doing things I was uncomfortable with. I then tried hypnotherapy to try to counteract automatic negative thinking, but the therapist turned out to be really out there -- into crystals and such - NOT my thing. I am very discouraged about counselling overall. I am tired of talking about my dysfunctional childhood and my fear of abandonment/rejection and my fragile sense of self. I want some practical advice for coping!

I would be so grateful for any support or advice. I feel like I am torturing my family and friends with my depression and negativity.

You - are not PURPOSELY torturing anyone, not even yourself.

Mediciaction changes, up and down of does, etc. IS SO VERY DIFFICULT


BUT You're still moving along, trying, and that's progress of any kind is only what we can do...

Personal I hear you wanting and trying to do better, your struggling, but you are not idle

[SheilaJane]

I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. My meds recently stopped being effective also. I haven't had time to talk to my P.Doc about it yet... but med changes of any form, I have found, are brutal. When I started on mine (Citalopram) I spent a week and a half dealing with the most brutal side effects that the drug had to offer. And they took about 6 weeks to really kick in. So the side effects were back dropped by my severe depression. It was miserable. And I am afraid to change meds and have to go through it again. I wish that there was something that I could say to make the situation better for you. You are very strong to push through this. I hoe that things even out for you, and if you ever need to vent, there are a lot of people here who are willing to listen to you.