[LorenCantore]

My name is Loren and im 20 years old. I have been with my girlfriend Morgan for about 2 years now. Within the last month everything has changed. At the beginning of the relationship i did something very terrible to her, and it has always stuck with her and she has had trouble getting past it. This all has to do with how everything has changed, her feelings mainly. We moved into our apartment together last June. Once we did i started neglecting her for some reason. I started playing my video games more often then i used to and stopped hanging out with her and her friends. As a result of this, it pushed her away from me. She has been feeling this for a long time and kept it to herself because she thought that the feelings would pass. They didn't so she brought it up with me. And after she brought everything i lost my confidence. My confidence in how she feels about me, that im the only one she wants. So i started accusing her of cheating on me, i tried controlling her and became very possessive . And that just pushed her even further away from me. We have been taking a break for the last couple days now and Ive had a very hard time dealing with this. I have been drinking a lot and the other night i grabbed a bottle of pills that i still had and i started popping the pills and drinking more. After awhile i had a moment and realized what i was doing and threw the pills away and stopped drinking. But the thoughts i have been having and actually taking the action to start to kill myself scares me. I currently don't have the resources to go see a therapist right now but i need to talk about what is going on with my life and my feelings. Sorry this is just a very jumbled paragraph of my thoughts. Any advice or anything anyone has would be very helpful. Thanks

[Mike_J]

I have been married for 26 years, have never cheated on my wife, never hit her, but have made some huge mistakes in our relationship. There have been a few times that I have been sure that I had wrecked our relationship beyond repair.

Just talkign to her, telling her that you are sorry, that you want to make things better, and that you need her help to do it. Those few words, if you really mean them, won't make some instant change to make things better, but they are a step in the right direction, and with work, hope and love, a relationship that might seem beyond repair, can be patched up. There is no way to completly repair serious dammage to a relationship but it is possible to fix it up enough, and given time, and with mutual trust, the remnants of the dammage done will still be there, but you can do other things to make your relationship stronger than it was, stronger than it has ever been.

Some recommended resources and hotlines include:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.suicide.org/
http://www.hopeline.com/
http://www.suicideforum.com/

[Lisa Michelle]

Loren, I'm sorry things are difficult right now.
Have you thought about changing the behaviours that have upset your girlfriend? I mean, it sounds like she's mostly upset because you've neglected her, which makes sense.
I've been on the other side before, the one being neglected, and up until a point I think it can be un-done. If you realise what she means to you, I think you can work at showing her. She probably has an idea that you don't really care about her, because you don't seem to want to spend time with her.
I do think if you probably need to have a long talk with Morgan, let each others feelings out there, see what each of you needs and expects... and maybe then it will be easier for both of you to know what you need to do. What the other needs.

It would probably benefit you to talk to a doctor or a therapist. I'm in the UK so I don't know about fees but, is it free to see a doctor? If not I understand it's not easy for you. I'm glad you're here and talking about how you feel, it's important to let it out, don't keep it in and to yourself.

If you are feeling suicidal it's ok to admit that you need help. Like the byzantine said there are helplines, maybe that would be an option for you if you can't get therapy right now.

[SophiaG]

You did the right thing by throwing away the alcohol and pills. *hug*

Please deal with your emotions sober. They may not be pleasant but it seems to be the best way to deal with them. Substances distort them and make it impossible to process anything properly emotionally.