Weird situation

I am trying to stay emotionally open in my relationship, but at times like this it is way hard. Here is the weird situation. I can't sleep in the same bed or room as anyone else. I feel awful about it. It has been going on for years. It started even before I met my partner. But since we've been together I still can't do it. First I tried and tried. I tried earplugs, headphones, a white noise machine, huge doses of herbs, even sleeping facing the opposite direction! I will seriously just lay there not sleeping until 4am. The only thing I haven't tried is meds, because I have issues with taking them (it is incredibly hard for me). So the best I can do is be there during intimacy, or hang out in bed and talk etc. but then go into another room to sleep. I try to leave after she falls asleep. It has been super hard for her. She believes couples should sleep in the same bed and says she always knows when I leave and it makes her feel sad, like she's done something wrong. I mean I have explained over and over that it's just my issues and that I'm working on them - true, she has been very patient and shows she is trying to understand. Sooo.... Now she is going to visit her family soon. We usually always go together. I get along well with her fam. and we (well, I) always have a nice time visitng them and some other attractions along the way -- part of it becomes a shopping expedition. But her family does stress her out. She doesn't always get along that well with them because they know how to push her buttons. Now she says she doesn't want me coming along with her on the trip. She says it makes her feel too uncomfortable for us to sleep in different bedrooms (ironic, huh? Not usual for a same-sex couple). She says her family will ask her too many questions about it, like whether we're having problems etc. All in all she just says she's too stressed out by it. Ugh. So I talked to T who says just let her go, stay home and do your own thing and understand it's not your fault. That is just so hard. I feel angry. My sleep habits are something I can't control... but I'm working hard on fixing em by going to therapy. I feel like her telling me to stay home is like a way of punishing me for not being able to sleep in the same bed. In the end I just want to be like, "fine, go, have fun. I don't want to go anyway." I hate having issues. Thanks for reading this long rambling...

I agree with your therapist, but at the same time, it would be fun to go. I don't know your background that may have triggered this sleeping alone behavior, but I don't find it to be a real issue. It sounds like your g/f is projecting her values on you rather than excepting you (and your quirks) just as you are without trying to change you. I think that when in a relationship, no one should be trying to change the other person. Hey...I've been married for 16 years and my wife loves to sleep on the couch. I'm like your g/f and believe that couples should sleep together, but you know what...I don't really care where she sleeps anymore. As long as she sleeps (she has a sleeping disorder). So I just except it, love her, and look over these little quirks just as she looks over mine (especially my depression).

I hope you have fun during this trip, regardless if its with your g/f or not

Thanks. Found your response helpful and reassuring. Now she (my partner) has said it's ok if I come along. I don't know what to do. Whatever I do, I will really try and keep my mind off of it. My baseline feeling is just always to feel like things are my fault and I need to stop causing problems. But your and your wife's relationship sounds very healthy when you say "we both have our quirks and it's just a bit of give and take." I am hoping (fingers crossed) that we are moving in that direction. I think we are. I just need to believe that I can need what I need and she can need what she needs; nobody's right and nobody's wrong. I am trying.

Keep on working it, Elana.

Elana...YAY for you

I say go for it girl! Go with her and who cares about where the heck you sleep. I say you make a joke out of it, go sleep on the porch...hehehe

Seriously, communication with your g/f would be ideal. You guys need to talk about your personal issues...just lay 'em all out on the table and go from there. You'd be shocked at how smoothly things can run afterwards.

HAVE A GREAT TIME ON THE TRIP and Love Much!!! (Ponder my quote below and remember that)

I am the same as you. I can't sleep in the same bed as someone and I can't share a room comfortably. My fiance and I have different bedrooms and we are both better off for it. If we had to share, I'd either be a zombie or I would have killed him by now. lol One of the two.