Tell me it's okay

i'm so tired. fighting the fog and falling through it. stuck for days and weeks at a time. feigning life at the surface but inside i'm dying. it's a life-long thing, for me. chronic depression, so to speak. i think my "high" is the "normal" of others. and i get these deep down lows. seems i've been more low than anything, but that could be the depression talking.

just tell me it's okay to get help. please? doctors have told me all my life i need medication. i've taken, and been helped by it in the past. but... i just wanted to do it myself. i wanted to be okay, without it. and i've tried for years, but i'm just... tired.

i can't do it alone, anymore.

I know, I know.

I don't really need someone else to sanctify my realization that I need help. I was just feeling frustrated. After finally admitting that I can't do it anymore... after so much time wasted... I confided in a friend, who proceeded to tell me all the things I should be doing besides seeking medication.

It's not like I'm taking the easy way out. I've done the research. I've lived with myself all these years. I know how much I keep bottled up and how I spend so much time resisting attacking myself... or just burying myself in inane crap on the computer hour after hour, neglecting my family and wishing I was dead...

My friend doesn't see that stuff. That is my own fault. But give me some credit, already. I've tried for years, and there's just no other option but getting professional help!

sigh. Just blowing off steam before I curl up in a ball again, wishing I could sleep away my life.

If anyone listened.. thank you.
I feel guilty for posting, because we're all here with our hurts. Who am I to weigh you down with my heartache? ... if I hadn't been so stubborn, I maybe wouldn't be in this position right now. ...

Hi, Randomchick!
True. You sound as if you've got a good handle on your situation. Beyond that, I get the impression you can rightly appreciate both the value and limitations of your friend's advice.
The decision is yours. You've experimented and researched - you've built a good foundation for your decision. I wish you the best!

randomchick,

Your friend, unfortunately, doesn't offer good advice this time. Sounds as if meds are exactly what you need.

Go and get help if you need it. Only you know YOU!

Please post and let us know how you're doing.

randomchick,

I hope you get back on meds. I would if I had that option. It sounds like you know what you need, so go get it.

Hi randomchick,

I'm wondering if maybe a therapist would be a good idea, if you don't already have one... It seems like you really need to talk to someone. I found cognitive behavioural therapy to be helpful in retraining your mind out of depressive thinking. If you want to you can take medication and seek help from a therapist. You know yourself best and there are really no shoulds when it comes to seeking treatment for yourself. It's all about finding what works and finding someone you can trust to give you good advice and to listen to you. Good luck.

Medications and therapy are tools. You have been working hard to battle this illness. Maybe it is time for some new tools?

Good luck.

Randomchick,
You are having a hard time deciding to go to therapy. The problem with not going to therapy and never having been to therapy is that you don't know what you are missing. You don't know what you don't know. Who knows, you may find a good therapist and this therapist will teach you stuff you think is really practical. If you hadn't at least tried seeing a therapist you would never have found out about this.

It is okay.
Getting help is important.
We can't do it on are own.
Get help, you will feel better.
Not a miracle fix but it should help.