[brighteyesxo]

Several months ago I started to have depression-like feelings. Around January I put the term "clinical depression" into my mind. Found this site probably in February. In December and January some things were going on between a friend and I, but once we settled everything the feelings went away. So I thought I was alright. But sure enough lately they've started to come back. They come in mood swings that strike at all times. The scariest part is I've been having some unsafe thoughts, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I'm 16 and when I first came to this site I was looking for guidance on how to approach my mom with these problems. I gave up and convinced myself I was better. Now I don't know. All I can think about is the fact that I get my drivers license in 2 months and how easy it would be to just run into a tree. I used to be petrified of dying, but now I sometimes just wish I could stumble into some sort of accident so I could just get it over with.

I feel like I'm going to get the same answers I always get, but who knows it's worth a try. Maybe this time someone will say something that actually opens my eyes. There's just something in my head that keeps convincing me I'm alright. When I feel happy, my whole body agrees. But in times like now it's just that small part of me. Somehow I believe it still. Although in my moment of insanity there's a small light that tells me to run and get help.

It's just really scary to not even know what's going on inside my own head.

pointless rant is pointless. sorry you had to read this.

[buttrfli42481]

If you are having "unsafe" thoughts, then you really need to talk to your mom, school counselor, your doctor, call 1-800-273-TALK, or 911. I can tell you that dying is not going to solve your problems. "Suicide is not a solution, it is an end before a solution can be found." "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain." Please get the help now. I kept it all hidden for many years, and it slowly started eating me away. I am now trying to rebuild myself. It is a hard job, but I realized that there is a purpose here on Earth that I have not fulfilled yet.

[Radien]

Hey, I am 16 as well and not getting any professional help. Depression does not have to be constant or mean your always sad. You are right when you say the scariest part is not even knowing what is going on in your head. It is confusing to not know your own thoughts and sometimes you want to convince yourself you are fine to not have to try and decipher your thoughts (i can't decipher mine either so your not alone). The one thing that won't make it better is suicide. I have odd thoughts about that and other things as well, but suicide is something i would not suggest doing for the obvious reason. While you are confused and feeling down now, suicide will make it so you can never change that. I hope this helps and hasn't confused you any more. If you ever need to rant (which is not pointless) feel free to PM me.

[ruffy]

You have surprising insight into your own mind to even realize you have been experiencing unusual levels of depression. I agree with buttrfli...you should talk with someone and get help. Please know that depression is not a weakness or character flaw or something to be taken lightly. Its serious and needs to be addressed. We are always here to encourage you. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing!!!!!

[pegasus]

(((((((( brighteyesxo ))))))))

I'm glad you were able to share with us here. It would be a good idea to talk these feelings through with someone you can trust. A school counsellor would be a good idea if you find it difficult to talk to your family or you can talk to your family doctor. The help lines are very good and in some areas they have support groups specifically for your age group. Get some help, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. In the meantime we are hearing listening.

You deserve the help you seek, Emily. Ask to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Ask your school counselor to arrange a meeting with your parents if you think it will help.

Please keep posting so we know how you are doing.

Good luck.

[sanityseeker]

Wishing you well Brighteyes. As you can see you are not alone facing these kinds of thoughts and doubts and fears. You know you are not thinking clearly and you know you need help to sort it all out and to find a way out of the depression. Please don't give up on yourself. There are people who can help you if you tell them what is going on. Take care.