[Radien]

I have told my parents i am depressed.I had told my mother a few weeks ago and my dad this morning. However, i feel bad about it now. I can see that they are sad and devastated about it. My parents both studied psychology, my dad clinical, and he believes that 80% of depression is from the environment the person is living in. I know my depression was caused by the environment i grew up in but it was one that could not have been stopped. I don't know what to do to get over the guiltiness i feel for causing my parents this pain.

[findingmy_self95]

None of it is ur fault, they needed to know before ur depression got out of control. Hopefully things will get better from here.

[Elana05]

Hey Radien,
I can relate. Since telling my parents I'm depressed a year ago I have on several occasions become very guilty and called them up to say, "Oh, it's that I have a chemical imbalance, or it's because I was very deficient in certain vitamins." I'm sure they realize they haven't been there in certain ways. I both love them and I have felt hurt and angered by the ways they haven't been there in my lifetime. It is hard now, but it will get easier. They can be good people, and well-intentioned and still mistakes may have been made. They have had their own issues. And you have a right to deal with yours. It is important to ask for help. In the long run it helps everyone involved. Good luck.

Radien, telling your parents was good for both you and your parents. My hope is both you and your parents are able to recognize getting you help is the issue and the guilt may be dealt with when your treatment is in place.

Be well. Love yourself.

[angie2716]

Radien, hun its not your fault! That's the best thing you could have done. That's a start. I hope everything works out for you! If you need anything you can pm me.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Radien))))

Thank you posting. What you did is nothing to feel guilty for. You were honest and true to you about what you were and are feeling. Sometimes telling family can be the hardest thing. So many times they are the very ones that do not understand. Whether that is from not wanting to believe it or not knowing how to accept that I am not sure and I am not sure that it really matters.

What you did was allow yourself to not hold it within alone where it can eat at you and especially when you want someone to know. I know that many times when we tell we want them to validate and understand. To tell you I am glad you told and that we will help you through this. But so much of the time this is not the case.

Maybe they themselves are feeling some of the guilt that you are taking upon yourself when it is not yours to assume. I know that there have been and still are times when I try to step over that line of allowing someone to have their feelings but because I can see it hurts them. I try to carry it when it is not mine to carry.

Maybe it could have something to do with the fact that they are both psychologist and how could this be? It is true that environment does play a big part in how a person feels but there are others I know that had wonderful parents who feel depressed. And truth is at some time in everyone's life that depression hits everyone in some degree or other.

Depression does not care who it hits nor does it care how or why. It does not make sense many times and so many times someone can say I do not know why I am depressed, I have nothing to be depressed about. Truth is life and death both carry things in it to be saddened about or depressed about. Trying to do the best you can to take care of yourself and to listen to yourself is the best thing we can do.

I really do not believe that you caused your parents this pain. Maybe it is they already know and they are sad and devastated because they know nothing could have been done to have made it not so bad. I am not sure what you are speaking of that could not have been stopped but you are not to blame.

Guilt is something that is hard to let go of and not feel. So I understand how it can be carried. But looking at the guilt as you work through what has you depressed will help you to be able to put it where it belongs. I hope you are getting help and that your parents will support this. You are worth it.

You have taken the first step by telling what you know to be true--you are depressed. That is good self care. Now taking the steps ahead can begin to take place. Just know that you are important and what you feel is important. I validate how you feel and I think you did a really good thing even though it does not feel that way right now.

Thank you for reaching out here and for posting. Please know that we are listening and that we care. I hope you will keep letting us know how you are doing. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[Radien]

Thank you dps. The thing that could have not been prevented was my dad's cancer. I have run into another problem now. My dad wants to know why i would talk to a therapist instead of him when he is licensed as well. I really don't have the answer for this other than that i don't feel like sharing everything i am feeling with my parents, i feel it would be a bit awkward. My dad keeps asking though why i will not tell him everythin that is wrong when he loves me and cares for me and why i would rather tell a stranger, and leave him in the dark. I don't know how to explain to him that it just isn't something i feel like sharing with my parents.

[englishteacher]

Radien,

I can understand why you don't want your dad to be your therapist. It's a boundary issue - you need to be able to tell therapist ANYTHING, and it would be difficult to do that with your dad. Keep trying to help him see that you want outside help, but that you know he loves you.

[thine_self_untrue]

Radien,
You are very brave to tell them this!
It sounds like your parents love you very much and that you also love them deeply. Keep talking to them. Try to make them understand.
Your family is dealing with a lot, but these hardships can draw you closer together.
I hope things get better soon!

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Radien))))

Awwww----I am so sorry to hear that. I think you are very right in your feeling of not wanting to talk to your father. Though you love him and he cares for you, somethings are easier to talk about and to open up to someone who is not connected with the situation. I respect how you feel. I think maybe if you sit down and talk to him and explain how you need to process things and then maybe you could bring him to a few sessions as time goes on and you have had some time to work through some of your feelings. Also, if you do not decide that you want him there that is also fine. Therapy is there for you.

I can relate in telling you that when I was in High School I had my dad as my World History Teacher. It was not fun and felt very akward. I felt that I had to be perfect and could not be as one of the other students. I also had to call him by his name. I felt that I could not really be myself and if I did or said something just as a kid, I would get it at home as well as in school. I know this is no where near the same, I was just letting you know I understand not wanting your father as someone over you in therapy. It is hard enough to open up to a stranger, but to open up all those thoughts and feelings that you must be carrying to him when they are about his illness and how you felt and feel would be very difficult. And something I feel you are intitled to feel.

Please know that I totally validate how you are feeling. Loving your dad makes it hard too, because it is too close to home. Being a therapist I would think that he would understand how you are feeling. I agree with what englishteacher said about it being a boundary thing too. You are bound to have a whole host of feeling going on inside and need to talk this out with someone not involved. I hope you will continue to tell him how you are feeling.

I do not know how old you are so I am unsure of how long you have left in school, is there someone at school you could talk with? I talked with our school counselor when I was in school. From there they brought in a social worker twice a week for me to talk to. I know that things are different in schools today and I am not sure whether they still do this or not. When my children were in school, there was a school counselor there that would talk to the kids from time to time. It is something to think about should you need somewhere to turn until you can make this decision on your on.

I hope you will continue to post here and keep us informed on how you are doing. We are listening and we do care. I know it has to be hard on you when you love your parents. Have you talked to your mom about this and see if she understands and then maybe she could talk to your father. Whatever you decide, it is your choice. Having parents who love you is a plus. But having those feelings and respecting those feelings you are having is important not only by your parents but also by you. Knowing that you are not to blame here and that this is not any of your fault.

I hope you are doing okay. Know that what you are feeling is normal. I hope you will keep updating us here on how things are going. If you need to talk to someone, you can always pm me. Sending many gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[turquoisesea]

I think that as a professional in the field you Dad should be able to understand. It's less of a risk to talk to a stranger/professional than it is to talk to your Dad.

Make sure you let him know you love him, and that it's not about HIM but about you and that you're scared to talk about these things. I think what you have to do is get his professional side to act - as a father of COURSE he wants to be in control, to help you especially when he's skilled in the specific think you need. However as a professional I feel he can see that you might need to go to someone else.

Best of luck, and let us know how it goes
~turquoisesea

(((((((( Radien ))))))))

[FooZe]

Hi Radien, I'm afraid I have no words of wisdom to offer you. If you'd be willing to settle for some words of foolishness, read on...

Originally Posted by Radien

My dad wants to know why i would talk to a therapist instead of him when he is licensed as well.

If I were in your position (fortunately for your dad, I'm not! )...

----- Entering Fool Zero's fantasy -----
Please watch your step.

I'd ask him he foresaw any possibility of a conflict-of-interest problem arising from his dual relationships as my therapist and my parent. If it should ever start to look as if some of the issues for which he was treating me might possibly have anything to do with my family relationships, would he be prepared to refer me to a different therapist?

Specifically, suppose one of the things I wanted to work on in therapy was how to tell my father what was going on with me without upsetting him or getting too upset myself. Would he be able to work on that effectively with me? If so, how would confidentiality work in a situation like that?

----- Leaving Fool Zero's fantasy -----
Please watch your step.

I really don't have the answer for this other than that i don't feel like sharing everything i am feeling with my parents, i feel it would be a bit awkward.

Entre nous, if your dad weren't able to appreciate that, he'd have some major limitations as a therapist from the get-go.

My dad keeps asking... why i will not tell him everythin that is wrong when he loves me and cares for me and why i would rather tell a stranger, and leave him in the dark. I don't know how to explain to him that it just isn't something i feel like sharing with my parents.

----- Reentering Fool Zero's fantasy -----
Please watch your step.

"See, dad? That's the kind of thing I need therapy for!"

----- Leaving Fool Zero's fantasy -----
Please watch your step.