I feel like I'm stuck in a circle.

note: I posted this in Other Mental Health or something like that and I wanted to just move it to this forum or delete that thread altogether but I couldn't figure out how, so this is double posted. sorry.

Several months ago I started to have depression-like feelings. Around January I put the term "clinical depression" into my mind. Found this site probably in February. In December and January some things were going on between a friend and I, but once we settled everything the feelings went away. So I thought I was alright. But sure enough lately they've started to come back. They come in mood swings that strike at all times. The scariest part is I've been having some unsafe thoughts, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I'm 16 and when I first came to this site I was looking for guidance on how to approach my mom with these problems. I gave up and convinced myself I was better. Now I don't know. All I can think about is the fact that I get my drivers license in 2 months and how easy it would be to just run into a tree. I used to be petrified of dying, but now I sometimes just wish I could stumble into some sort of accident so I could just get it over with.

I feel like I'm going to get the same answers I always get, but who knows it's worth a try. Maybe this time someone will say something that actually opens my eyes. There's just something in my head that keeps convincing me I'm alright. When I feel happy, my whole body agrees. But in times like now it's just that small part of me. Somehow I believe it still. Although in my moment of insanity there's a small light that tells me to run and get help.

It's just really scary to not even know what's going on inside my own head.

pointless rant is pointless. sorry you had to read this.

another note: this is NOT a suicide threat or anything. I'm not going to do anything RIGHT THIS SECOND. Because on the front page of this forum it says no suicidal posts, and I don't want this thread to come off that way.

Hi, Brighteyesxo!

Having unsafe thoughts is worrying, but recognizing you're having them is encouraging.

I don't know your mom. Would you be able to print out your post, give it to her to read and not expect an ugly explosion? Is there anyone in your world who could read what you wrote with real sympathy, concern and wisdom?

Hello, Emily. Please talk to your Mother about getting referred to a psychiatrist for evaluation and appropriate treatment. Your illness has gotten worse. Tell your Mom you are having a really hard time and need help.

Good luck.

She won't get mad if I tell her. I'm a little afraid she might not take it as seriously as I do. I just don't know how to approach the situation to get the outcome that I want (which, honestly, is to see a T. But I don't know how to ask for that).

As for people in my life, there's one person I could probably definitely talk to. But she's struggling with an eating disorder currently and I don't want to trigger her or put her problems down in any way.
I'm sure I have other friends that would understand and listen but I don't know how to tell them.