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#1
Apr 05, 2010, 07:36 AM
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It's getting worse every day. I wake up this way... after more than normal sleep. I'm scared, dreading the day to come. supposed to be practicing. I hate feeling depressed, no matter what the cause.I hate hating what I do every day. I hate never seeing my boyfriend. 4 hours of rehearsal today. Need to practice. Double booked myself and having trouble contacting the teacher of the class - if I don't my grade will go down - no good if I want to transfer. Mother not acceptant or receptive of what I'm feeling. All alone here. Want to go home. Want to cry for hours. Want to escape but would feel so guilty I'd take everything with me. Called T for extra session this saturday, didn't fix it, dont know what can. Not on meds, didn't need meds but crashing can't try meds because last time they caused more issues wouldn't be able to finish semester and they'd throw me away again. Breathing isn't even as easy as normal... almost feels like the VERY first signs of panic attack... won't get there but not fun...
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 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#2
Apr 05, 2010, 07:42 AM
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(((((((((( turquoisesea ))))))))))
  Sounds like you need to take a break from this practicing all the time. Any way of taking some time off to recoup. How much longer have you got to keep working this way, is it possible for you to look forward to it all finishing? Maybe you could ring boyfriend and get some support from him.
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
 turquoisesea
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#3
Apr 05, 2010, 07:56 AM
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Well I have taken the weekend off from practicing , but the rehearsals I can't miss. I guess I could look forward to summer but it will just start again next semester.
I NEED to practice today because I have lesson tomorrow (it's like doing homework for a class but I'm avoiding it - been on my computer around here for 45 minutes + reading for 15 rather than getting dressed and doing that. My boyfriend's at work till 1 =) (((((((((pegasus))))))))) thank you for your kind words
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| pegasus
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#4
Apr 05, 2010, 10:26 AM
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(((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))))
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
| turquoisesea
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#5
Apr 05, 2010, 03:44 PM
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I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions or words of comfort. I only hope it gets better for you *Willow* |
| turquoisesea
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#6
Apr 05, 2010, 06:57 PM
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I join the others in noting your distress and wishing really hard we could do something about it and hoping you get relief soon...
((((((( Turquoisesea! )))))))
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| turquoisesea
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#7
Apr 05, 2010, 07:03 PM
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Hey everyone thank you for your kind words of support.
I called in sick to the first rehearsal so I just have tonight's in an hour. I got in over 3 hours (almost 4 now) of GOOD practice, and I ENJOYED some pieces of it. I also went to the gym (my "depression medication") which again felt good. I took care of myself by going to the gym and taking myself out to a nice coffee shop. The meeting today (career counseling) was not definitive but it has me thinking. Feeling better... just a few weeks left 
__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#8
Apr 05, 2010, 09:23 PM
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((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))))
Good for you! I'm glad you could be pro-active about your depression. 
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
| turquoisesea
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#9
Apr 05, 2010, 09:44 PM
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Keep on keeping on, turquoisesea.
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| turquoisesea
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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