[Anony]

I hate it when you can't control your tears. I've been sitting at my desk for the last half hour trying to bat away the tears, but they keep coming. Why? I don't really know... I guess it's a little of everything. I feel 100% worthless, useless, like a big blob of wasted space. To make matters so much worse is all the schoolwork I need to do. This is my first semester back in college after nearly a 5 year break. I thought it would make me happy to finally go back, since it has been bothering me for the last 5 years, but it's actually making me feel worse. I've always been a decent student... mostly A's and B's... the occasional C... a D once or twice (math), but now I'm struggling to do anything at all. I should be happy now that there's only 2 weeks left of school, but I have 6 research papers I need to write in that time plus whatever other work they give me and I'm falling apart. It's not that I'm not capable of doing it, it's just that my mind is drawing a constant blank and I'm panicking. I don't think I've ever felt so stupid in all my life. I want to quit... I want to quit everything, but that only makes me panic more because I have nothing to fall back on. I'm just going to come right out and say it... I am a loser.

Another thing that's irritating me: earlier today I read an article about symptoms of stress (some of you might have seen it on yahoo) and I was telling my mom about it and how I have about 7/9 of them. I've been battling stress my whole life. Anyway, my dad overheard us talking and started lecturing me about how there's no reason whatsoever a person like me should be stressed about anything and if I am it's only because I let myself worry about the little things that aren't important in life. What?! That one minute lecture made me feel so awful and useless. I haven't done much with my life since high school and I know he's always been disappointed in me, but now it feels like he's implying that because I don't have a job I shouldn't feel stressed out.

Well, there you have it... I'm a severely stressed out bum. Thanks for letting me rant...

[Mike_J]

My wife told our daughter this trick
Take a deep breath (or two)
then press your tounge against the roof of your mouth
it seemed like a stort of strange way to to control your tears, but it has worked for me, and my daughter as well.

[muse]

(((((((((((((((((Anony))))))))))))))))))))))

I know a little of how you feel. I'm wrapping up my first year of college with only 2 weeks to go, and if I let myself think of everything that's looming... >.< Well. You know how panicky that can make a person. To manage it I make a list of the things I am going to do TODAY, in order of importance. If I can cross even one thing off that list, I consider it a victory. It's so, SO incredibly hard some days, when you deal with depression and the enhanced stress that can go with it.

The important thing to remember is that, for you, this IS harder than for a lot of others, and that you are here and working regardless! It's extremely difficult sometimes, but when it comes right down to it YOU are the only person in your head, and nobody else can tell you that what you are going through is or is not valid. Try saying aloud, "My father is wrong. My feelings of stress is valid. I am a good, worthwhile person, and nobody can change that. I define myself!" Sounds corny, but it can help.

And maybe.... just let yourself cry. My great grandmother used to say, "Sometimes a person needs a good, cleansing cry." I don't know about you, but it will often make me feel a bit better to just let the tears out, weep a little, and then pick up and face the day.

Either way, good luck! Let's both get through these last two weeks together, okay?

[Anony]

Thanks Mike, I'll definitely try that sometime.

And thanks muse! You have no idea how much your post has lifted my spirits today. It's rare when I feel like I'm not completely alone (mentally) in this crazy world and I guess knowing that you're going through something similar (and with a positive outlook!) helps me a ton. And btw, my mom says the exact same thing, "Sometimes a person needs a good, cleansing cry." So, yes... let's get through these last 2 week together! We can do it!!