becoming an EXTREME frustration

i'm not even sure where to post this to be honest, but i'm gonna just try this none the less. i am becoming beyond frustrated. although the more facts could be better here i will try to remain brief, because honestly it would just take too long to try to express it all.

suffice it to say there are no answers for what i've been going through as of this last month. the things that have been going on are totally new for me at least..my therapist doesn't have any clue, my doctor doesn't have any clue, nor does anyone else in my life that i have tried to take this up with. they're trying to get a neuro psych test done on me, but we're hitting road blocks everywhere we turn. btw i can't afford this test either. it's simply far too expensive.

i'm doing my best to remain hopeful, but as time is passing this is even beginning to fade. i have some just tremendous things going for me atm. i'm very excited about this. however, i am becoming quite concerned that these things i'm beginning to experience are going to get in the way of this. i cannot even begin to tell you just how devistated i would become if i lose out on my new opportunities due to this stuff. it would shatter me.

i'm doing my best to hold on here or keep with the program as they say, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. i have no where to turn either. i don't even have the option of going to a hospital if (God forbid) it came down to it. the last time i was in a hospital they had me on a 72hr hold. they let me go after 36hrs telling me "there is nothing more they can do to help me".

sorry for the little rant here. i'm just becoming extremely frustrated with just everything atm. just not quite sure just what to do anymore. thanks for taking the time to listen to my rant. take care

No answers, no resources for potential answers, and the problem threatens wonderful opportunities -- extreme frustration seems entirely reasonable to me.

Please, feel free to continue.

What are you diagnosed with? So you have some great things going on, but you're afraid your mental health will ruin it - is that correct?

thanks for replying. it's hard to explain really, and there's just so much involved. to answer your question about my diagnosis. i've had a few over the years. for many years i was labeled bipolar II as well as borderline and ptsd. when i moved to where i'm at now they changed the bipolar diagnosis to severe depressive disorder. i've tried countless medications none of which i felt like ever helped. i even did ECT for about 16 months or so. it came to roughly having about 60 (give or take) treatments. now it did help while i was having them. i went from my average of 5 hospitalizations a year to only going in once in about 15 months. my therapist however became increasingly troubled by the effects she was seeing with me. i think primarily memory issues. i think that's all not totally sure about that though. anyways, the treatments stopped at the end of last june. i understood why my medical team stopped them, but i must say the timing just couldn't have been worse.

in january of this year during my second to last hospitalization i asked to be taken off of all my meds. they complied. i actually began doing significantly better. my life really had made an incredible maybe even more of a miraculous u turn. so much so that i was asked to become a mentor for a group at the mental health center for those with severe illnesses. i am currently doing this. i consider it a great honor to be able to encourage others, and to be a support for others. i have also been offered to do a training to become a peer support specialist. i won't find out if i've been accepted to do this training until the 12th of may, but again i consider a real honor and privaledge to even be considered for doing this. when i was asked if i would like to do this i jumped right on it being as i love dearly trying to help others. trying to help others is just my little way of making some kind of good out of all the things i have been through in my life. i have always wanted to believe that there is something good in everything that happens in our lives, yet if for some reason i just can't seem to find it i wanted to try to make good come from it. this is just my little way of making the bad guys lose. i do not want to be overcome by my experiences. it's just wrong and just personally i don't want to give them the satisfaction.

i have had more than a traumatic year to say the least. i have been suffering a tremendous traumatic situation for the last 15 months, and will continue to go through this for at least another 3 years. i also suffered two other traumas during this time one of which i endured for about a month. like i said things had really begun to make a u turn, and i've been incredibly thankful for this. just over the last month however i've just been experiencing some things some of which have begun to manifest themselves physically. such as like when i'm having some intense thought going on at times my vision will become blurry, my head begins to spin, and things begin to seem surreal.

there's more to all this, but i guess this is a start. so i'll spare you further comments at least for right now. thanks for taking the time to listen. i really do appreciate it. take care

Have you tried reading self help books? They help me sometimes when I'm at a loss as to what to do...

that's a valid question, but i'm afraid i wouldn't even know where to look. i wouldn't know that there is even a book regarding this issue. it's not known at this point if the problem is neurological or psychological. that's why it's so imperative to get this neuro test done, but it's just not looking like it's going to happen. very frustrating.

take care

Ah. That's a sticky situation. In the back of my mind I've filed some sort of information about some medications used both by neurologists and psychiatrists, each discipline having its own reason for using the same meds.

But I'm getting off-topic. It may be possible to address your problem without knowing for certain whether it is -- or is primarily -- psychological or neurological. Nevertheless, the more data the better. I regret you're stuck; your frustration is even more justified in my mind.

EDIT: Depakote/valproic acid and Klonopin/clonazepam are two such drugs prescribed for both psychological and neurological issues.

thank you. i appreciate your input. maybe i don't need to specifically know, but both me and my therapist see the need right now. i preferably do not want to go down the med road again. i went down it for about 15 yrs and tried nearly all if not every med out there. none of them helped at all. i think the need for clarity on this issue is so we know best how to approach to handling all the things i'm experiencing.

thank you again for your input. i will continue to consider your words. take care