i

give up. thats all.

(((((SweetSunshine))))

maybe you should give yourself a break for a day or two. Be kind to yourself. You can pick yourself back up tomorrow

Do you want to talk about what you're feeling right now? I'm here to listen

Hang in there ((((SweetSunshine))))

Now that you have given up, SweetSunshine, what is the plan?

(((( SweetSunshine )))) Keep holding on and post here for support, I hope things get better for you soon.

Thanks all of you. Just too much of life and too much of feeling alone in it. Just trying to make it thru the days here and figuring out things. Missing my parents alot. With their birthdays being last month and this month and Mother's day this month and Father's day next month... the 19th year without my mom, and first year without my dad. And my dog being sick has worried me alot. Seems like everything is just falling apart around me and I don't know what to do to keep it all together. Somedays I feel I need a break at the psych ward. Just to recoup and re-evaluate things. But yet I hate it there.. had 3 days there like 4 yrs ago and that was enough. I need a vacation away from here. I need to be able to see the ocean and just plant myself there. Seems the only place I feel peace. But I am so bogged down with my hospital bills its not funny. So I won't be going anywhere anytime soon. So no peaceful place to go to. No arms to be in. nothing.... its just me and my foggy mind existing only by the beating of my heart. And most days anymore I wish I didn't have a heart at all.

Go to bed and surround yourself with pillows so that you can hardly move. That always helps me feel safe.

I relate so much to the last lines of your post... I'm really sorry you feel this way. I hope you find a way to sort things out very soon, so you can go on that well deserved vacation near the ocean

Also coming here makes me feel less lonely. If it helps you too, remember you're always more than welcome here

((((sweetsunshine)))) I will keep you in my thoughts

Wish I had a magic wand (((((((sweetsunshine)))

((Sweetsunshine)) - do something you love to make yourself feel better. Maybe a pedicure, getting your hair done, a new outfit, whatever makes you feel good. Rent or watch a funny movie or clip - a good belly laugh perks you up. My motto is, if you can't change it, then accept it - like the Serenity Prayer says. If you feel like giving up, this is a signal to pamper Sweetsunshine. So what would make you feel good?

Thanks again all of you for your advice and concern. I'm taking care of things as I can. Just got back from therapy. It went ok i guess. I only stayed for like 20 minutes of an hour session. And I made a decision it would be my last. I made no other further appts. My T didn't approve of this nor like that I was doing this. But it was my choice. I will have to cut ties sooner or later. So why not now? I've been there for years now, I know how I need to deal with stuff. I'll find a way. Thanks again for everything.

I'm surprised by your last post, quiting your T. It makes some sense and I can tell you want it to be this way. Just remember, it sounds like your T will probably be there again if you need. And we are here for support as well =)


May I ask why you stopped with T now? It's just weird hearing that you're having a rough time

((((((SweetSunshine))))))

Turquoisea~

Appearently I had a brain fart. . Seriously though. I've just lost faith in myself and others who have been there for me IRL. But mostly in myself that I can change things, and be more honest with myself about how I am dealing with some things. I'm trying to feel things deeper than I have in a long time. Just wanting to find some clarification. And it scares me to actually see this stuff. And then to have to tell my T about it too. I don't really want to get into what the stuff is. Its just very personal. But I know I need to face it, and since all this went down Thursday, I have talked to my T again and scheduled an appt.

Thank you ((((((((((((Freaknbeautiful)))))))))))) .. see how I changed that into something good lol :P Your not a freak either ok?

I am glad you decided to make another appointment, you deserve to have someone to talk to

sorry this reply is so delayed - have had limited internet access. Just wanted to say It's good to hear about the T appointment, how did it go?