[forestmonster]

why I'm even here at 15 years old, on the verge of being 16. I don't even know if I'm allowed.
I have the mind of someone over 20. Age is more discriminated these days than race, religion, or anything else. If someone is young, they're automatically assumed stupid, or unwise, or incapable of doing anything. Just being a "kid".
I've had to deal with more than a normal teenager should in the past 4 or 5 years. Way too much. I don't know if I should talk about it. I want to. but no one really cares to hear my long stories.
But lately, all I can do, is think about leaving my house, or doing drugs, which I'm not even into drugs. But I think about it for some reason.
The only time I'm happy is when I'm at my boyfriends house. His house is lively and we always have huge get-togethers there. My house is a negative environment, my family is always angry and they argue a lot. I stay out of it and stay in my room.
My friends are pulling away from me. I haven't really had an interest in talking to them but when I do, they're gone. The only person I really have left is my boyfriend. They disappeared. I'm an artist, and I haven't even been interested in that anymore. I just sleep, and cry, and eat. I'm wondering if I'm clinically depressed, because I haven't felt this sad ever, especially when my last day of 10th grade is tomorrow and I should be excited.
What should I do..?

[sugahorse1]

Teenage years are never easy, especially as you are busy trying to define yourself. If you find yourself in a whole you cannot climb out of, please go see a psychologist or psychiatrist you can talk to, and they can really diagnose you and if necessary prescribe medication to make you feel better.

As a teenager I became very withdrawn. My horses were the only thing that mattered, and luckily I found school interesting, so I paid attention in class. At your age friends are very important. Please don't make your boyfriend the only and most important thing in your life. You need diversity and a social aspect to your life too. I'm only 24, yet all my friends, as well as my boyfriend, are a whole lot older. The people close to me also don't look at me as a typical 24 year old - because I really am not - but this is because I've proven myself and they know me.
Don't let others' opinions of you bug you. Set yourself goals (short-term and long-term) and drive towards them regardless.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Forestmonster! The following really jumps out at me:

Originally Posted by forestmonster

The only time I'm happy is when I'm at my boyfriends house. His house is lively and we always have huge get-togethers there. My house is a negative environment, my family is always angry and they argue a lot. I stay out of it and stay in my room.

It took me a long time to figure out and then admit to myself something was wrong with my family. Through your boyfriend, you have access to a much more functional, apparently "happy" family (I put 'happy' in quotes because I don't know how well you know your boyfriend's family, but your impressions of their liveliness are important). I hope you can observe, interact and learn much from that family.

Sure, some of the symptoms you describe (pulling away from friends, sadness, emotions inappropriate to the occasion, etc.) could be signs of clinical depression. Only a professional can determine that, though. I imagine your freedom of movement and therapeutic screening options are limited by your age and family situation (I could be wrong). Consider first checking out some of the resouces at PsychCentral:

• Mental Health & Psychology Resources Online

Also, it may be useful to talk to someone from one of the following organizations. You may learn of free resources and support groups from them.

• Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) Home Page
• DBSA Support Groups and Chapters
• DBSA Support Groups and Chapters Directory (Terms of Use)
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Home Page
• Find Your State & Local NAMI

All the best to you, Forestmonster (and no need to worry about the length of your stories)!

[forestmonster]

Thanks you guys.

And no, sugahorse, I don't make him the only thing in my life. I try really hard to interact with my friends. They push me away, which is part of the reason I'm feeling this way. Friends I've had for beyond 7 years or so, are getting boyfriends, pulling away, or simply not contacting me at all.

My family does have a situation I'd rather not speak about in public, I'm only comfortable talking about it to people who wanna give advice instead of take action. That's my job. I don't trust therapists, the reason is because of my age, they promise to keep it secret, but they lie, and tell my parents. This has happened before. And I have a lot of things I'm ashamed of that I'd rather my parents not know right now because all they would do is misunderstand and get mad at me for things that are not my fault.

For instance; the first boyfriend I had raped me and took my virginity when I was barely 14 and it still affects me sometimes, and I'm afraid to tell my mom because she thinks I lie about everything that comes out of my mouth, she'd accuse me of lying and says I had sex with him all the time, and would ban me from my current boyfriend, who has helped me out and respected and understood me more than anyone has in a really long time, and he and his friends are trying to lead me through this period of my friends abandoning me and my family problem. I hate having to keep secrets, and if I talk to people about that kind of stuff they see me as someone with problems and push me away. I don't get it.

[SophiaG]

I dont get it either Forest. Maybe some people are just uncomfortable when upsetting things happen and don't want to deal with it, so they just push you away. *hug*

Welcome to the Community, forestmonster. Is there a school counselor you can talk to?