[jrae]

i don't know anymore...

my parents shared "their thoughts" today. my dad said tonight that they think i'm not working or moving forward cuz i have everything provided for me. his example was years ago when i was in college compared to now. um hello, that was before my depression cut my legs out from under me - duh, of course things are going to be different now! and my parents keep asking me about my "future" plans, like a year from now or five. all i can manage to say is that i don't have a plan. i don't want them to know what i truly think, which is that i don't even know IF i will be here a year from now...

and my parents think i'm just waiting around for a "cure-all" medication. wtf!!! they want me to go to a treatment program - screw that! it's no wonder i'm like an inch away from saying i quit. i can't tell them that i'm tired of fighting - it's been over four years with NO change! most people in my place would not have made it this far. and i have never been hospitalized - they should be so f-ing thankful! it's things like this that make me just want to go to sleep and stay there for a while...

[NuckingFutz]

Sounds like they do not understand depression but they love you. That combination can hurt a lot. Maybe this is their way of saying that they think your meds and or therapy isn't working? The reason I say that is because you mention in your post that you were thinking that you might not be around next year. I sure hope you will be here next year and doing better. Maybe checking in to get reevaluated on your meds might help.

[Aunt Donna]

Your parents are concerned about you. I know depression is hard but with the right medication and therapy, you can improve. Please don't give up.

[Lisa Michelle]

I think it's hard for the people who love us, they want us to be better but they just don't understand mental illness, not if they've not been there. It's even so hard for ME to understand what's wrong with me, so of course my mum has no idea.

I guess I'm in a similar situation to you. I had previously lived away from home, at uni and abroad and then came a massive breakdown and for the past, nearly a year, have been living back at home, doing nothing really (and I just turned 25). I'm not well enough to work and my step dad in particular doesn't really understand this - he thinks I'm keeping myself ill because I don't want to work. And it makes me feel useless, absolutely dreadful, I've learnt to place self worth on having a job, and I've never coped well with working and haven't had a full time job in a long time.. so obviously I don't think much of myself (my step dad 'raised' me to see having a job as the number 1 priority in life).

Why won't you consider going to a treatment program? Do you know what would be involved? Can you see your dad's reason for suggesting it? You're not well, they just want you to be well and getting all the help you can could be important.

I've struggled on and off for years also so I know how it feels to just think you'll never be better, no matter how much you try,, but it is important to keep trying. If you keep trying things might not change (right now), but if you stop trying things will never change. Trying is your part, if you try then you're doing all you can. It's ok for you to be too ill to be in a different situation right now, it's not your fault, it's soo difficult. But perhaps there is more help out there for you? Maybe the help you're getting right now isn't right for you, or not enough. Are you taking meds? Do they not work? Can you try a different one?

I know it must have been horrible to be asked what your plan is. It's so hard to even have one when you're struggling with mental illness. I'd be devastated if my parents asked me what my plan was for 5 years time. My only plan is 1. Get better ..and thinking of "when" that will happen leaves me feel very upset, because I just don't know. That's as much as they can expect, your plan being to get better first, and right now it's as much as they should want. You can't do 5 years down the line when you can barely do 1 week down the line.
Oh but... if they ask you what your plan is, and you just say you don't have a plan, how can they understand why? If you don't tell them how crippling depression is, how it's hard to get from one day to the next right now, and you feel so low you don't SEE a future... maybe if you don't tell them, they just don't know it. It does sound like they just want you to be ok, even though I know that conversation must have been very upsetting for you.

[garden]

Hi Jrae! You are in a hard spot. All responding to you before me are right. Depression is not easy to verbalize, relate or have a loved one understand the mixed up, sometimes lack of emotion we experience. I hope the reference made means that you won't be at your parent's HOME next year. You've gotten through college and that is an accomplishment in itself. Sometimes when I have no reaction outwardly I am terribly angry inside. I don't realize it until, well I've caused some hurt feelings. Treat yourself to a session just to see if that's where you'd like to start. Take care

[SophiaG]

You should go to the treatment program. Your parents are trying to help you.

jrae, if the treatment is not working tell the treatment team how you feel. Ask them about the pros and cons of a treatment program.

Good luck in working your way through this.