[turquoisesea]

I'm not dumb.
I'm generally a nice person.
I'm responsible.

but I'm not educated. I've gone to college but I was an idiot and chose music. With my grades from high school I probably could have chosen any degree path, but I chose music. I don't even have the degree yet, and the only reason I want it is to have a college degree.

I don't want to go back to this school.

I want a start over button.

I feel so useless, I don't meet any qualifications for even temp jobs, I'm sick of food industry. =( My mom made me think I could make enough money to support a family with music PERFORMANCE, when she's not even making 10,000 a year >.> she was letting her husband making lots of money (I should have chosed to folloow in HIS footsteps) take care of her and the family.

[Skully]

Don't worry, one day that right job will come along. I went to school for criminal justice administration and ended up working in mental health. It takes time but one day it will all fall into place for you. So keep your chin up and do the best you can and keep applying for jobs!

[turquoisesea]

I hope so


RIght now feeling horrible. I've wanted to go outside all day. Soemthing is stopping me. I dunno where to go. If I had my bike I'd ride to teh park and take a walk ro to the gym. If I had my car I could go to mall do all the errands I need to do

I have neither so I'm sitting in bed and the boredom is driving me crazy

dunno what to do , turning to self repulsion and hate

sorry to be such a downer

[turquoisesea]

Life is just too short to be depressed

[Lisa Michelle]

Do you WANT to have a career in music? If you do then you should stick at it, something might come up for you. You're not only capable of making as much as your mum makes, you're a different person.
If you want to switch degrees though, is that possible? You're still really young so if money isn't an issue it wouldn't be a bad idea, if that appealed to you.

I do understand you're panic, I just turned 25, have a failed attempt at uni, no qualifications really except one from when I was 19 (it doesn't mean much) and have no job prospects, and even if I had job prospects I'm terrified of the idea of working!

Hang on in there, don't let the negative voice take over too much. You have options and possibilities. If you didn't make enough performing perhaps you could teach?

[SophiaG]

How close are you to getting your degree?

[turquoisesea]

SophiaG, I'm 1.5 years (3 full semesters) away from the degree.

Lisa, thanks for asking. At this point I don't think I want a career in music. I'm not sure I ever really did, I wasn't thinking careers, I was just thinking school (pretty dumb I know). I would still like to teach privately on the side (that's been my main focus the whole time) but it turns out performing jobs aren't what I like anyways, and I've never wanted to teach MUSIC in school (would be fine teaching generally in school)

I'm not sure if it's possible to switch degrees. If I did I would definitely have to transfer - I'm at a school where there are only music degrees offered; to switch majors I'd have to at the very least switch to the main campus which means giving up my scholarship. After just one year, I was told I could not switch my major to music education without doing the whole year over. Now it would take 2-3 additional years to do that if that was even what I want (which it isn't).

Money is a bit touchy; if I finish here I've more than depleted my college account. However, if I went to state school I could probably afford getting another degree somehow, especially if I worked over summers etc.

I'm terrified of working too! I'm glad I'm not alone in this and hope we can both overcome that fear

Thanks everyone, feeling a bit better right this moment: I got out to play soccer today (a group plays every friday). I had never really played soccer before (other than elementary school) and it was fun. TIRING but fun. So right now my mood is a bit higher.

Thanks for all the support and sorry for the clicheness/negativity of my posts lately ***grrrrrrr depression*****

[garden gal]

Turquoise Sea,
I wish you the best in sorting through all this. I also started out as a music major at a conservatory... after two years, I switched to a major in political science. I've never had a job that directly related to either one of those majors. Ended up pursuing master's degrees in completely different areas. I am not exactly the poster child for great career success right now... but I think it is pretty common to end up doing something different than what your college major is.
Lots of schools have career counselors that can help you to identify what you are interested in and what your strong points already are. That might be worth checking out.
This (college majors, career stuff) is a hard thing for most people to figure out when they aren't depressed... in my experience, trying to make decisions when I'm depressed is much harder. Be kind to yourself. And, just because you made a choice as a teenager (majoring in music) that you might do differently now does not mean that you are an "idiot" as you put it... you are probably just in a different place in your life now than you were then.
Take care,
garden gal