[Sunset-L]

Sometimes people just don't understand how depressed you are. I tell people that I get depressed or feel uncomfortable hearing about other people's happiness & sucess in life. It seems to me that certain people do not understand my feelings or respect them and here's an example of one of them..

It's seems that all you're filled with is bitterness and jelousy!!

stop moaning and start sorting out your issues, and stop expecting the world to stand back and not say anything incase its upsets YOU!!

You don’t want to hear about others success and happiness!!!

I presuming all you want to hear are people who are like you??

What are you some kind of god??

It shows that certain people are totally disrespectfull and do not understand what I've been through in life, all they do is make judgements and critisisms. I don't understand that type of behavior in people.. I feel that people don't understand my feelings. I would never talk to people in that certain way if they were in my place, especially with that type of critisism.. I guess the only way people will take you seriously is to end your life. Then again maybe not.

[turquoisesea]

I think some people can't understand without experiencing. Some people can, some people can't. And I'm sorry you're among people who just DON'T get it. I don't think getting worse can make things clearer to them. So the best thing you can do is to try to get better. Are you in therapy? Have you gone to a doctor?

[Rohag]

Hi, Sunset-L!

Originally Posted by Sunset-L

...certain people are totally disrespectful...all they do is make judgments and criticisms.

Unfortunate but true.

Do circumstances force you to interact with this person, the person you quoted? If you cannot avoid them, could you reduce communication with them to the bare, functional minimum? Simple techniques exist for creating emotional distance between you and a toxic other in your life.

[Lisa Michelle]

I think when people are depressed they're extra sensitive to critisism. Well, I know even when I'm NOT depressed I take critisim very very badly and so I can really sympathise with you for having been personally critisised like this.

I don't know if this quote will help you, but it struck something in me, it's from a self help book, I think, and this bit is talking about not taking things personally --

"Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you," writes Ruiz. "What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.... Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians.... But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell".

It's true though, it's very hard to understand the nature of depression unless you've been there or known someone well who has. I suppose if they knew, they wouldn't be so quick to critisise in such harsh ways.
I think we partly do need to 'learn' to be less sensitive, sometimes, though. Well, me personally I know I could be much less sensitive to any form of critisism (even when it's not meant that way), I think it would benefit my life if I could learn to not take things so personally and get upset over people's remarks.

What don't you like about hearing other people's happy stories? Do you have a tendency to compare, and think that you are not as good as them, perhaps? I do tend to do that a bit, I've had to stop looking at my 'friends' profiles on facebook because I do get quite jealous, seems everyone is so happy and doing lots of things, it makes me feel bad about my own life... but I'm working on it and thinking what I could add to my life to make my own life more 'fun' (I do think people are having much less fun that facebook suggests, though!).

I hope you are doing ok, try not to be too upset over the nasty remarks, you have to wonder what is 'wrong' with that person that they so readily insult you, I mean, why would anyone feel the need to insult a stranger? Most people would be hurt by that, so the person insulting you might have their own issues and their own reason for wanting to upset others.

[raiieanna]

God. You know, when I try to tell people I'm not feeling so hot, so up, I'm depressed, they tend to try to analyze WHY I feel that way. That's not what I'm looking for. That just makes me feel even worse. What I want, what I need, is for someone to simply be there, to tell me, you're just having a day. Lean on me, cry it out, and I'll be here to hold and comfort you. That's all I want. Sometimes, that's all I really need is a good cry and someone to listen to me whine. And right now, that's where I'm at. So if you're reading this, and you see my yahoo im....please, chat me up. I am needing an ear SO bad right now. Thank you, and God bless.

[MoonTurtle]

Originally Posted by Lisa Michelle

It's true though, it's very hard to understand the nature of depression unless you've been there or known someone well who has. I suppose if they knew, they wouldn't be so quick to critisise in such harsh ways.

I agree - people can be very judgmental because they don't understand what it's really like, unless they've felt that way themselves.

Even though there is a history of depression in my family, there is very little sympathy or understanding towards the people who suffer from it. The "normal" people view the depressed people as weak-willed, difficult to deal with, moody, needy, etc. They don't seem to understand that depression is an illness, not a personality flaw or a lifestyle choice.

So far, I've kept my depression a secret from my family, because I'm so afraid of being rejected or criticized. I'm sure they've noticed that I'm not quite happy, but they don't know the extent of how badly I've been feeling. I'm fairly good at putting on an appearance of everything being okay, when really it's not.

Originally Posted by Lisa Michelle

What don't you like about hearing other people's happy stories? Do you have a tendency to compare, and think that you are not as good as them, perhaps? I do tend to do that a bit, I've had to stop looking at my 'friends' profiles on facebook because I do get quite jealous, seems everyone is so happy and doing lots of things, it makes me feel bad about my own life... but I'm working on it and thinking what I could add to my life to make my own life more 'fun' (I do think people are having much less fun that facebook suggests, though!).

Sometimes I would avoid Facebook for long periods...it was too painful to see other people seeming to be so carefree and happy and loving life, when I felt so miserable and alone. Made me feel like a total loser by comparison, reminding me of everything that's missing from my life. I am also trying to add things to my life to make it more fun and interesting. Not much luck so far, but I keep trying!!

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Sunset-L

...all they do is make judgements and critisisms. I don't understand that type of behavior in people.

It sounds like this person has a lot of anger and is very aggressive. I have found out how difficult it is to talk to people like this, especially about issues in the "feelings" category. Sometimes this reaction that people have is to cover up pain in their own life -- a super defensive reaction, like "I'm not going to feel it and so you shouldn't either!" My mom does this. Its hard to talk about "feelings" with her because she hasn't processed her own... you know? In truth, everyone has a right to their own feelings. They just are what they are.

Sorry you felt put down and invalidated. Try to let it roll off. The most important thing is to take care of yourself.

[venusss]

Oh, I get it... you don't want to hear about people being happy when you are not. I totally do. I sometimes totally envy my friends going to fabulous work dinners when I don't have job at the moment and dine ramen noodles (I sometimes cry in my ramen too...).

But there is a risk of becoming a party pooper... Some people worked hard for their success, therefore I feel kind of oblidged to listen to them. In friendship, there should be the 50-50 ratio. Because sometimes you just want to whine and rant to somebody. SOMEtimes is the keyword.

different folks have also different ways of dealing with things... and I believe you can get thoughts of depression. Of course, I am not saying that you can change your mood by 180 degrees... but for me... I feel somehow better when I distract myself...

So if those happy people are your friends, who listen to you and are there with you... let them share their happiness too... Because it's important to them just as much as your feelings are important to you. In exchange, they can be there for you... If they are random strangers tune them out. They are not being happy to offend you... Not everybody will understand you. If some people are doing more harm than good to you, than maybe they aren't the people you need in your life.

[Mike_J]

Originally Posted by raiieanna

God. You know, when I try to tell people I'm not feeling so hot, so up, I'm depressed, they tend to try to analyze WHY I feel that way. That's not what I'm looking for. That just makes me feel even worse. What I want, what I need, is for someone to simply be there, to tell me, you're just having a day. Lean on me, cry it out, and I'll be here to hold and comfort you. That's all I want. Sometimes, that's all I really need is a good cry and someone to listen to me whine.

You expressed my feelings so well, and I don't think we are alone in just wanting pepole to "hear" us not try to fix us, to be there for us, not to judge us.

[Ygrec23]

Sunset-L said: "Sometimes people just don't understand how depressed you are. I tell people that I get depressed or feel uncomfortable hearing about other people's happiness & sucess in life. It seems to me that certain people do not understand my feelings or respect them... "

Ygrec23 replied: "Yes! How can a person who's never felt depression comprehend the terrible times through which a depressed person goes? There are some who have such wonderful empathic abilities that they DO understand. But they're a tiny, tiny minority. Most people have a lot to do simply understanding themselves, their family and their friends, let alone someone very different. The basic, species-wide human understanding of other people is very limited.

Even by the time they passed away, I don't think I understood my mother, my father or my brother Peter. And that's after spending many, many days consciously trying to do it. And they all suffered from some kinds of psychological problems which I can't even name, let alone understand. As for them understanding ME, it's literally ROFLOL!!!

I don't think that people are being disrespectful of anyone's sufferings. If the disability is visible people try to help. But mental sufferings are invisible to most. And unless they've been there too they just won't get it. I can't blame them for it. I guess none of our ancestors got an evolutionary advantage from being able to sniff out mental illness. And as far as VISIBLE mental illness is concerned (some types of schizophrenia, mania, etc.), they know something's wrong but it terrifies them because they haven't the faintest idea what it could be.

The only place where you'll be understood is right here at PC, surrounded by people with problems the same as or similar to what you've been suffering all along. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy and PM me any time if you want an understanding ear to listen to you. And I think most folks here would say the same.

Good luck and take care!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

Oh, I get it... you don't want to hear about people being happy when you are not. I totally do. I sometimes totally envy my friends going to fabulous work dinners when I don't have job at the moment and dine ramen noodles (I sometimes cry in my ramen too...).

But there is a risk of becoming a party pooper... Some people worked hard for their success, therefore I feel kind of oblidged to listen to them. In friendship, there should be the 50-50 ratio. Because sometimes you just want to whine and rant to somebody. SOMEtimes is the keyword.

different folks have also different ways of dealing with things... and I believe you can get thoughts of depression. Of course, I am not saying that you can change your mood by 180 degrees... but for me... I feel somehow better when I distract myself...

So if those happy people are your friends, who listen to you and are there with you... let them share their happiness too... Because it's important to them just as much as your feelings are important to you. In exchange, they can be there for you... If they are random strangers tune them out. They are not being happy to offend you... Not everybody will understand you. If some people are doing more harm than good to you, than maybe they aren't the people you need in your life.

VenusHalley excellently put