[Emily_Strange]

Being TIME magazine's quintessential "Twixter" has become taxing on the soul, and having struggled with depression and anxiety and other things all my life doesn't help. I probably need some therapy/career adviser mix, and maybe a pill or two.

I hope other people can relate, because I'm feeling rather alone in this battle against myself.

I hate to say it, but I wish there was some role model for me to look to. I really can't do this on my own, like American culture tells me I should be able to. I don't know where to even begin. Should I start with my confidence? My people skills? My initiative and taking responsibility? Should I start by just picking up and trying anything? Should I keep trying to find jobs in my degree realm, accounting? ...Even if I'm not that interested in such jobs and I'm pretty sure I majored in the wrong thing? Should I try my hand at anything that piques my interest? Can I really afford that and do I want to put that burden on my parents while I'm living with them? Should I peace out to a foreign country and volunteer abroad? I should really be thinking 401k about now, but how on earth can I start saving and move out when I can't find a full time job, let alone find myself, and and and....

I'm grateful for all these options. But I have this sense of being stunned stupid. I have too many broad interests and no specialties. Others will tell you I'm free spirited and creative. Accounting? What an awful mistake. Do I want to live to work or work to live? Am I analytical or am I problem solving or am I....

I spent the whole past year getting into bad relationships to distract me from all these important thoughts. There's at least brief security in these relationships, but clearly it hasn't been working for me. When it comes down to it, I feel like I have no one to talk to, and I especially have no one to give good direction. Most of my friends are in the same boat. My parents try not to be woefully disappointed in me. They haven't helped much up until this point, my best choices were ones they opposed. I wish they'd keep their thoughts to themselves if they can't help. It's just unnecessary pressure.

Its all very frustrating, feeling totally alone and insecure like this.

Are there similar stories out there?

Anyone found answers?

[Perna]

Okay, I'm 60 and matriculated in history, changed majors in my senior year to sociology and then graduated out into the 1972 recession where, not only were there no jobs but women still were only "allowed" to work as teachers, nurses or. . . secretaries. My father suggested I aspire to become an "administrative assistant" with my college degree. . .

My last job was in accounting. Funny world, this.

If I could do it all again? (but with the knowledge I have now :-) First thing is I'd tell myself "You'll be okay". It would have helped a great deal to think that way back 35 years ago. I moved out of my parents home when I was 22 and had a job working as a clerk at Sears Roebuck for $95 a week.

I like accounting as well as being good at it and if it were "today" with computers and being able to major in all sorts of things, I might have picked accounting/business because the chances of getting a better paying job at some point would be greater. After I had my accounting courses in the early 90's I went around to accounting firms, Dec-February offering to "sub" for them during tax season and do all the little stuff their normal employees would be too pressed to do, working like banshees February to late May or June (and then trying to do year-end business books for those industries/businesses that close midyear).

I got good picking up "odd" jobs I invented for myself like that. My favorite past time though was interviewing for part-time jobs "beneath" me but in fields I wanted to learn about or with tasks I hated (filing) so I could learn to do them anyway, despite my penchant for trying to avoid such tasks. If someone wants/needs them done, why can't I just do them? I never did learn discipline growing up so it got harder and harder the older I got to try and cajole myself into doing either what I "ought" or even what I ultimately wanted but which would take time. I was a spoiled child when it came to wanting what I wanted when I wanted it

I worked at Sears for a little over a year when a friend of my parents knew of a job and spoke for me so I got it. I stayed there for two years before going on to a job I had myself chosen and which I was good at. It was the late 70's and very early 80's and I got in on the ground floor of computers. I stayed at that job 8 years until my mentor retired and I decided I would go out on my own. That only lasted about a year and a half and I found, what, at-the-time, seemed my dream job. It turned out to be a boring dead end that was hard to get out of but I was laid off after 4 years. Fortunately I'd met my husband in there so I started 10 years of part-time and self employment and learned an enormous amount about myself and what I wanted. Accidentally happened into my dream job that was literally "made" for me; had to teach accounting, do accounting, figure out and trouble shoot new accounting software and met some of the best friends I've ever had in my life.

All I know now is that nothing happened as I imagined it would and nothing was as horrible or frightening as it seemed it would be. I said "yes" a handful of times that changed my life and I really wish I'd said "yes" more often and earlier. I also wish I'd gotten to know myself better, sooner.

I'll be 60 this year and have an 88 year old aunt still alive and my mother's brother was 97 when he died so I figure I have 25 or so more years. I'm feeling pretty unsure myself what I'm supposed to be doing :-) and whether I will do it "well" but it is my life so I guess I'm the only one "judging" how well it's done or in charge of doing it in a way I'll enjoy? You may feel alone Emily but it is my experience that our feelings and experiences are not that unique that we can't look around us and take courage from all the other people doing "it" too while we are. Nobody knows what they're doing because one can't be in charge of the future so planning to do X, Y or Z and looking like you're in charge is just other people playing at feeling in charge. One can try to do X, Y or Z if one wishes but there are no guarantees for anyone.

Last week I was in Minnesota and it was raining the whole time I was there (10 days) and one morning I was thinking of a Robert Louis Stevenson child's rhyme, "Rain" I love:

The rain is raining all around,
It falls on field and tree,
It rains on the umbrellas here,
And on the ships at sea.

[turquoisesea]

Hi I'm 22, and in somewhat of a similar situation, except I haven't graduated yet... and I'm in a degree I'm not wanting to pursue as a career *doh*

Jobs are scarce. It's funny, I used to play this game called Pharoah. It's a city building game. I'd let the unemployment get to 10% sometimes and unless it was higher than that I'd not get any major city-wide effects. Now, seeing that in the US unemployment is less than that (close to it though) and there are SO MANY who can't get jobs, and the chaos that happens, I'd look at the game differently...

You're not alone. I know that doesn't help your individual situation but it DOES mean that it's not "just" your fault. Don't be hard on yourself for being in this situation - do the best you can.

[Rohag]

Hi, Emily_Strange!

Originally Posted by Emily_Strange

Should I peace out to a foreign country and volunteer abroad?

Does this idea really appeal to you? I ask because putting a LOT of geography between me and my parents contributed substantially to my transition to eventual independence.

[Lisa Michelle]

Foreign country and volunteering sounds great to me, but that's possibly because *I* am interested in those things. I've spent time abroad and I have to say you get a lot out of it and meet really cool, interesting people (moreso than I ever met in my home town). I didn't learn to like myself but I did learn certain important things and it's set me on a road of discovery, I guess.
My advice is work on your confidence, and THEN go and have a life experience. The other way round doesn't work that ideally.

Or alternatively yes, get a job you would enjoy. Accounting is not for you, that's obvious from your post. If your main priority in life is 'earn as much as possible' then it might be a good option for you, but again I didn't get that sense from your post.

What are you interested in? What appeals to you most right now? If you could do any of the ideas in your head, which would it be? I think ultimately life is there to be enjoyed, and your choices should reflect that wherever and whenever possible.

[Mike_J]

I don’t think you want to have “a” role model, but a lot of them, and don’t look at famous people, try to find real people. Look at the people around you, pick and choose the best characteristics of theirs and let them be your role model for that one thing, you are an individual, and if you try to find a role model for your whole life you will only selling yourself short.

As far as a job goes, find any job, then keep looking for a better one if you don’t like that one, but get out there and get experience. When I finally got out of college I took what I thought was going to be a temporary job while I kept looking and sort of fell into a pretty good career.

There are no answers out there, just suggestions, each of us has our own path in life, you are going to have to find yours. I’m the king of insecurity but I haven’t let that stop me in life, sure it has slowed me down, but I have strengths to offset some of my weaknesses (we all do). Look inside yourself try to figure out where your strong points are, and try to leverage them to your advantage.

Your questions “Do I want to live to work or work to live? Am I analytical or am I problem solving or am I....” none of us can answer them for you, you have to answer them yourself. You are not alone in what you are going through, but being in the same situation as someone else doesn’t mean you should do what they do or did. You are a unique individual, and how you deal with things and where your life takes you, your choices those are what makes your life special.