Cat don't want to go.

Hi all, wishing the best to all of you. Can anyone relate to the following. Generally, when I'm alone in public, which is quite often because I've pretty much been a loner all my life, I function with an urgency, a constant feeling of stress because I feel I have to be non existent. I see things in tunnel vision. I am so focused on what I need to get done as quickly as possible that I treat people as if they don't exist. I'm not mean or disrespectful, I just feel as if I don't belong in their world and I'm an intruder. I feel undeserving of what life has to offer. Let me shift gears here and say I have to go to a family function on Saturday and I really don't want to go. It's not that I dis-like my kin, well, maybe a couple of them, I just never felt I fit in with them, or anyone else. Thanks for reading.

Ahhh, the fantastic art of lonerism has its side effects and drawbacks as well. I can definitely relate to your situation probably because I've always been a loner myself. Even when I was in elementary school I remember willfully distancing myself from my peers, not because I disliked them, not because they disliked me, but simply because I enjoyed being off my own thoughts rather then engage in the general notion interaction. But as Nietzsche has said (paraphrased), a man who stands alone is either a god or a beast. I know that truly I was not either, and so the effects of isolation in combination with society's insistence that loners are dangerous and weird individuals have inevitably made me think of myself as somewhat of an extraterrestrial among men.

As for your situation, perhaps if you really don't want to go you could just say you're feeling sick or something like that. Or maybe show up very briefly to greet everyone, but then announce your hectic schedule and leave right after.

Take care,
~Monsieur

If I were you, I would edge out of your comfort zone and go - you might even get offered a place to stay, since you don't have a place at the moment. You do deserve what life has to offer - you're just as good as anyone else.

I have been there. I am still a loner but I do make a point of smiling when I go out. I do say hi to people on the street. Not a conversation, just a passing "hello" or a nod of the head so they know I see them.

Even that little bit has changed how people interact with me.

You do deserve to be here and take up your own corner of the universe. But I know that feeling of not feeling good enough to even breath air. It does take practice, but you do deserve to be here and be heard.

I have mastered the eclectic art of lonerism, and I hear you Monsieur. I am neither a beast nor God, what I am is what I am, a loner who enjoys solitude. It gives me a sense of control when my depression is unwilling to relent.

Hello mrhomercat,

I don't know if this is just lonerisnm. There could be some agoraphobia there too, then again that could me be just thinking there is agoraphobia because I have agoraphobia.

If I have to go out I try to put on as normal a face as possible but it is so difficult to do. I really want to just get done what needs doing so that I can go home & get into my little cabin. I even had myself convinced at one point that I was in my own world and no one could actually see me, that made it much more comfortable for me to be there.

I can understand you not wanting to go to the family do either; family members just do not understand people who are loners. But only you can decide if you can go; there is no one who can decide that for you.

I really hope that you are comfortable with your decision and that it is an easy one for you to make,

Rhiannon

Bingo!, you nailed it Rhiannon. I relate verbatim to what you wrote and your circumstances. I couldn't have said it better. I ended up going and it wasn't so bad. My anxiety and agoraphobia were mild with a few spikes here and there, but all in all, I survived. Best wishes for good health!

One of the few things I know from experience is that not doing things makes my world smaller. I got my world so small that it was all inside my head and not a great place to be. It took me 25-30 years to get out.

I would ignore the feelings of wanting/not wanting to go and just go, just experiment with being there and seeing if you can connect with one person or enjoy yourself (not think about yourself?) for 5 minutes (I suggest playing the badminton or softball :-) arrive early or late (as you prefer; I like early before there are so many people so I can get the lay of the land) and leave after X period of time, your choice (or wait until you really "feel" like leaving; I've been surprised to be enjoying myself and stay longer than I planned).