[Butterflyangel]

Why is it when you seem to get into a numb feeling and you seem to to be just living day to day without going into a deeper funk, that a family member has to go in and reopen though wounds to drag you back down? Recencently my father did just that. Why can't they just leave it alone. I was doing okay until this last Friday when my father decided he was going to try and fix my problem. He got all my family members together and had to hash out what was going on. My problems can not be fixed by him. He can't just talk to who ever he wants and like that it get fixed.. Why can't he just understand that I only need his love and an ear for listening. It is no wonder that all my life I have tried to fix things and felt like a failure when I could not fix things. I realize now that not everything can be fixed just by money or interference, just by having a heart and and ear is a big help for those who need it.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Butterflyangel

Why is it when you seem to get into a numb feeling and you seem to to be just living day to day without going into a deeper funk, that a family member has to go in and reopen though wounds to drag you back down? Recencently my father did just that. Why can't they just leave it alone. I was doing okay until this last Friday when my father decided he was going to try and fix my problem. He got all my family members together and had to hash out what was going on. My problems can not be fixed by him. He can't just talk to who ever he wants and like that it get fixed.. Why can't he just understand that I only need his love and an ear for listening. It is no wonder that all my life I have tried to fix things and felt like a failure when I could not fix things. I realize now that not everything can be fixed just by money or interference, just by having a heart and and ear is a big help for those who need it.

Hi Butterflyangel,

I'm so sorry to hear what happened with your dad. It sounds like he was trying to help in his own way, but just doesn't understand.
I can really relate to this. My dad has had all sorts of ideas about what I should do: exercise more, watch funny movies etc. (eye roll).
I finally just kept emphasizing that therapy is a real help for me.
My dad has said a lot worse things as well. But he just doesn't get it. It is why I am trying to keep my distance from him right now. It's hard. I know just what you mean about needing only an ear for listening. Now he keeps asking me how I'm doing on the phone and I want to tell him but I'm afraid he'll put me down as usual. So I just don't tell him and say I'm doing "ok" and leave it at that.
Do you have someone else to open up with like a therapist or therapy group?
Sending warm thoughts your way...

E

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((Butterflyangel))))

That is an embarrassing thing to be put through. Would gather if you wanted people to know you would tell them. Would be good too if your dad understood that everyone knowing is not the quick fix he thought it would be.

I really hope you are able to get over this and are able to talk to your dad and get him to realise that he is interfering not helping...though I think his heart is in the right place and he being the patriarch thinks it's his job to try and fix things...most dads are like that...

Rhiannon

[Butterflyangel]

Thank you for your help. I know he has a good heart and is trying to help. I just have to find away to get him to wait until I ask for his help.