Trouble getting started

Hi all,

I'm 34, I've suffered with depression and eating disorders most of my life and at the moment I'm in a bit of a bad way.

I know what I need to do to change things, and I'm doing some of them - I'm getting down the gym regularly, I'm trying to avoid skipping meals, I'm trying to get a regular sleep pattern. I'm trying to stop negative thoughts before they start and I'm trying to take things step by step. I'm also learning the violin (which is going well) and trying to spend more time with friends.

The problem is that I look at the things I need to do to change and I just think 'why bother?'. I'd really like to be in a better position in my life but I just can't seem to get the energy together to make a real change. This is quite frustrating for me - I want to change and am unhappy with my life but I can't get started to make the changes that need to happen. There are lots of opportunities for me but I just can't seem to get the energy together to take them. I don't seem to have a reason to make the change. I don't have a family (no partner or kids).

Thx for reading x

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. But when I read all the things your ARE doing for yourself, I was really impressed. Sounds like you might be a little hard on yourself and wanting some big grand gesture kind of change in your life. Your are doing a lot of good things, enjoy each of them "in the moment." I think "big" changes often come from engaging in the process of little changes and the big change evolves mysteriously.

Hello & Welcome, Onthemove!

There's the nail. There's the hammer. There are the arm and hand. But, what's wrong? In my mind I can see my hand grasping the hammer and beginning to build, but my brain doesn't seem to want to respond to the vision. My brain just won't send the right signal or combination of signals to my hand and arm to start the process. What's going on?

I don't really know what's going on, but "depression" is the usual label for the whole mess.

Maybe you would do best to try to change only one thing at a time. Or, maybe you need to go for a radical transformation of everything all at once. Different approaches help different people. It seems you're already on the road -- that's a great accomplishment. We'll listen and support you as we can.

Thx, I had a good day today. Visited some friends in the morning and had a good laugh. I did the food shopping after and then did some guitar practise and some work in the evening. I managed to eat 2 good meals and not feel exhausted.

I'm hoping to play at an open mic night on the 2nd of Sept so that has given me a reason to getting some playing and singing practise done again. I just need some support to keep going with it as I find it very easy to just give in. My cat has also been in a cuddly mood, which is nice!

Hello onthemove,

Things seem to be looking up for you, I'm really pleased for you,

Rhiannon

thank u. My day today wasn't as good but OK. I have moments when I am totally exhausted and I can hardly even move. I sometimes end up laying on the floor and just staying there for a few minutes until I can summon the effort to get myself up! I had one of those moments today.

I didn't really eat properly today (just little bites) but I went to the shop and had a chat to the assistant without feeling really awkward, which is a positive step. Things felt more natural today than they have for a while, which is nice. Often I have to plan conversations and behaviours in my head first but I didn't have to do that today.

But, I have (once again) bitten my nails down until they bleed

Thank you for reading. Just writing down my thoughts/what happened is really helping me and having a reply really spurs me on, so thank you all x

Thanks for writing this post. It helps to know others feel the same way.

BECAUSE you do not have a partner or kids right now is why it is the perfect reason for you to bother.

If you had those responsibilities you would not be able to focus on yourself at all and everything and everyone in your life would be a mess.

So do the work BEFORE you get those people in your life so you can truly enjoy them.