Not good

I'm not sure this is the right place to put this after reading other posts. My wife was diagnosed with MS a few months ago after years of strange numbness events that came and went. She's been fine but four weeks ago we were not going through a good time together and she became extremely tired and one leg is reacting strangely.

I have a problem holding back feelings of despare and futility because of her uncertain future. Every phone call or SMS from her takes on huge importance and depending of content, seriously affects my work and thoughts, given that i can't do anything and the future is uncertain.

We have been married two years and i can't and don't want to imagine the future. I don't want to read internet stuff any more because it just makes me more miserable and don't want to approach a support group for the same reason.

I think that the bad patch in our relationship (focussed around my stepson) triggered this.

It is good that you came to express your thoughts, no matter where you do it.

I think sometimes when someone we love is diagnosed with a major illness or condition, we don't realize that in a sense we also get a diagnosis, and just as it takes them time to adjust to it, it also takes us time. We all process things in our own way and in our own time, and if you aren't ready to read or join a support group its alright. The important thing is that you talk to someone about your feelings, and you have come to the right place for that, because we are all trying to help and get help.

Quite often people who are dealing with their own illness, or the illness of a loved one go through the same stages that one does in dealing with a death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Again, we go through these in varying degrees and speeds. Just understanding that you are not alone, and that whatever you are feeling is okay, and allowing yourself to feel it, sometimes helps.

Hello silentmirth,

I'm really sorry that you and your wife are going through such a hard time. This isn't her fault nor is it your fault, and your stepson (I don't know his age ), could be acting out because mummy is different and unwell (I say that not knowing what the behaviour was or how bad it was).

You need counselling in order to put things into perspective. MS can and does go into remission. Your wife does need you to support her but she also needs to know how you are feeling how you are affected, without throwing her into a panic and thinking that you are going to leave her because she is sick.

There are support forums here for MS and there is a forum for carers too, I suggest you go there and ask for help and understanding,

take care and let us know how you go,

Rhiannon