[soonforgotten]

I hate myself I hate my life can I be any clearer than this!!! nothing is going right, just found out that where I used to work the supervisor and other worker hated me and I did them nothing...why me?I try my best to be a good friend but no one stays...I agree that i made a few wrong turns in my life but why must i still be paying?my father hates me actually from since I knew him as a child he never liked me, my mother i recently found out couldn't care less about me 'cause if she did she wouldv'e gotten rid of my father when he tried to chop me up with a cutlass last year just because a bottle of cream fell on the floor but all through my growing up he has beaten me up for nothing and my mother always lied to back him up when the police were called, she's keeping him because when he retires next year she can get some of his pension money, cute isn't it?I have no friends, i have no one to turn to.I stay in the house almost 24/7, i pull out my hair and eyelashes, I wish I could give away my daughter everyday I wish I had an abortion when I had the chance. what is wrong with me?

[Psyclox]

U shouldn't say things like that, you want to be like your parents? Look life is %#@&#! I know that and you know that, but we have to get through it sum how and if that means posting here then by all means do it we are all here for you, ok so your parents hate you and maybe your old colleagues but that doesn't mean we all hate you ok so just take a deep breath and calm down ok, we are here for you if you need us, you can PM me if you really need to talk. ((((((((SoonForgotten)))))))).

[Dervish]

May I suggest in "furthering your studies"
then in TV archives ,"Landmine of Discouragement"
also in the daily radio archives
at intouch.org

[wisewoman]

Hi soonto, I hope you are feeling better. When does school start? Good luck with the job finding.

[irish_angel]

***********HUGS**********

I know the feeling of utter dispare sometimes.

Only you can make your life the way YOU want to.

Please Take Care and Remember You are not alone..someone out there needs someone just like you.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I wish I could give away my daughter everyday I wish I had an abortion when I had the chance. what is wrong with me?

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Assuming you are living in part of the US.....If you are not psychiatrically stable enough to keep your daughter healthy and safe, you can call Child Protective Services or the police.

Is your daughter safe with you feeling this badly?

I hope my question is not offensive. I just want to ensure that you and she are OK. Sometimes having kids can be very stressful when we are feeling unwell.

Take care. emmy

[Hope4me2]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[soonforgotten}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((((((Soon)))))))))))))))))))

You have not said anything here that some of us havent thought from time to time. When we are down, we tend to grasp at things and say things we might not otherwise say.

You obviously have much love for your daughter because if you didnt, you would have had that abortion.

I know how you are feeling about your father. I went through the same as you. It is not easy facing the feelings and even more difficult dealing with them in a healthy manner. It take time, effort and some very good therapy. I am still dealing with it. I am thinking I will be for a long time to come.

I must commend you on your openess and honesty here with us. It is good to be able to speak what is on our minds. Keep that up. The last thing you want to do is bottle it up inside.

May I suggest that you start journaling. It helps alot of people. For me, I also chose to write letters to my abusers but I never sent them. This helps me say all the things I want and need to say to get out my anger and sadness. I find that I have written several letters whenever I feel the need to do so.

Your not alone. We are here for you. Please keep posting and you are always welcome to PM me if needed. hang in there.



Hugs,


Jen

[dottie]

Hi.

Only you can break the chains of abuse and degradation. It HAS to stop soon. It can stop with you. Love your daughter. She is pure innocence....remember.

Think very carefully here. If you cannot give her the love that she deserves..than please do get in touch with Childrens' Protective Services. They will work to find a loving environment for your child.

I wish you the best of luck.

~Dottie

i agree with Dottie about your daughter. being as severely depressed and angry as you are feeling now is what got me into therapy in the first place. that and realizing that i had the capability of really harming my son. thank God for dear friends at the time who were willing to take him when ever i was feeling i couldn't care for him. i wish i could take your daughter for you until you felt more in control.
w_i

[irish_angel]

Thow yourself into caring for your daughter, watch her grow and feed off that, I do my son watching him grow is the best thing in the world and his smile can be the best medicine somedays, Take Care