[horsecab]

I don't know where to begin with this ramble. I am so fed up with everything. I lost an important online emotional relationship in the last few months which meant a lot to me because I take so few risks with any relationships online or real life. The way this one turned out with the person not caring about my needs or feelings and only using me while treating me like crap if I wanted something my way and with no compassion to my situation, only makes me want to crawl back into my hole and live out the rest of my days alone. I'm getting older and running out of time, and the love I so long for just seems to cruely elude me to where I don't really care anymore.
And then there were people who were helping me here with support from that break up I desperately needed who have just disappeared on me. For months now!!! They won't even answer messages I send to them simply asking how they are! I don't know what it is in me that keeps attracting people to me who say they care but then prove they don't.
Then there is my med situation. I use to drink a lot to help me sleep cause I am such an insomiac with ocd thoughts at night. I stopped that, but now use meds to help me sleep that my doctor says I can't keep doing cause they might harm my kidneys. And on top of that I can't afford insurance to help me keep tabs on my health. I am tempted to just get off all the meds and go back to drinking so I can numb the pain of not being able to connect in any kind of relationships. My attitude about people is so poor right now, and getting worse everyday, that I'd just as soon go live as a hermit in the mountains as far away from people as I could get. Thanks for reading my rant. Needless to say, I have nothing to look forward to except getting older and more alone.

[WikidPissah]

so sorry horsecab. What your going thru is really hard and really painful. Please be safe, and keep in mind that drinking can make things even worse....really fast.

[lynn P.]

((horsecab)) - so sorry you're hurting. Don't be tempted to go back to the drinking.

[pegasus]

((((((( horsecab ))))))))

Online relationships can be so difficult, I do understand. I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely right now, please know we do care.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( horsecab ))))))))))))

[Naturefreak]

Horsecab ........ seems really hard to trust anyone , doesn't it .
But I believe that there are some true caring people in real life . I just haven't run into any yet . Good thing we have PC bud , all I can say.

[horsecab]

Originally Posted by Naturefreak

Horsecab ........ seems really hard to trust anyone , doesn't it .
But I believe that there are some true caring people in real life . I just haven't run into any yet . Good thing we have PC bud , all I can say.

Thanks for your kind words Nature, but sometimes I think it's harder to trust people here at PC when they say they care. I've known too many who will be there to help support and then suddenly ignore or avoid me or disappear, leaving me to ask myself wtf did I do?!? What is wrong with me??? Makes me wonder if I shouldn't just leave PC myself.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( horsey ))))))))))))))