[ExiExi]

Spent more than 4 hours trying to say something.. actually I was just looking at the screen. But I have nothing else to do.. so let me try.

I can't sleep, can't eat.. can't talk because when I do - I can't neither breathe or think. Oh and I've lost my last friend back in October (or was it November) just trying to "talk to someone" again. Never heard from him since. But it doesn't matter cuz I'm too embarrassed to call any number anyway.

Wanted to end it two months ago, as a present for my 30th birthday. But after "last" day at work on the way home I changed my mind! A taxi driver said he liked the song that was on the radio. The song was about - _Don't throw your life away, the time will come, I will take it from you_ stuff.

These weird things happen to me sometimes, you could say I was almost waiting for one that day. Unfortunately, not only it was the song that made me stop, but mostly my parents. I'm still the only one with the job in this family and that is what keeps me here. The situation is a bit ironic cuz family members are the reason I am an idiot.

Unable to feel the positive side of existence, I get all the crap.

Awww, Life is great.. I'm totally sure.

[Elana05]

Hi ExiExi,

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so down right now. You deserve to feel better. Are you taking meds right now, or seeing a therapist?

E

[Rohag]

Hello, ExiExi -- good to see you

Originally Posted by ExiExi

...not only it was the song that made me stop, but mostly my parents. I'm still the only one with the job in this family and that is what keeps me here. The situation is a bit ironic cuz family members are the reason I am an idiot.

I could easily be reading things into this situation, but if you are trapped supporting the very people who...damaged you, I can see how that would leave you "unable to feel the positive side of existence."

ExiExi, how much control do you have over how your earnings are spent?

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( ExiExi )))))))))))))))

[Naturefreak]

Exi Exi ...... I remember you my friend. Hope things improve for you . Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it . There has to be.

[lorna]

ExiExi, I feel for your sadness and that a stranger, be it a cab driver made you rethink your life direction. Your family, biological shouldn't be putting such a burden on you. You should be focusing on you own needs and happiness and others will wanta join in. I hope things change for you.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((ExiExi))))

Understand well the pain of being driven to inasnity by the people you are trying to help, but their delight in driving us there seems sour

[ExiExi]

Originally Posted by Elana05

Hi ExiExi,

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so down right now. You deserve to feel better. Are you taking meds right now, or seeing a therapist?

E

Thanks, Elana
Not seeing therapist. I did long time ago and it turned into personal disaster.
So no drug prescription either.

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, ExiExi -- good to see you

ExiExi, how much control do you have over how your earnings are spent?

nice to see you too, Rohag. Thank you

I keep some money for myself. Enough to pay for public transport, to buy small things like cigarettes etc. Wouldn't know what to do with the rest anyway, so I just give it to the family. They spend it as they please

Originally Posted by Naturefreak

Exi Exi ...... I remember you my friend. Hope things improve for you . Sometimes it seems like there is no end to it . There has to be.

maybe you're right.
Thanks a lot for your kind words, Naturefreak

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by ExiExi

Not seeing therapist. I did long time ago and it turned into personal disaster.
So no drug prescription either.

I hope you will try again. Oh yes, there are some rotten therapists out there. But there are also really good ones that are trained well and can really help.