[Naturefreak]

Can somebody please tell me how to TRUST ???

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( nature ))))))))))))

Good question...

[splitz]

If you find out, let me know? I'm really struggling with this at the moment too.
Splitz

[lonegael]

((((((((((NF))))))))) Sometimes, you just have to decide that you will. It's a very hard decision and there is no garantee attached, other than with time, it can be a habit. Sorry I can't come with more, dear. HUGGGGSSSS!

[Gently1]

This how I learned to trust, how will you? That is the question but it can be done!

This story of Kelva the Foster Cat.
Summer of 2008-Kelva and her crew arrived at my home over a few days as they had to trap them. At first I was told there was to be a mother and 2 kittens, as the kind women that was feeding them under her deck, was to adopt 2 of her kittens. As it turned out she discovered allergies, so I ended up with 4 kittens and one very sick mother cat. The foundation names the mothers and I named the kittens. Already a handful at 8-10 weeks old.
Kelva almost did not survive but a few vet trips and antibiotics with good food she recovered.

I am greatful for the long lasting shot of antibiotics as she would not take any attention in the way of a pill or liquid antibiotics.

At one point I was medicating the kittens Baby Face, Diamond Jim, Don Cherry and Coco Chanel. Coco let out a distress call, and I looked up to see Kelva two feet away looking at me with the look that I translated into: "Which eye so you want to keep?"

For many weeks I had to keep a kitten between her and myself when I was in the foster room.
Roll forward to the summer of 2009, my family doctor was treating my depression. I showed up one day with some reference material, and not that my Doc is not open to discussion, but she saw in me my lack of trust and told me so.

I went home after that appoinment and was floored, could only lay on the floor with my legs up, blanket and box of kleenx as I could not see myself trusting enough to let my doctor treat me. Not possible. I was lost and felt I would not survive the depression or the day. Finally crawled into bed and slept.

I woke up the next morning with a weight on my chest that was purring and it did not sound like my own cats.
Slowly I opened one eye. It was Kelva! Opened both eyes and she did not move. Slowly brought one hand out from under the covers and she did not move! Tried petting her back, she stayed! I started crying quietly, as I realized:
- If an animal can learn to trust so should a human animal-myself!
I was in awe of this awareness and the hope I received from Kelva the foster cat that morning.

In order not to spoil the moment I waited until she wanted to leave, until that day she sleep at the foot end of the bed. I had to ignore my bladder if I moved it could be perceived as a threat and risk reducing her trust.

When all was said and done, it was a turning point for me and her.
Everthing we need to know is inside us, we just need to experience life to bring it to the surface.
All the best to everyone with trust issues.

[WikidPissah]

trust....scary word ain't it. I don't trust...so I'm not the one to say, but I've heard it related to a chair. When you sit down at the kitchen table, you don't think about it...you just sit. You trust the chair to hold your butt. However, if your whole life every chair you sat on broke beneath you...well you'd at the very least jiggle the kitchen chair before sitting on it. It would take many, many, many mornings of jiggling that chair...maybe years of mornings...but if you get that one chair, that never gives out you'll eventually stop jiggling the chair.

(mind you ... I'm totally still jiggling)

Terribly darling eileen.......And nature freak.....trust is like love...very risky...an ongoing issue of weighing the cost....should be give and take..... remember that all relationships ..(in any context) are not without issue due to the fact that we are human and imperfect from the start.It would help if you created perameters ...where you 'draw the line'.Dr.Phil calls these 'deal breakers'.Mine are....people who enjoy being mean..... chronic deceit...people who only consider themselves.....we must have guidelines.Look back on your experiences & decide what things occurred ...that in retrospect... you'd never tolerate again...and set boundaries.But remember that as humans ...you will never find a perfect person,only those you can negotiate with,and take a risk.(one cue is to observe how they are with others.Past behavior predicts future behavior often time.)~Woolf

[kebsfroggy]

This frog of llittle brain can only think of a family story about trust. It involves a relative, an aligator and a stream. It doesn't have a happy ending for my relative so I will not repeat it here.

Trusting things is much easier than trusting people. Trusting in others is difficult and often ends in failure. I found this quote that may explain it much better than I can.

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough." ~Frank Crane

There just is no quick, easy answer so this frog of little brain is of no help at all.


kebs

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by kebsfroggy

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough." ~Frank Crane

Very good quote Kebs Thanks for sharing.

[thine_self_untrue]

I don't think you should trust just anyone, but allow yourself to trust the people your heart tells you that you should. That's a essential part of love, friendship and relationship.

If you are deciding about wheter or not to trust an individual person, look at their "track record" in your life. Have they ever given you a reason not to trust them? If so, what was it and why? Did you confront them about it? How did they handle your concern? Are they trustworthy in general? I have done this with several people I was "waffling" about trusting and most often, I found they had never given me a reason not to trust them and they deserved a chance to earn my trust.

Tell yourself "I trust _____". Reminding yourself why you do, why you can and why it's important. Tell them "I trust you." Let them know that you are counting on them not to break your trust.

Finally, be trustworthy yourself. That's the best way to trust and be trusted.

Like it or not, we all subconsciously have to trust. I trust the chair I am sitting in not to break. I trust that the food I am buying isn't poisened. I trust that the sky isn't going to fall when I step outside. Those may seem like silly examples, and they are. But the point is, we can't survive without trusting somethings and someones. The important thing is to find good people to rely on so you can support each other and make trusting a little easier.

[lonegael]

Maybe the root of the problem is, can you trust yourself?

I find that when I am depressed I doubt mainly myself and my own mtives. When I am like this that distrust seems to spill over on everyone else. I began to see them as my depression teaches me to se myself. Not good. Add to that the simple fact that I have been hurt by people, many times, and when i am down, I am a pill to live with.

I had to learn not just to trust, but who to trust in what area. I could trust one person I know with my life or the life of my kids. He would NEVER allow harm to come to someone whom he has accepted responsibility for. But trust him to be there if I need to talk when I need to break when my kid has been too much? NO WAY! Certain people I can trust to hold secrets, others to come no matter what if there is an emergency (sometimes they might be the same person!) I can trust my hubby not to cheat and to fight to the end to keep me and the boys safe, fed, and warm, but I know he can say some mean things sometimes, and I can't trust him to always have a handle on his own anxiety.

trust is tightly bound with accepting that others are human and have their own troubles. It's not a all or nothing thing for me anymore, and I have been happier since I have sorted out the concept of what it means for me to trust. I accept the fact that my love and hubby has his limitations. I know he can be trusted with nearly everything, but I accept that in certain matters his demons take over, and I have safeguarded myself. Having done that, I can allow myself to love him and trust him as much as a person can be trusted. I also have to accept the fact that I mess up things for myself, too, often without meaning to. That doens't mean that I should distrust myself, bt I know when to be extra careful with myself.
Huggs, NF, and soory if this was longwinded.