Smile! Oh isn't that a thing to say...

Naturefreak, when my heart feels deeply sad, I cant smile either. And I dont. Even now when I smile, I have sunglasses on so no one can see my eyes.

First, I hope that friend was not saying this to you in a criticizing
way. Second, its amusing to me that i read this now. I was out in public today musing over this thread. My default is often a slight smile when in public. But it was not always that way. Years ago, I went into a store and the clerk told me that I look so sad. I was not feeling sad. I remembered what a friend of mine said many years before. He had read that as people age, what they have felt for years tends to show more on their face (I think its because of the muscles ). In the moment that the clerk said that to me, I made a decision to exercize the smile muscles in my face. Has it helped? Perhaps not. But people smile (back) at me. And that does feel good. Believe me when I say its not a big smile that I do. But I kinda like doing it. I dont really think its anyones business how I am feeling anyway. Let em think I am okay. Do I get angry? Oh well last night I was not smiling at the pharmacy. Quite the opposite. I do not hide distain or anger with a smile I think this thread is a great discussion, btw. Thank you for starting it starlite.

And let's not forget popular culture. Oh, the songs people sing to us sometimes when we don't feel like smiling:

"Let your smile be an umbrella from the rain."
"Put on a happy face."
"Cheer up, Charlie."
"Pack all your troubles in an old kit bag and smile, smile, smile."
"Let the sun shine in, take it with a grin."

The following line to that last one is, "Smilers never lose, and frowners never win." Whatever happened to "never say never"?

And what's wrong with honesty, that American culture wants to hide behind a smiley mask?

Take that frown off you face while reading that it instantly brought back memories of when I was a child and I knew my mother was in a temper and was looking for any excuse to lash out at me. She would watch me intently and find the slightest excuse to verbally abuse me and I used to try my best to keep my face as blank as possible even staying still pretending that I was not in the room with her as I knew she was looking for an excuse to lash out at me. In our house it was "Take that look off your face before I wipe it off for you " But for the life of me I didn't know what look she was speaking about and then I realised that it didnt matter what my facial expression was she was out to beat me and beat me she would. At least when she beat me I knew it was over for a while where as if she didnt I spent the whole time worried about when she would use that look to give me the beating she already planned for me.

Ah, my problem isn't with smiling. I'd rather laugh than cry, given the choice, that's my culture and my personality, but there's a limit. Like the rest of us, if I really do not feel like laughing, I do not appreciate being told to "smile", especially because some guy feels threatened that my first concern isn't over putting a strain on his eyes. secon, I resent other women assuming that my first concern in this world should always be grimacing like an empty faced babboon when my heart is elasewhere. My mother is always first to snap "Thats no what I'm asking you to do!"
My response is "when I don't really have joy in that smile, lady, than that is exactly what I'm doing." I am not on this planet to be window dressing for someones else's illusion of how the world should be. If that's what they want, then they should go work at disney land.

Yep, that's right up there with "snap out of it".....

((((safe hugs for Lilleth))))

I don't like being told what to do period let alone be told to smile. That aside I do turn my frown upside down when around people. Not a toothy grin but a little upturn that feels like it brightens up my eyes. I don't go out much but when I do I turn up the frown and am pleasant with people. Like sunset, I appreciate the smiles back. They don't need to know how I am feeling inside. The exchange provides a moment of relief.

I also use smiling as therapy. If I turn the frown upside down I do feel better. Maybe it is just me but smiling even when I am fighting tears is a coping mechanism for me.

I think the reason some people do it is that they somehow think they're really making you happier. They say "smile" and if you do they must have somehow fixed your problems. (??) Part of me is thinking "this person must be sort of delusional." But maybe it's kind of a power play. I mean any time a complete stranger is like, "do this thing for me..." it's just weird. I always wanna be like, "no, you smile dude."

Anyway... Rohag has a good point. You don't have to smile in Russia. I kind of like that. Some people (Americans) say everyone looks depressed. I think it's freeing. You don't have to put on an act. You can be honest about how you feel and don't have to fake it.

I am Canadian and we say sorry a lot. Someone bumps into us and we both say sorry. Saying sorry with a friendly smile is more believable I guess. Walk down the street in my town and everyone says hello with a smile so anything else would stand out and I prefer to blend.

I wish I could force one rite now - just for me, not happening

((((( starlite ))))))

Non-depressed people are very unsympathetic I find.

Anyone care to contradict me on this?

You have a point there Sophia, apart from those people who have had it in the past or have taken the time to learn about it. My old T used to say that a lot of people don't know the difference between being temporarily "down in the dumps," being a little sad because something happened, and being depressed. Maybe that's part of the reason it's so annoying when someone says "smile!" They don't know what a loaded request it is. Still, even if I was just having a bad day it doesn't make sense. Kind of like someone telling me my feelings aren't good enough.
However, one thing I never thought of is maybe that person is being triggered into a place where it is intolerable to see someone else having a bad day. Always complicated - lol.

^^Hence the reason I find it annoying to be asked, "What are you depressed about?" I have similar feelings when people name off all the blessings in my life, and end by saying I shouldn't be depressed. That's like telling someone they shouldn't be epileptic, diabetic, or even schizophrenic. Hello, it's an illness! It can flare up for no reason at all. It doesn't have to be "about" anything, and it is not a matter of being unaware of, or ungrateful for, good things in my life.