wish i could change

First day of classes tomorrow. Because of the way my travel schedule worked out, I missed registration, so now I get to play phone and email-tag with my advisor of studies to get this all worked out. Great start to the year.

I told myself all summer that when I came back, things would be different. That I'd try harder, that I'd take things in stride, that I'd try to reach out more to the people around me and that I'd try to have some fun. I don't want to fall back into my old habits. I don't want to isolate myself anymore but I'm doing it already. I can feel myself shutting down even though I promised myself I'd fight it. The trouble is, I have no idea how.

This is my final year of university. After this, it's all done. I want it to be a year I can remember, not a year I spend counting down to my freedom. I just have no clue where to start.

hi justfloating, just try to set small goals for yourself-like introducing yourself to someone, etc. when u find yourself isolating set a goal to step outside for a few. like baby steps to break your patterns that cause you to withdraw. i've had to learn at times to do this and the key is be gentle to yourself but be determined to do the baby steps. set goals you can reach. this will help to ward off the unknown fears and regain confidence in yourself.

Hi, justfloating! I'm new here but I've traveled overseas numerous times and know the toll traveling can take on you. Don't underestimate it. You just got through a grueling travel schedule. Get some rest and *then* think about how you want to change.

Take care of yourself.

Hey there.

It's so much easier to say something than to do it. I think in this case that's true for two reasons:
1. You have to break habits that have been formed for over 20 years
2. You don't have an exact plan of HOW to get your overall goal accomplished.

My advice is to break your goal into smaller chunks, and to make up some ideas of how you'll meet these smaller goals. Post the goals on PC, or talk them over with your therapist.

What are your habits?
One you mentioned was isolating yourself. What do you do that isolates? Let's say you tend to stick to your room a lot, schedule an hour at the coffee shop you like or another public place to study/whatever you want to do.
Do you eat lunch/other meals alone? Would you be ok eating with other people? If so, make yourself find someone either at the cafeteria area or by talking to someone and agreeing to meet up, and plan to do this about half of the week.

How can you try harder? I know last year you had trouble getting to class, is there any way before certain classes you could meet up with a classmate? Or, you could plan to be in the same area (as close as possible) to where you need to be early. For me, I know if I was in bed and not getting to class, if I was going to show up late I wouldn't at all for many reasons - I don't know if that's true with you. If it is, best to give you some cushion time you can use for study, or reading for fun.

Remember that old habits die hard. Just because you're having trouble fighting them doesn't mean you're not doing a good job of it. So keep your goals small and POSSIBLE. don't say "I'm going to become a social butterfly!" - you're not (and there's nothing wrong with that)! Make simple plans you feel you can follow, and as these small things become more comfortable expand them into larger plans =)


When you say you want a year to remember, not just counting down to your freedom, I had a thought. What do you do for FUN at uni? this year, I'm trying to fit in horseback riding (a club at school) into my schedule. I normally would say I have too little time for it. However, I'm trying to pick something that will be FUN and social that I can do once a week, even though it's extra time and money. Is there a hobby you like, especially one that has a club at your school? You could try joining the club and attending weekly meetings. Pick an activity you can do at LEAST every other week that will be something to look forward to. Schedule time off no matter how busy you are.

Please keep us posted
Take care, and good luck

Hi Rebecca,

Please be gentle with yourself. Things just started! It is OK to have the gray area. You can be putting new actions slowly into place while still feeling run-down, aggravated, disgruntled etc. These things take time.
I have this postcard hanging above me on my corkboard. It is an old WWII war-effort image in b&w of a woman working on an airplane, and the caption reads "I'm Working On It." This is all you can do. Keep taking care of yourself. Get some rest whenever you need to. Push yourself a little bit whenever you can, even if you are feeling less than up to it. If you see a group you might like, try to get there and meet a few new people. If you don't see one you like you could always post something... Like a group for watching old movies, or for knitting, or beading... or poetry, creative writing. With depression it can be so difficult to push past the hurt. And sometimes you just need to rest and take care of yourself. Sometimes it is important to get to therapy. And sometimes it is important to push past the exhaustion and get out to chat with another person. In doing so, I bet you'll find others who are feeling much the same way you are.

Many good thoughts your way.

Elana

Hi Rebecca! I just want to say that I can relate!! I often feel the same way: I want so much to change and not to slip back into old patterns, but then I feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start and before I know it, I'm slipping right back into the very patterns I have told myself I will change.......

You've already received some excellent responses here and I do agree with the others that setting ourselves small goals is the way to go. Also, we need to remember that change IS hard and so we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we don't get there right away. The important thing is to keep taking those baby steps, even if some of the steps end up going backwards. Just don't give up and keep trying and be kind to yourself as you make these efforts!!

Wishing you all the very best!

Thanks for your support, all. I'm going to try to split things up into smaller goals. Right now I'm going to try to focus on getting all my registration stuff done, since I'm having a hard time getting ahold of the right people to do this with. Even smaller than that, I've been exhausted for some reason all day and it took me ages to so much as get out of bed and shower, but I'm going to force myself to go get something to eat and maybe sit in a coffee shop with a book.

Sigh. Baby steps, I guess...

Sounds like a plan! Well done! Baby steps are good!!

Good idea. I can get myself to do almost anything with the prospect of a coffee shop and some reading material.

E

Hi Rebecca,
I recommend that you read the book "the Power of Now" by Eckhardt Tolle. Being a university student, i should imagine that you can grasp the philosophical ideas in this book. All we can ever really depend on is the present. The past cant be looked at in the present, because it is now past and the future has yet to happen, so there is no point in thinking of it. When you live in the present moment, there can be no fear of the future. So whatever you do, savour it, enjoy it ..For instance if you are drinking a glass of water be aware that you are lifting the glass to your mouth,. Look at the glass and see how pure the water looks. Say to yourself"what a wonderful glass of water" As you drink it, be aware of every sip you take. And be aware when you put the drink down. If the moment is not so positive, then surrender to the "suchness" of the moment. In other words every moment must be experienced , as it is Our minds sometimes play tricks on us: for instance a destructive PDoc in my past sometimes pops up for no rhyme or reason. I am aware that he is a thought in my head. So watch the watcher. Be aware of the thoughts in your head. I then say to him: Oh , not you again! and I redirect my thoughts to the present moment.
I Hope this helps you somewhat
dawnhopeful