School..

I've been skipping school since I was in 6th grade. I'm in 10th now and for as long as I've skipped I've been suffering from depression. My Dad only accepted this last week, regardless of my poor attendance. My skipping has gotten so bad that for 8th and 9th grade I stopped going all together and either had to be home schooled or put into an alternative program to keep me from failing..

As I type this, I'm skipping today as well.

I would love to be normal and to just go to school and laugh, get into clubs with my friends.. but I'm not normal, and I'm very different and I cannot relate to any kids in my area.. I've lived in this same area for almost 8 years, and I have yet to find any close friends.. so I'm sure I know what I'm talking about when I say I cannot relate. I only have one friend from third grade who goes to a different high school, though I don't really consider him much of a friend, and another friend who I met this year but she lives downtown and we don't speak as often as we used to. All of my good friends live in another country.. yeah I had to go searching in other countries to actually find people who "get" me. -sigh-

I just don't know what to do. I know if I continue to be the way I am I'll get my Dad charged, and everything will break down and get bad.. but even so I can't make myself go. I know that I need to go to school to have a good life.. but I don't really care..

I was good in homeschooling, I was good in my alternative program (it was a small class of 18 students who also had attendance issues for whichever reason. It was simple to make friends and you worked one on one with the teachers and worked at your own pace. I would have gone back but they only allowed you to stay for 1 semester) Regular high school though.. I just can't do. There's too many people, I hate presenting, I hate group work, the teachers are complicated and never really make it easy.. plus the fact that in my alternative program I finished at least a credit a month, and in high school they make you work on the same thing for like 5 months.. yeah that's not really encouraging..

But anyways, how can I over come this?? Can I? I'm in the process of getting a therapist but.. the last time we tried they never phoned us back and even so it's gonna take months.. I can't wait that long..

Hi ((LittleForgetMeNot)) - I'm sorry you're struggling with depression. Have you seen your family doctor and considered taking medication? I think it would also help if your parent speaks to your teacher and principle - they should make things like presenting and group projects easier - meaning the teacher might let you present just for the teacher and he/she might assign you to a group rather than the 'dreaded joining' of a group. Letting the teacher know might give you some relief and not feel so alone. I think you should try to go, even if you don't feel like it. I also highly recommend doing some vigorous exercise, even if you don't feel like it. Try the regular exercsie for a month and see how you feel.

I went through a bad time 2 1/2 yrs ago and I was really struggling to feel motivated. Since I have 2 children I had to get moving, even though I didn't feel like it. So I ended up literally forcing myself - I call it 'robot mode' and I get moving even though my hearts not in it. Sometimes I ended up feeling a little better but I always felt proud that I accomplished tasks despite feeling emotionally crippled. I'm hoping you can do the same so you won't end up behind. I hope you feel better.

Hi LittleForgetMeNot,

I know what you're going through because depression has caused me to miss quite a few classes as well. I wasn't depressed in high school but it hit me in my first year of university, and by the end of that year I was attending maybe one class a week. I had to get special dispensation from my department to let me continue in my program, and although I try hard to make as many classes as I can, the depression still gets the better of me sometimes and I just stay home in bed instead. Because of my absences and isolation, I haven't made very many friends here either, so I understand how lonely it must be for you. Lynn P gave you some really good advice about trying to get through. I would definitely talk to a teacher, student counselor or your principle to explain what's going on. They may even be able to offer you some assistance. The only other thing I'd suggest is that you keep in mind that high school doesn't last forever. It's a finite amount of time, and it may be tough but eventually you'll be out and you'll be able to do something else with your time. When you do dread going, try to remind yourself that this whole high school ordeal is just temporary and doesn't have to define you for the rest of your life.

thanks, today im trying not to skipp, trying to put myself into that "robot mode" and just go, it's quite hard actually, my emotions are so strong. also the fact that it's cold and rainy outside, and i have to walk a half hour up hill doesn't help with it at all. i wanna go i really do.. but sometimes the anxiety and depression will get so bad that i'll feel physically ill, or start to cry.

I've informed my teacher of it, but she doesnt' do much besides asking me if im alright if i'm in a daze or not talking. She's let me step out of class while I wasn't feeling well but other then that, there isn't anything.

I find that if it comes to my brother going to school, i'll wake up early and get dressed with him and do all that getting ready and making his lunch as if i'm 100% motivated and okay.. but then as soon as he gets on the bus i totally break and i just sit at home fighting with myself to go until it's too late. I was good in alternative school cause my Dad drove me, I had no choice, and I was good in home schooling cause my teacher came here, i had no choice.. but when it's my responsibility to take care of myself.. i just can't.

I have 15 minutes left until I have to go to school.. I hope i can convince myself it's worth it.