Hi, Im' 40+ and I have it to a certain degree, and since Christmas I stopped communicating with my older sister who lives 1,000 miles away.
I guess since I haven't seen her in 7 years I no longer "know" her and she is kind of fading out of my wanting to communicate and all that with her anymore. A twice a month 15 or 20 minute call that goes the SAME like a broken record every time is just not a "relationship" I feel like bothering with any more.
So far I have not talked to her since December, she called and left a few messages , but mostly I have been leaving the phone off or the machine off.

Finally Monday I mailed her a note after I got a card from her asking me to call sometime, basically I said in my note about the 20 min calls twice a month and tha in 10 years we will talk for about a work week and that I don't feel like I want to "do" long distance relationships any more etc.
Guess she will persist and doing so will just piss me off and create resentment. I almost want to get someone to call her to tell her to leave me alone and goodbye!

[nowheretorun]

Hey Randall,

I can relate somewhat. I've never given it a title, but I haven't talked with my dad in over 10 years. We were once very close. Losing that closeness hurt a lot. I'm not angry at him (I think), and according to my sis, he's not angry at me. So why don't we talk? I guess there's alot of reasons really, but I get sad that he's on in years and one day it will be too late. So much time has gone by though....... There a side to him I love to no end, and another side I just wish would move out of his head.
I think it started with wanting to put some time apart in our relationship for the purpose of starting over someday. Now it's so natural not to include him, I guess I've forgotten to pick a someday to call.
Here's the advice I need to follow too. Don't let it go too long. Your sis must love you, and you need to feel that connection, to have a place that leads back to where you've come from if it's not abusive. My sis and I don't always get along, but sometimes she says "When we're old and gray..." as if she feels that there may be a time when we only have each other to lean on. At least it makes me feel that way.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[Peanut61]

I've let relationships go, too, as a result of my depression; I communicate only infrequently with my brother these days, because I just can't deal with the judgmentalism and ridicule I get from him, BUT, I wouldn't want the communication to end entirely; I have given up on friends, though, in the last year; maybe not entirely, but 'for now'. I do filter these decisions thru the 'what if there isn't another chance' filter, though; I think that has to be in the thought process, because there isn't always a tomorrow to make things right. I feel for your situ. Best regards.

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT :-)</font color=blue>

[nowheretorun]

That's so, so true. I try to use the "don't go to bed angry" rule cause I'd never want the pain of leaving endings on a bad note and no way to fix it.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[Rapunzel]

I tend to give up on relationships with people in my family because I get tired of always being the one to contact them. When I left home at 19 it was not on good terms and they have sometimes said that they were doing what they thought I wanted by leaving me alone, but after all this time I call them and write to them and some of them have been writing back for a while, but even though I call them sometimes, it takes something major for them to ever call me, and my parents don't usually write back to me either. I've gone months and years without hearing from them at all. I regretted not having a relationship with them and have been working on getting it back. It's actually going fairly well now.

I don't know your sister and whether or not you have enjoyed communicating with her in the past. If you don't get anything out of it, maybe exchanging Chrismas cards once a year is all you would want to do with her, but it sounds like she cares enough about you to miss talking to you. What you do is up to you, but maybe you would want to consider what you might be able to do to make the relationship more meaningful instead of cutting it off entirely. But if all it is is a drain to you, then there is probably a reason for that too.

<font color=purple>"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."</font color=purple>

Hi Randall,

I have a brother that I have not spoken to in several years - mostly because of his judgemental ways and I can't deal with that. I consider myself an only child basically.

My parents once told me I wasn't worth the postage to write to me, so I can relate, believe me.

Try to keep the lines open, even by email if you can. I gave up on my brother and my friends, but still try with my parents.

Mary Alice

[radio_flyer]

WE were never close growing up, and not really that close as adults. But, my brother wasn't talking to my sister, and my sister wasn't talking to my other brother. I was talking to all three and somehow got everyone back to talking again.. And then they all turned on me.. ROFL.. None of them were talking to me anymore.. So, what can I say.. LOL.... I say I am an only child should anyone ask.. LOL.... Such is life.. Such is family...

Thanks folks, I was busy so didn't get back here till now.
My sister wrote, and rang the phone, but I haven't responded since my first note to her a month ago or so.
I guess time will tell what happens.

[nowheretorun]

Hey Randall, welcome back

Like dad used to say "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make em drink." I hope your note was kind and considerate and also made your wishes clear. Check in with her once in awhile though, just in case it's an emergency.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

Thanks nowhere, I notice "planningtodie" is no longer in the database here.
Not much to tell for an update, but everything is still as it was in my first post so I guess I'll continue as I have been.

[nowheretorun]

Planningtodie had a name change... look for planningtoexist...

Thanks for checking in... stay tuned

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[PlanningtoLive]

Randall, hi there. Like Nowhere said, I did a name change, trying for the more positive approach.

Glad you're back.

Mary Alice

P.S. Nowhere, ty........

Re- hi then Mary,I see the name change, does look less ominous!