[LittleForgetMeNot]

I've felt so oddly free recently that it scares me. I'm still depressed, yet aware of this freedom.. It's so hard to explain. Still being trapped at the bottom of the hole, yet suddenly being aware of a stair case leading the way out.. and it's just sitting there.. mocking me.. because it knows I'm not going to get up and climb it, I don't have the energy. It also knows that no one is going to climb down and get me. No one can just stroll down those steps, grab my hand and then drag me out.. it's against the rules.. to get down there you have to fall.

What a game depression likes to play..

[madisgram]

wow, lfmn, you have a great way of expressing yourself. i'm wondering if you're not experiencing some mood lifts even tho you are still depressed. it happened to me like that. it scared me cause i didn't know what it was. pdoc said my meds were trying to lift my mood. for me that was encouraging. so hope it is the same for you and you can go up those stairs.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Thanks for the compliment. I plan on being an author some day so expressing emotion is something I've learned to do quite well.

Maybe my mood is lifting, though I'm not on any meds. I recently lost a few friends, and a boyfriend, and through those relationships I had felt extremely suffocated and trapped despite everything. I guess because they're gone now I've had that delayed reaction.

It's like I'm starting my life new again and there is no one around me, constantly reminding me what I can and cannot do. From this point on everything is going to be different, everything is going to be new. There's no chains holding be back or weights pushing me down. It's overwhelmingly scary!!