[jilliebeanmn]

My appt with T this week we talked about my feelings of being NOT normal and how that colors my view of the world, or at least my world. It makes me feel like an outsider to the human race somehow. And I should clarify, when I am talking about how not "normal" I feel, I am referring to how I feel when I am depressed or have anxiety (the two usually go hand-in-hand.)

When I am depressed it's like somebody has slipped a pair of distorted glasses on my brain. Things I know to be true, I doubt. I question myself at every turn. I don't trust my feelings, thoughts or emotions because they all feel out of proportion.

I know I am no more special than anybody else walking around. I don't have this idea that I am somehow special because of what I have been through. I do however feel and believe that I don't cope as well as most "normal" people.

In part because of my childhood, and in part because if some significant trauma I have experienced I coped with what would be "normal" life events for everybody else by going into survival mode. I coped using the only coping methods I knew how-most of them not healthy. I learned these at a VERY early age, and they have become part of who I am. How do you change that?

So, if I am truly "normal" as my T puts it, all I need to do is replace those unhealthy ways of coping with healthy ones. Easy, right?

Hardly, and he acknowledges that. In a way, it goes back to that "Do better" phrase that we talked about several weeks ago. It's making healthier decisions. It's asking for help. It's about being mindful.

World Health Organization

Mental health is an integral and essential component of health. The WHO constitution states: "Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." An important consequence of this definition is that mental health is described as more than the absence of mental disorders or disabilities.

Mental health is a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community. In this positive sense, mental health is the foundation for individual well-being and the effective functioning of a community.

Hello, jilliebeanmn. This article talks about "normal": http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/men...2/METHOD=print

As you point out, the concept of "normal" is easier to talk about than to put into practice. One of my therapists told me presenting fewer symptoms of a mental illness will bring me closer to "normal." So, in theory, fewer symptoms means more normal.

In my view, you have captured the essence of getting better in your last sentences: "It's making healthier decisions. It's asking for help. It's about being mindful."

My suggestion is for you to print your post for your therapist to read. Then put together a treatment plan that helps you identify what are healthier decisions, when to ask for help and cements what is meant by being mindful. You should know what is expected of both you and the therapist.

I wish you well.

[lonegael]

What is normal? Hard to say. I'm the wrong person to ask. I just try to live and help others live, so that life works as it is or to change it so it does. Normal. I kind of gave up on that a long time ago. I guess it's kind of like the Holy Grail and I don't have the credentials to find it No matter. I have enough to do as it is

The problem is that "normal" and "healthy" aren't always the same. I work with kids who are being "Normal" in that they are PTSD'd out of their minds. Considering what they have been through, that is the "normal" reaction of a normal child to a horrendous experience. Are they HEALTHY? Lord no! Not at the moment! And what is healthy? Some therapists consider all shame harmful. I see some shame as part of the alarm clock that tells us we are on the way to violating our sense of self. Like anger, it has a job in protecting us, but from ourselves as opposed to from others.

Do you feel you are more in control of your life? Do you feel you are making better decisions? Are you more at peace with the person you are and feel you can live with the faults you have, or can chance those you can't live with? If the answer is yes, then you can probably say you are making a shift to the healthier. Anything that gives you more flexibility, stamina, and strength, dear, can't be too bad! Huggs

[jilliebeanmn]

Originally Posted by lonegael

What is normal? Hard to say. I'm the wrong person to ask. I just try to live and help others live, so that life works as it is or to change it so it does. Normal. I kind of gave up on that a long time ago. I guess it's kind of like the Holy Grail and I don't have the credentials to find it No matter. I have enough to do as it is

The problem is that "normal" and "healthy" aren't always the same. I work with kids who are being "Normal" in that they are PTSD'd out of their minds. Considering what they have been through, that is the "normal" reaction of a normal child to a horrendous experience. Are they HEALTHY? Lord no! Not at the moment! And what is healthy? Some therapists consider all shame harmful. I see some shame as part of the alarm clock that tells us we are on the way to violating our sense of self. Like anger, it has a job in protecting us, but from ourselves as opposed to from others.

Do you feel you are more in control of your life? Do you feel you are making better decisions? Are you more at peace with the person you are and feel you can live with the faults you have, or can chance those you can't live with? If the answer is yes, then you can probably say you are making a shift to the healthier. Anything that gives you more flexibility, stamina, and strength, dear, can't be too bad! Huggs

At the moment, I wouldn't call myself either normal or healthy, but I am trying. I know what he is really saying is-Do the best you can, and stop comparing yourself to anybody else. He says we are all "nuts" in our own way.

[clearerview]

sounds you are dealing with a whole lot, but really putting in even more effort in keeping sight of your illness and its effects on your thought patterns, as well as important practices to keep in mind in your therapy and treatment, so well done.
you appear to be very self aware. that's more than most 'normal' people can ever claim.
i guess all i can tell you is that you are on the right track. and much more so than any 'normal' joe.... you obviously have a lot of pain and hardship to dig through to get there (and by 'there' i guess i mean the goal of winning over this early learned response system that isn't working for you).
so keep it up and hang in there. you are most defiantly thinking in the right direction and you phrased it more perfectly than i ever could: '..healthy decisions, asking for help,.. being mindful.' Yes indeed! Absolutely right!!!
my best to you and your therapy,
clearerview