[kiim]

Hi, I am a girl who is 15 years old, and I hate myself, I have no talent what so ever, I am not beautiful..I hate my skin, it looks awful! and I have been cursed with facial hair, yes I know how gross, but yes, my mother says "Oh honey! I cant even see it! everyone has that much!", ya right, of course she wont tell me that I have it, I searched for some celebs who might have it and I found the sexy and fabulous Megan Fox, but come on..I dont have such a beautiful face that people wouldn't care about my peach fuzz, why am I cursed with all this hair? why me?

And second, I told a guy I like him and he treated me like crap, he dint do much but he..I wish I could explain the situation here but its too long, all you people need to know is I feel hated and rejected by him, and I cant take that.

I dont think my family loves me, they do but its not unconditional, they love their "name" more than me.

No one likes me, no one loves me, I dont know who I am and what I am, I am lost, I cant concentrate on my studies, I leave my classes and go home instead when I see my pathetic skin in the washroom mirror, I dont know why but these days I am so paranoid about my spellings, I am mixing them all up, this dint happen before, and then I have this mind game..if I rotate my head to the right I will have to rotate it to the left too or else something bad will happen, what in the blue hell is that all about?

I wish I would die and be born in Bridget Bardot's body or something, looks matter, if you're beautiful you have it better, and I am cursed with pathetic skin and unfortunately I am hirsute.. my family says "Come on..you're not, everyone has that much" but then again they are lieing, I hate my face, I like to call myself pork face, and if I was beautiful that guy would not have rejected me and other guys would like me, but no one does, I am just useless, and then my personality is not that interesting either, I suck, I really do.

Here is a note that I posted on my facebook, thats how my day goes usually.

First of all, I am really very sorry for tagging you in this note, its just that I have no one to turn to and I am in such a gloom, I hate myself more than anyone, I am not worth anything, I look awful..and my skin? oh my I hate it more than Martin Bashir! I obsess over how I look all the time, and right now, I am missing my classes and writing this note.

Great eh?

I looked at my face in the washroom mirror and I felt so angry, my skin looked awful, my hair was a mess..I wanted to flee so badly, and I did.
I told my friend "My stomach hurts, could you tell the music teacher I will be back in 15 minutes?" she said "Ya sure! be quick tho!".
But the reason I left was NOT because I had stomach ache, I wanted to go home and groom myself instead, so I went home and applied some blush, straightened my hair once again, applied some lip balm..but I still looked like a hot mess, so I decided to sit at home and listen to "Make me wanna die" by the pretty reckless, I know this note is so shallow and yes hilarious in some ways I suppose, but I need help, and I have no idea what is wrong with me, and all of you have been so kind to me, but I am really not beautiful, pictures can be deceiving , and as a person, I am not that interesting either, I find myself very shallow, insecure, lazy, immature and depressing, which is true. And most of my days are exactly just like this, I make an excuse and I flee from school because I am afraid they will say "Diana you look like crap!".

And yes, I love attention, I am so shallow.. I have no idea what the hell my problem is, I want to meet a psychologist, I really do.

[tryingtobeme]

((((((((((((((((((((KIIM))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This post made me cry. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I saw the Body Dysmorphic Disorder in your profile. Since I didn't know what it was I looked it up so I understand it a little better. I can relate to so many things you said.

Side not about the facial hair. In woman, this can be due to medical conditions. I would ask your family doctor and or your gynocologist (if you have one). There is a female condition call PCOS that usually causes excessive facial hair. I have that and the facial hair. I hate it and feel I look so ugly because of it. So, I get that completly.

I'm sorry you feel your family doesn't love you. Mine didn't either and I know those feelings are very hard. To think the parents that wanted you doesn't treat you like they care. This is so hard.

The things you say like "No one likes me, no one loves me" and "I wish I would die", These are very strong feelings. I have them too and it can be difficult to change them. I believe if you do find a psychologist, work with them, they can help you to turn these thoughts/saying around. You can feel better and I hope you can find a psycholgoist to work with. I think it will be good for you.

Gook Luck and please post more if you/can. Feel free to PM me also.

[turquoisesea]

oh hi there Kim! Im so sorry you're feeling this way.

Have you seen a doctor about this stuff? tryingtobeme brings up a point I wouldn't have thought of, but it could really help!

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Hey, I'm sorry you're feeling upset, I can relate to some of the things you're talking about and we're the same age too. The posts before me have pointed out some good things, like seeing a doctor, finding a psychologist.

Hugs to you kiim and good luck!

[BonjourChat87]

I can tell u right now that u don't have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. That's when you obsess over a specific body part and it seems that ur really obsessing about ur appearance as a whole. You're showing major symptoms of anxiety and OCD on the other hand. I would highly recomend getting a Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Workbook if u can't afford a psychologist. But at the moment all I can say is that you r who u r. This is what u look like. There r people who look much worse than u and don't worry half as much about it. You need to forget the socially constructed measures of beauty and just work what u got. I weigh 297 lbs and I wear skirts, low cut tops and I refuse to wear make up because I was born with this face and I'm not going to cover it up just because media says to. So work it, be it, own it and let the fierce be with u.

[hannahGH]

Hello,

I was 15 years old once and let me tell you it gets better. You have every right to feel this way right now, you are going through a tough time dealing with peer pressure in high school and well as your hormones changing. I know you have heard this a million times before, but it is just puberty and the high school experience. My best advice is to talk to a school counselor and get started on medication (this is only if you are feeling chronically depressed and thinking of hurting yourself). Good luck!, Hannah.

[kiim]

I have not been getting any better, recently that guy made me feel even worse, and BonjourChat87..I really do try to be fierce and not care about my appearance, but I just cant help it, and maybe you're right, maybe I have OCD, I dont know what is happening to me, I am stuck.