[thelostmother020507]

Well I got fired from my job bc my ex's sister decided that she would not watch her niece unless I paid her....... which I cant afford. Well I attempted to get a loan on the internet and some random company stole my information and took all the money off of my bank account. I just feel like everything in my life has ended up badly. I mean my landlord thinks I'm making up the whole scam thing and I have less than 30 days to move and I feel like I am just worthless. In high school I was a great student and was in every club and extra activity.that I could be in. Then, I got pregnant and my life changed completely..... I went from the poor girl who was gonna become something to the normal stat.for someone of my income level. I have tried so hard to have my child not see the drug abuse that I saw when I was little but I still feel like she has to deal with grown up issues even though she is 3. I will think she is asleep and cry about how I cant pay this bill or that bill and she will wake up and come and give me a hug and say" its ok mommy..... don't cry" she shouldn't have to deal with that. She is a beautiful little girl and is so smart and should have a better mother than me!!! I feel like I weigh her down! She didn't ask to be brought into this world with the parents she has but I'm stifling her because I cant provide what she needs.... I set up a living will where my sister would receive custody of her if something happened to me my sister would take care of her...... I honestly feel like she would he better of without me. I cant and wont ever be able to give her what she deserves!!!! I had her in preschool and had to take her out of it because I couldn't pay for it and everyday she tells me how much she misses preschool. I know she doesn't understand the concept of money but I feel so worthless when she comes to me and says" mommy can I go to preschool, I miss my friends!" I feel so disgusting because Sue didn't ask to be born to a teen mother..... she didn't ask to be thrown into a family with issues but that's all I can give her.... I feel like don't give her what she deserves...... she is so smart and beautiful and she deserves a rich couple who can afford to put her in ballet or clarinet lessons. Not a 23 year old who struggles to make the bills every month. I feel like I should have given her up for adoption when I had her because she would have a better life........ why am I so worthless????

[lynn09]

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough go of it, thelostmother020507! I understand your present perspective and feelings; however, depression is only allowing you to see one side of the story.

What any child needs and deserves more than anything else is to be loved, cherished, and wanted, and to be parented by someone who can teach them how to survive the realities of life. Of course you want her to have advantages that you did not - advantages that most children in this country do not have. But, just because someone is "rich" and can provide such advantages, that doesn't necessarily mean that they are capable of loving your child more than you are. As much as any loving parent wants to shield their children from the harsh realities of life, it's much more important for children to learn how to survive and flourish despite their harsh circumstances.

Without doubt, your present situation is a serious set-back for you and your daughter - but there are options and assistance available to help you both. There are emergency social services and assistance that you qualify for, and you need to get in touch with them immediately. I don't know where you live, but many cities in the US have a "411" system set up - you dial "411" and your entire situation is assessed and you are put in contact with various agencies to help you find housing, food, employment, financial assistance, daycare, etc. Also, if you are in the US you can look in the telephone book under State Government to find the telephone numbers for Health & Human Services - or search for assistance on the internet.

If you need help getting in touch with the agencies where you live, PM me and I will help you get that information. Don't throw in the towel yet - you've got plenty of years ahead of you to make up ground. lynn09