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Old Nov 15, 2010, 10:48 AM
forpetessake's Avatar
forpetessake forpetessake is offline
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I mean this is the Monday after one of the biggest weekends of my music career. It's not everyday one opens for a 3 time grammy award winning artist. Even though after the concert I had to go to Walmart to buy dog food. lol

But I find myself with unbearable pain this morning. I am saddened to the core and I dont know if it's my depression or just general saddness.

People come in and out of our lives like the winter wheat. One day it's all fresh and new and joyful. The next, it's gone.

In the past several days, I lost 3 signifigant people from my life. One who shouldnt be, was my doctor. (he was a good friend of the family) and now he has left, moved to California for other work.

My Pastor also left. He moved to Indiana for other work.

And in the worst moment, I found out that I am dead to my own Mother.

I rejoice in the friends that remain, but I find myself wondering when they will be gone too.
Over the years I have known so many wonderful people, and some have some have died, others just faded away with time.

I think cutting myself off from the world, living as a hermit, would be the least painful way to live.

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  #2  
Old Nov 15, 2010, 11:54 AM
lynn P.'s Avatar
lynn P. lynn P. is offline
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((forpetesake)) - sorry you're feeling so low. How did the concert go? It's very hard dealing with significant people leaving and it sounds like you're grieving a deep betrayal. I can relate to how you feel because I've been betrayed in some deep ways and lost family members due to death also.

Your doctor and your pastor are significant life lines so to speak. I'm sure you looked to them for guidance and grounding. Can you stay in touch via email at least. I know it's tempting to just shut yourself away, so you won't feel hurt again - I am challenged with this very came issue ATM

I know it hard to come to terms with changes and people coming in and out of our lives. Do you have a therapist or was your doctor your Pdoc? You mentioned, you've known some wonderful people in your life. All you can do in concentrate on that thought - that if you close yourself off, to spare the pain of separation - you'll miss out on new opportunities to meet more wonderful people. I also know what it feels like to be estranged from my mother - it really hurts. Fortunately we made peace before she passed. I hope you feel better.
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  #3  
Old Nov 15, 2010, 01:45 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Congratulations on the concert opening, Forpetessake! I'm sorry the joy in that achievement is diminished by the losses. I hope the flying high will return.

"...I am dead to my own Mother." (Feel free to ignore the following questions.) Does this have anything to do with your performing the concert opening? Does she object to your musical career?
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  #4  
Old Nov 15, 2010, 02:27 PM
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forpetessake forpetessake is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
Congratulations on the concert opening, Forpetessake! I'm sorry the joy in that achievement is diminished by the losses. I hope the flying high will return.

"...I am dead to my own Mother." (Feel free to ignore the following questions.) Does this have anything to do with your performing the concert opening? Does she object to your musical career?

Let me assure you it does not. However...the issues with my parents are enough to fill a 1000 page essay. Suffice it to say it's not the music. She actually was proud of my music.
Thanks for this!
lonegael, Rohag
  #5  
Old Nov 16, 2010, 03:08 PM
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lonegael lonegael is offline
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Listening and waiting respectfully. recalling people that have left as well.
  #6  
Old Nov 16, 2010, 03:14 PM
lynn P.'s Avatar
lynn P. lynn P. is offline
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Are you feeling a bit better than yesterday forpetessake?
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  #7  
Old Nov 16, 2010, 06:01 PM
0304 0304 is offline
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congrats on the concert forpetessake!!! i can relate to how you feel though, I myself have "stopped flying" for the last 5 years now (), and i still keep wondering every night i go to bed if i'll ever get that feeling back. But things change, people change and maybe it's because of the fact that we cannot deal with change that we get that sense of wanting to cut off from the world...i don't know.Still, I believe things could eventually come around but i rather keep a small basket.
  #8  
Old Nov 17, 2010, 03:18 PM
sophiacomose sophiacomose is offline
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Hello Forpetessake,
I love your name. How clever! I am an artist too/writer. I empathize with your sadness. So much has changed for me I struggle not to isolate myself (just to think straight). Solitude has worked for many a writer and artist. Perhaps being a hermit would not be such a bad thing as long as your reasoning was based on solitude vs. isolation?
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