I feel like throughout my childhood I was never properly looked after by my parents. My Mum was an alcoholic and my Dad was a pensioner even on the day I was born. I've nearly always had to look after myself and I feel like something big is missing from my life and that I need someone to look after me. I'm 23, almost 24, and my occupational therapist can't understand why I want someone to look after me when I am at the age where I should be looking after myself. She said that the only way that someone is going to look after me is if I find a nice husband but that's not true, i've found a way to be looked after.

This is so wrong, but part of the reason why I give in to my urges to overdose is so that I can be looked after in hospital. I feel very ashamed and know that what I am doing is wrong, it's just that people know how to look after people with physical health problems but they are often stuck when it comes to mental health problems. There is an antidote for every overdose that I have taken but there is no antidote to depression, anxiety, or BPD. I'm encountering problems now though because I have overdosed 13 times so far this year and the people in A&E are getting fed up with me and don't treat me kindly. So i'm losing my only way to be taken care of.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? I have no friends and my brother is my only close family member and I don't let him know a lot about how i'm feeling because it upsets him and he doesn't know what to do. It doesn't help to do nice things for myself. I've been wishing that I could get back in touch with a man who sexually harrassed me but he seems to have changed his email address. I know that he would look after me as long as I did what he said.

I'm so lost.

[lonegael]

Hon, it sounds like, if you can, you need to find a good therapist who is willing a ready to be a person who can work with you for a good, long time and be the kind of person who can help you develop an internal "caretaker", a person who can allow you to take care of and pamper yourself in an appropriate and meaningfull manner. Most of us learn to internalize this from people who love us and take care of us as children, but like you noticed, your parents didn'tor couldn't do this for you, and you still need it.
THe problem is it leaves you still so vulnerable to people who will use this as an excuse to hurt you and misuse you, or to trying things that might end up with you getting badly hurt. Even finding a nice husband isn't failsafe; he might want to be taken care of too now and then It's not fair what parents leave us with, is it? HUGGGGSSSSSSSS, dear.

[yellowted]

everyone has a little person inside of them, most little people are allowed to grow and mature as the outer one does, but in some cases the little person misses out on being able to be a child for some reason, so as the outer person grows the little person is left behind trying to find the things that they need to grow, be it to feel secure, be loved or believed. Once the outer person becomes an adult the gap can sometimes be so great that the inner child begins to scream and shout so loud that the outer person begins to notice the inner childs unhappiness or insecurities. I was told by a therapyst once that you have to listen to the inner child, reassure them that how they are feeling is ok, give hem time to be themselves in a safe place (i used to allow my inner child to come out when i was alone, she liked watching kids tv, drawing, and sucking her fingers whilst cuddling a soft toy!) after a few months of reassuring her whenever she felt scared, lonely etc and letting her be a child in the safety of my home she began to grow, after a few years i think she cought up with the outer me as i rarely feel her now, we are one again.

this in mind try talking to your little inner person, you already know she grew up too quickly, and that she missed out on the love and security that all children need. try being kind to her, listen and reasure her that it is ok to want to be looked after, try showing her you care and are looking after her, find something that gives you/her comfort, be it a soft toy, a duvet day or a treat, anything that works to give you both the feeling of security, allow time for this every week try not to reschedule it, it is ok to say no to things others want/expect you to do in order to give yourself/your inner little 'me time' after all the world will continue whilst you are busy looking after your inner little, just as if you were looking after your external kids! once your inner little realises you understand her needs are looking after and listening to her she will begin to feel secure and begin to grow. humans are like jigsaws, all the pieces must be in place before a complete picture/adult emmerges, if one piece is missing the picture is incomplete, if you find a replacement piece at a later date the incomplete picture can become complete.

ok it may sound crazy suggesting you talk to/lookafter your inner little, but you already do this to some degree everytime you cross the road or have conversations in your head with youself about what you fancy for tea, just be aware of your feelings and reasure yourself they are ok! give it a go, you may be suprised how well it works!!

This process of active clinging to an outmoded view of reality is the basis for much mental illness. Psychiatrists refer to it as transference. There are probably as many subtle variations of the definition of transference as there are psychiatrists. My own definition is: Transference is the set of ways of perceiving and responding to the world which is developed in childhood and which is usually entirely appropriate to the childhood environment (indeed, often life-saving) but which is inappropriately transferred into the adult environment. ~M. Scott Peck, http://ecourse.amberton.edu/grad/RGS6036E1/Foura.htm

Hello, littlelindsay. Because you had to look after yourself growing up, you may now be plagued with coping techniques that no longer benefit you. Moreover, living with an alcoholic parent has its own detriments.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...702/toxic-brew
http://gods_mark.tripod.com/Roles.html

As already suggested, please consider professional help.