[Distressed2010]

Hi everyone,

I'm trying to figure out if I'm too sensitive to things or if its that I just have too many expectations from others?
My past:
I've suffered emotional and sexual abuse throughout my childhood.

My present situation:
I'm trying to relocate to another city and getting a place there takes 3-4 days and I don't have the cash to get a hotel while looking.

On my first trip to that city, I stayed with family friends and it didn't work out there, incidently I met some other family friends#2 (whom we hadn't seen in 25 years) and also at their house I met a common friend between me and family friends#1.

Well, when both the friend and family friends #2 found out I was staying with FF#1, they flipped because they knew that it was a bad place to stay at and they were both like "what? why're you staying there? please don't stay there, you come stay here.. with us.."

Well, a lot more drama happened and the mutual friend sort of got dragged into it.

Well bottom line without writing too much is.. I started expecting that on my next trip I could stay with FF2 or the mutual friend when it turns out its not true anymore. I didnt directly ask them but when I explained them my situation of trying to find a place to stay, they said stay in a hotel, etc...

So, now i'm sort of hurt. and this takes me back to the past where I feel like theres never anyone there to be on my side to help me.. to be with me..

Whats going on here? Am i too sensitive or do i just overexpect from others?

Please help! this is really making me sad!

[Petunia111]

There is no such thing as too sensitive......just too many people who are totally insensitive.

[Perna]

I don't know why you are trying to relocate, especially to a place so far away that doesn't seem to have people you are interested in or who are interested in you? If you can't afford to go find a place, why would you be able to afford to live there? I would save some money up for visiting, stay in a hotel. We can't know what issues others may have; if we have issues with them, they might have issues with us too, it works both ways. Maybe they hate having anybody stay in their space, I wouldn't take it personally. That they don't like the other group is neither here nor there for you, just "interesting" and should give you pause about associating and jumping into that place to begin with. Who wants to go where there are family factions and discord? Whatever you are doing in your life, do it "yourself" don't depend on others to make what you want happen.

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't know why you are trying to relocate, especially to a place so far away that doesn't seem to have people you are interested in or who are interested in you? If you can't afford to go find a place, why would you be able to afford to live there? I would save some money up for visiting, stay in a hotel. We can't know what issues others may have; if we have issues with them, they might have issues with us too, it works both ways. Maybe they hate having anybody stay in their space, I wouldn't take it personally. That they don't like the other group is neither here nor there for you, just "interesting" and should give you pause about associating and jumping into that place to begin with. Who wants to go where there are family factions and discord? Whatever you are doing in your life, do it "yourself" don't depend on others to make what you want happen.

Hi Perna, I think you misunderstood. I'm no longer staying with the bad family. I am family friends with another family (whom i haven't seen in 25 years.. my parents know them) and there was another guy(whom I'd met before)... they both said to stay at their place and not the bad family's place next time I'm there...

I'm just hurt that first they said to stay and so I started the "expectation" phase, and now I found out they didn't mean what they were saying..

[Perna]

It could just be that this time is not convenient for them. I wouldn't take it personally; other people have ups and downs like we do and offer things now but that doesn't mean they can offer it in the future or forever, etc. I would save money enough to take care of myself before I visit the city again, maybe enough to take everyone out to dinner and thank them for their interest and care last time? If you want to move there, you have to be prepared to care for yourself or you can't move; when we get old enough to make such decisions, it can cause problems such as you describe if we expect others to be involved when we haven't really discussed and planned it with them.

Maybe this time, if you are going to visit a third time, you can plan that with them and get a firm commitment, "I expect to be in town again, March 3-6th; I'd love to be able to stay with you as I'm trying to save for a down payment on an apartment, do you think that would be possible?"

It's like visiting friend or family at any time; you call ahead to ask if it would be okay to drop by, showing up on the doorstep. . . you don't know what will be happening in their lives at the moment and it can be perceived as rude and intrusive, no matter how close they are. Just as we don't want to see others all the time, at any time, without their checking on our schedules and plans, other's don't want that from us either; it works both ways. No need to take it personally, it's just normal give and take.

[Distressed2010]

I'm sorry I think everyone's gotten the thread wrong. Maybe I didn't explain things correct