[Chrysalis01]

Hi, I'm new.

I don't know if this is even the right place to post this, but if not, I hope someone will direct me to the right place.

My partner is severely depressed. She suffers from chronic pain issues and she has migraines. When her migraines hit, they mess with her head and she acts and sounds like she is drunk.

When I first met her, she was abusing prescription medication, self medicating. She quit that several years ago, but when she is having a migraine, she acts the same way she did when she was high. Extremely agitated, slurring her words, poor judgement, etc.

This behavior triggers me. When she was using, I didn't realize it, and she blamed migraines, so I dealt with it until I became depressed and started to suffer from PTSD. Eventually, I figured out that her problem was the meds. Now, when she starts to act drunk, I react as if she has taken something and it's really ugly.

She sees a neurologist who diagnosed her with depression and confirmed that her head being messed up is because of her migraines. That doesn't help me, though, in terms of my reactions.

Ok. So as I write this, she is in the middle of an episode, and I am so angry and depressed I want to hit something. She is accusatory and agitated. She says self depreciating things and makes it clear that I am the one who is making her feel that way, even though I am sitting here doing nothing. I'm trying not to talk to her and she is poking at me (verbally) trying to engage me. I don't even know how to explain it. She is slurring her words so badly that I can hardly understand what she is saying, while she talks to me sarcastically, as if she is trying to get a reaction out of me. She will say something and I will answer with a simple "yes or no" and she will jump on me like I argued with her. It's awful and it is making me want to crawl under the covers and hide. It's like being a caretaker to a mean toddler who had the authority to make their own decisions.

To make it worse, we have a 9 year old and I am stressed to the max worried about how this is affecting him

The flip side to all of this is that when she is fine, she is perfect. Functions completely normal. Cries and apologizes for her behavior and actions. Talks about all the things she will do to make it better. But then the depression/migraine hits and the cycle starts all over.

We are both in therapy, separate and together.

My questions are this: can the drunk behavior be a symptom of depression? How do I deal with all of this without losing myself more than I have? Does anyone else deal with this? Anything I should be doing, can do to make it better.

I am sorry if this sounds incoherent. I am tearing my hair out and trying really hard, at this very moment, not to turn and engage her in a fight, because that's what I normally do and it never ends up well.

Help?

[racee]

Ok to answer your beggining question at the top of the post Yes this is the right place, as well as the CAREGIVERS Support forum under Health And Other Support, also check out the post traumatic stress forum since you mentioned that about yourself and Health and Support forums. not saying type all this in everyone(you can if you want to) but i believe those forums will be beneficial for what you are going through

You know migraines can make one feel and act a little loopy although my partner never gets that way he just goes into the other room and i don't hear from him for hours and i know not to disturb him or he will unleash the wrath of 1000 demons on me!!

now i suffer from chronic pain and there have been times where i took my meds too far and yes they make you have slurred speech aggitated start arguments yelling and all crazy like. pain also makes you irritated and angry and frustrated.

i cannot speak for her but personally for me the pain starts then i get mad than i get frustrated than i get sad than depressed than i get in a rage... and what you describe to me what happens to her is what happens to me i call them "episodes" my partner calls me crazy woman b@tch.
what helped was topamax (but it can have nasty side effects) topa is also for migrains, i used it for a mood stabilizer and nerve pain med. it helped slow my thought process so i could actually think before i acted and it got rid of my rage. (it also helped with my tendonitis in my thumbs)weird!

i have heard some people say they get loopy from migraines what is she taking for them now? is she on pain meds? are you sure she is not taking more than prescribe? other meds can make you unstable too and side effects that is why i am asking.

from your writing she seems fine when she doesn't have an episode...so is she still depressed? or is it only when they start to come one? i'm just trying to narrow things down because doctors like to treat symptoms and not so much the cause of the problem.

i could go on but i will stop for now! if you want to pm me anytime to talk i'm here.

[Gus1234U]

thank you Racee, for being so knowledgeble and willing to share~! i really don't know what to tell you, Crysalis, except,, Keep Posting, and when you have 5 in the forums you can come to the live chats and the Hosted Chats, which are about topics,, you can learn more from the Calendar button on your profile page. sometimes just having some one to talk to helps so much~! best wishes on getting some relief for both yourself, and your partner~!! Gus

[Chrysalis01]

Thank you Racee and Gus.

Racee, what you describe is it to a "T". I do think that sometimes she takes too many pain meds. But other times, I am with her non stop and I see that she hasn't, yet it hits. I think it't a combination, of migraines and the meds.

She was on Topa and Cymbalta to control the headaches but she didn't take them regularly like she was supposed to. Plus they were cost prohibitive, so she stopped. I think the meds helped. Her neurologist has her on Cymbalta and Abilify and we can afford them now, so we'll see where that goes.

I will check out the forums you recommended. It helps to hear that there are some viable causes for her issues. I just need to know that there are still things we can do to help her, before I go a little more nuts!

As for the depression, yeah, she is still depressed without the migraines, but she acts different... doesn't get the "drunk" behavior or the anger, just sadness and crying. I have questioned if she may be BiPolar. Prior to the "drunk" behavior, she will sometimes go for days with very little sleep. Then crash and burn. But she is scared to death of that diagnosis so she won't bring it up to her doc. Next time, I'm going with her and I will bring it up.

Thank you again! This is very helpful!!!