[invisigirl]

I hate this part... the part where I felt ok recently enough to remember what it was like, the part where I start sinking into that black pit and am totally conscious of it but can't do a dang thing about it, the part where I know what's coming and am helpless to stop it...

oddly enough, the holidays were really good for me this year. often they're sort of bittersweet, having to see family, knowing how they feel about me, trying to enjoy the time in spite of 'all that'. this year we stayed home, me the hubby and the kids, and just enjoyed being together.

once January came (the beginning of a very hard time of year for me), I had this feeling of 'the fun is over now, here comes the dark cloud again'.

each day that passes I feel like I'm sinking deeper and drifting further away from myself. the feelings of numbness and emptiness are back today and I just want to crawl into bed and hide.

depression is stupid.

Hello, invisigirl. Sorry you are in a rough patch.

[Leed]

Hi ~ Just wondering -- do you think perhaps you have Seasonal Affective Disorder?? Does this always alleve itself by the time April or May rolls around??

I have an awful time in the winter - I live in Michigan and as a rule we don't get a lot of sun during the winter months - although this year we're getting more than usual so far. Usually it's a drab gray color all winter, along with that white stuff on the ground. I start sinking into the pits about Sept. or october, just knowing what is coming -- since I'm clinically depressed anyway, I'm on an anti-depressant. I was just wondering if you might have S.A.D. too. It can really put the skids on happiness!

At any rate, talk with your doctor - tell him what you've told us. Perhaps you need an antidepressant even if it's just temporary. I wish you the very best. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[invisigirl]

thank you. I do know some people who have SAD, but that is not my issue.. my depression is a year round thing, with breaks lasting 1-2weeks at a time. but from Jan-May/June it is particularly difficult - the reason being that a lot of things happened during that time frame a few years ago (08) that were very very hard.. so it's more of a bad time for my PTSD. but the PTSD and depression combined during this time of the year is especially difficult.

[Gently1]

I really stress over the part where you feel 'good' for awhile and then the setback/flareup of the depression returns, it hurts just as much no matter how many times it happens for me.

It is like the Borg resistance is futile, you will be assimilated- not a big Star Trek fan but I think it is close to how I feel, something else has taken over my brain, and blocked the parts of me that used to care.

sorry you are feeling the depression again
G1