[lostangel]

I been feeling this way for some time and I have no one or anyone to talk to that may understand or that I dont want to be a bother or bug. Yes I feel I am a bother now to those I know and it hurts to know that this is true. Even my kids are a bother now too. I mean my family and those around me. I have depression and I thought it was getting better but for sometime now I feeling worst I gues with everything that is going on now wonder I am feeling this way. I go to food to make me feel better I sleep to dream of something better or just to sleep the day or pain away.

I been dealing with things I just dont want to deal with and hurting others those I love very much. I am jumpy, frustered, stess, and angry and hurt and lost.

I could go on but I wont bother. I just want to know if there is anyone who wants to be my friend and talk or feel the same and all that. I be here.

you can talk to me lostangel i am a good listener for a man.

(((((((lostangel)))))))))

[lostangel]

thanks so much mellors for saying that. i just dont know where to start. just everything getting to me. you ever feel like that.

[kimmydawn]

lostangel, there's alot of us here who understand. keep talking...

be safe,

kd

all the time lostangel, what i do is i start with the one thing that is bothering me the most and try work from there, you are not going to win all the battles, all of the time, thats a given, but there is no harm in trying.

[lostangel]

thank you. i know that i have to start with the one that bothers me the most and then work on. but sometimes the one that is mostly bothering me i can not fix or i try to fix and the others just make is even bad and i just dont understand.

well i start with this. last week my mom ended up in the hospital and i found out she has stroke. this will be number 3 stroke she had now. the first two was back in the early 90s and now. well my dear b as a sister never called me too let me know my mom my mom too was in the hospital until hours later when they all went home and then they remembe to call me. i could hear it in sam my sisters girls voice when she call it was like i was a bother to call. i was pee so pee at them. when my mom call me the next day to talk to me i was not really talking to her because i was so fk pee off and i think she hear it in my voice that i was pee off. there is more but i start with that one.

see my mom move in with my sister because she was babysiting for my sister and now my sister dont need her anymore my mom was ask to move out and my sister bought a one bed condo with two kids and she will not take my mom with her knowing this is how my mom is. my mom will not move up where i am only a hour away from her favoita tina so i dont know why my mom ask for my help. i told my mom that is was tinas fault that our mom ended up the way she is. tina could have left her where she was living and not move her out of there. tina my sister is very selfish now and does drugs and all that. she is mad at me because i came down on her and told her off. sam her girl is very rude and disrepectful with me and sam and victor only calls me when they want something from me. they dont even call to talk to my two kids or anything. they miss my two kids bdays and they said i am not far and cost to much money to come and visit. i am ony a hour away and cost the same when i come down. i live in mississauga, ontario and they live in toronto, ontario. please. this is all bs...this started as far as i was a young little girl too now and when my kids were born. i seen how i was being treated and how my kids were being treated. my sister and her two kids were treated better then me and my two kids. and i could not understand why. what did i do so wrong. i know i made mistakes and i know i am not perfect but why i get treated different then my sister and why my sister and her two kids treat me so wrong. why because i open my month or because the way i live. please this bs..

sorry.

angel it sounds like your mom made her choice, let her live with the choices she made, the stroke is unfortunate but dont let her use it has a guilt trip against you.

it sounds like your sister can do no wrong in the eyes of your mom, dont blame yourself for any of this, it is not your fault, there was/is nothing you can do, or could have done to change the past, dont let them ruin your future with these petty mind games.

i know it is your mom, and you are worried about her wellbeing, but like i said, she chose her favorite and it is unfair to guilttrip you into taking her in after realising what your sister has/is doing to her.

no mother should ask a child to do that, she is the one that is wrong not you.

[lostangel]

thank you so much for understanding mellors. my best friend said the same thing but it is hard.

because of this there is problems at home with my family. manny and the kids. so much angring and fighting and bad words and all that and it is taking a toll on us and me. my other friend she has four kids and she let them go. that is another bad news i got too. my depression is getting to me too. but thanks.

angel try not to worry about things that are out of your control, i know it is easy to say and not so easy to do, its time for you to look after your immediate family, your hubby and kids and let the others deal with there own problems.
the depression could ease a bit more if you continue to work threw this, dont stop posting now you have started it will get easier

[lostangel]

i know what you mean but it will be hard not worry. she is my mom and i love them but i can not deal with this anymore or have my kids deal with it too. my son who is 10 been with them the longes and he doesnt understand and my girl who is 3 see them in the picture but dont know them that good. the last time they where here was last christmas and they didnt want to be here. everytime they are here they have long faces and put down my things. when i had my son my mom and sister didnt want to visit me in the hospital i saw it on their faces and then when i was in the hospital for a month waiting to give birth to my girl they didnt want to be there too. they didnt even show up the day she was born. so much has happen and so much was told to me. i seen how i was treat over and over and i seen things that make me ask why. i remember one time i went with my mom to visit my sister at her work. and my sister didnt even care i was there. i was so pee. and now my mom turn to me and said that there will be no christmas gifts coming my way from her and my sister for my kids only christmas cards. that is all bs. my mom said because she has to get back on her feet and my sister just bought a condon. that is all bs. because i am tring to get back on my feet find work and i have a condo to pay off too and bills and buy a new car but guess what i aways make sure the kids all the kids get a christmas because that is what christmas is about the kids and spending time with the family. Manny said it is a way of not coming to visit or asking us to go down and visit. i was pee at that too. what kind of bs is that.

but you are right. my hubby and my kids are my family and what my hubby said that i should go around those who love me and care even if it means they are not my mom and sister. my hubbys family and my best friend. i just feel like i am a bother to everyone a bother to my mom and sister and her kids. i feel my kids a bother too. my friend said the kind of love i am getting from my mom and sister is not the kind of love i need. and she is right. maybe i should have not open my month to my mom and said how i felt then maybe we would be talking and all that. but then my hubby said that he saw it coming he saw this fight coming. over the years of hurt and pain i guess it would have come one day.

i hope you are right about ease a bit because i hate feeling this way. thanks.

"my friend said the kind of love i am getting from my mom and sister is not the kind of love i need."

listen to your friend, you are not a bother, stop thinking that, it sounds to me like you have been trying all your life to get some recognition or acceptance from your mom and sister only for it to be thrown back in your face at every turn, it is time to turn around and think about what they have/are doing to you and your family,

the only person who can stop all of this is you, you know this, your hubby knows this and your friend knows this, listen to what advice you are given, sure you have loads of what ifs, if only i, if they would just's for example, but at some point you are going to come to the realisation that because of their (mom and sisters) actions your own family unit is going to fall apart, you have to make a choice, if not for your own health then for your hubbys and childrens, let them (mother and sister) ride the what if, and if only roundabout.

move on and build your own family, you really dont need then around causing you this much pain.

[lostangel]

i guess u are right. i read what you said and i understand everything you have said thank you very much. maybe it is time i think about my family and that is my hubby and my two kids. they are my family and like you said if my mom and sister dont want me or my kids apart of them then that is their problem. thanks again.