Why?

I've lost hope.......



completely.

I don't even know why I was put on this earth. All my friends are so caught up in their own lives to even care about mine. I feel like I'm just a huge burden to them, someone who keeps them from being able to hang out with their boyfriends or their other friends.
And I'm afraid that if I bring this up then they will think I'm just jealous of what they have since all my relationships have been utter failures. The one good relationship I had was a long distance one and the guy had never even seen me before.
I think I broke it off with him because when he got here I don't think he would of liked what he saw.
How could he? I don't even like what I see. Not one part of it.
I walk around and I act like I'm the girl who has everything planned out. And I act like the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I'm too busy but the truth is I doubt anyone would even consider dating me here.
I've tried convincing myself that everything will be better once I get to college; that I will find 'the one' and I will be able to forget everyone here...

I just don't know anymore at this point.
I'm supposed to be experiencing the best year of my life right now and I'm beginning to think it will be the worst. I've NEVER felt this low for this long...

Right now I don't even know why I'm posting this. I think I just need someone to tell...
Thank you for reading this...for listening to me whine and complain...

I used to say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger
but I think its been killing me this whole time
and now I'm just weaker.

This sounds alot like me. Listen black_crow, I know it seems hopeless right now, but I'm pretty sure there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I think that becoming more independent helps. Or at least, that's what my ex said.

I understand. I'm in much the same place as you are right now. But as don't touch me said, there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. However, the only way you're going to get there is if you seek the light. Walk through the tunnel is what I'm trying to say. There's a happier place there.

And as for your friends, if you really do feel a burden to them and you don't want to talk to them about it, you can always find new ones that care for you. It might take some time to find them, but just looking will help you find your way to a better tomorrow.

I hope everything gets better for you in the end.

Hi BlackCrow ~ Of course you don't know why you were put on this earth ~ you are supposed to know yet!! You still have a lifetime to figure that out. I didn't really know for SURE until I was in my forties!! But I had a lot of fun figuring it out.

Is there someone you can talk to, face-to-face, like a counselor or a pastor, or do you think your parents would let you start therapy? It would be a good idea if you were able to talk to someone ~ especially someone in the profession. It would do you a lot of good and would help to ease your depression. Even if you talked to your doctor, that would help.

Try to lighten up, and be a little easier on yourself. You have plenty of time to figure things out. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee