[DeprivedKim]

I guess im suffering from depression. Recently i had a fight with my boyfriend. And trust me, its not a normal fight. I feel so guilty even till now. I cried almost every night to sleep. Everytime i gets angry my boyfriend said i tend to raise my voice as if i shouting. I realized it too as my previous boyfriends told me that i have this kinda problems. But i always didnt realize that im shouting or even screaming. The feeling is like heart racing, breathless, anger, headach, stress, air trapped inside me that i feel like sccreaming out loud. Worst of all i couldnt hear my voice when i am angry. Thats might be the result of me shouting. I kept having the thoughts that i was right all the time. And that my boyfriend was in the wrong. But after each fight i found that i was the one partly in wrong. This is causing serious problem in my relationship. And im so afraid of losing everything.

And i also have symptons of bulimia nervosa. I always puke out everything that i have ate. The portion of fod that i take in are not much. I tend to like drink soup or gasy drinks to make myself full till i feel like puking and that my stomach feels very uncomfortable. My mind is always having that kinda feeling that i am super fat. I used to be like 12Okg when i was in my childhood age at about 12.. And currently im 21years old and im 55kg. But im still feeling fat. At times i look in the mirror or my tummy, i cried to my boyfriend and said that im so fat. I would tend to pull my fats and thought of using a penknife to just cut it off. Its so damm ugly that i feel so disgusted.. Oh god pls help..

[whenwillitend]

i can relate, really. and the knife thing, i've been there too, almost taking a knife and just cutting the "fat" off. i was at your weight, and I'm 178cm tall. i didn't puke, i did the opposite and starved myself.

have you tried talking to your boyfriend and explain to him what you told us? that you can't hear your own voice and that's why you get loud? that you realize you're usually wrong and maybe that you'll try working on that? i don't know, just a thought.