[SamiSinner]

Hi people.

I guess im here writing because strangers are the only people I can talk to.. the only people I can put some faith in.

As the title of my post says, I really, can't do it any more. Can't stand it. I'm 19 and live with my mom, sister, grandmother, cousin, and my mothers boyfriend, all in a one floor apartment and I can't do it.

Being around my mother is the most stressful environment. She has never supported any of my decisions, not one. NOT A SINGLE ONE. Unless its getting a job so she can borrow (and never pay back ) money from me.

Im getting my tax return soon, 1000 dollars, would be more but im giving her money from it, so she can pay her 300 dollar a month court case thing.

With the 1000 dollar's I planned on spending 300, for a plane ticket to visit my boyfriend in IL for a month. But mom says that I shouldnt do that because it's a waste of money. So I decided I don't want to upset her so I wouldnt go and see him.

Then I opted to take some adult karate excersies to try and get in shape, and have a better focus and grasp on things. When mom found out she made fun of me, saying that it would be foolish and people do that at a young age...

She just wants me to give her all my money... and do nothing that I want to do. She never ever ever supported me, not once in my life.

She never went to any open houses when I was in school, never bothered to go to a parent teacher conference, never said 'good job' or 'im proud of you' didn't support the choice to have my son. Never liked any of the guys I brought home, which is only two... Even though they are both nice. She always says that my boyfriend doesn't really care about me...

Plus a whole lot of other things...

I can't breath anymore, my heart always hurts... No one is there for me.. Everyone just laughs at me... Im a big joke...

I can't deal with it anymore, and I really just want to die, so maybe my chest would stop hurting...

[online user]

So sorry you are having such a rough time, Sami! It does sound very crowded in your apartment. Do you have a little corner to yourself, where you can write in a journal? That might help you vent and let out some of your anger and frustration. Or write here--that works too, but you can't get as long-winded and specific as you can in a private journal. Maybe blog in a password-protected file on your computer, so no one can access it and you can keep your thoughts private.

Your mother probably doesn't know how to do any better--maybe your grandmother didn't do very well by her and that is all she knows. Some of my personal traits that I despise come from behavior learned from my mother. Doesn't excuse her--you are trying to learn and do better, which is great. It's her shortcoming that she was not able to do better by you. I took a long time developing a good relationship with my mother. It's more of a superficial relationship--I try to have an activity or something when I go to see her, and keep the visit short so we get along and everything is pleasant. Plus I don't expect much of her anymore. So I think I can relate a bit to what you are going through. I never had to help my mother pay her expenses, but I earned money for my clothes and spending money when I was in school and saved for college too.

My heart goes out to you--write again and let us know how you are doing.

H

[ontmum]

I feel really sad for you, I too have a hard time with my mother even though I am older and have children of my own she has never approved or supported anything I have done good or bad in my life. Your living situation seems very crowded and when you dont have any space to truly call your own it makes it seem that much more stressful, which is probably why your chest hurts, I was in a very stressful situation about a year ago and was rushed to hospital bc I thought I was having a heart attack it was stress and they told me it would continue until the stress was gone. If you wanna go see your bf with YOUR money I think you should the break from home will most likely do you good. I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted