[Cameron1810]

Friends made fun of me again. It's so hard to say no when you want to smoke. I'm just going to type and get it out. I was 12 years old (4 years ago) and my mom's boyfriend was deported to Mexico. I lived in the same apt my whole life, I had never lived somewhere else. I got the news we're moving to Mexico.. I knew it was coming, my mom is a grown teenager and would never tell her boyfriend no. We moved down a few months later.. It was so different, nothing was in English and I couldn't talk to anyone. It was me and my mom and her boyfriend. He spoke Spanish and very bad English. I don't see what my mom saw in him. A year goes by and I think of ways I could do it. Ways to end the live that's to hard to bare. I moved in with my grandma, it helped me so much for the longest time. Then that greed came in and I wanted to smoke, I met new friends. Everything was going good and then I was caught with a pipe and a dub.. I was went to Mexico to live with my mom again.. It was worse, all the feelings came back but now we were broke. I was eating a meal a day of rice and beans. I felt poor, I felt like nobody wanted to help me and I was stupid for getting caught. My mom and her boyfriend were always arguing. Then I found a suicide letter(s) to all our family that my mom wrote. The boyfriend treated us like ****, he knew we couldn't leave and we were stuck. I was so mad. I wanted to cause him so much pain. I knew I couldn't harm myself tho, I couldn't leave my mom alone with him. Now I'm out of Mexico and everything was great. I met new friends again tho and they made fun of me.. My girlfriend broke up with me on valentine's day and said she never got over the guy before me. I knew it was going to happen, it was an agreement between both of us but it still hurt. Friends got me high again and they were explaining my whole story to me when I was high. I want this to be over and I know it all happens because of the weed. I always ruin my life. I want this to end. I want life to stop hurting and I feel like a wussy for having my feelings now come out but I hope this will be good for me. I want to get help, I want to do better. But is this life worth living? I'm 16 years old and all this has happened already, what else could go wrong? It's only going to get worse. I want to tell people but I feel like I'm ranting to them and that they don't want to hear it. I feel like this is Mexico again and I can't talk to anyone but now it's because they choice to not listen to me.

[Christina86]

I'm sorry about your friends and how they're treating you.

Life is worth living, it really is. It's hard though at times, but it's always worth living. Depression sucks. I know this sounds cliche, but you're 16 and have you entire life ahead of you. Do you have anyone to talk to about this? Can you consider talking to a teacher, a guidance counsellor, or finding a therapist/doctor?

Welcome to PC. Talk to us here, we'll listen.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome Cameron1810! You've been through a lot, but I'm impressed by the self- and world-wisdom I sense in your post.

May you soon get a chance to make that wisdom work for you.

[mgran]

Life is worth living. You are worthy to be alive. Things are bad right now, really bad... but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Tell us, do you have other family that you can stay with? Do they look after you? If so, I think you should ask them for help, try to get to see a doctor, or therapist... I can't imagine how lonely you must have felt when you were taken at such a young age to Mexico, unable to communicate with others, at the mercy of your mum's boyfriend, and living on such a poor diet.

But far from things getting worse, they can get better. Please hang on in there, and we'll try to help you. There must be someone in the US who can help advise you as to how to get a therapist, or get into rehab, or get a doctor to help you with your depression.

Stay strong... you're already stronger than you know. You've survived, you've hung on for the sake of another person... your mother. That is selfless love, no matter how angry you've been with her. She obviously has problems of her own, yet you've loved her, even if it doesn't feel like it. You could have utterly rejected her, but you stayed alive for her sake. You're a brave and decent human being, who has been hurt, and is hurting. But things can get better. You've been knocked down... you'll get up again (to quote a British song.) And you'll be stronger for fighting on.

Keep us up to date on this thread... we all want the very best for you.

I wish you well, Cameron1810.

[online user]

You've shown a lot of wisdom and strength in how you've coped so far. I'm sure there is a better life for you ahead! Take care--my heart goes out to you!